GO AWAY..

HAT A BIRTHDAY I HAD SO FAR!

Tuesday

totally sucked... totally sucked...my son admitted to me he is suffering from depression and Ill go one farther and say I think add bi-polar! OK I can't tell you how that hit me.  He has not done well in life for the past 4 years since the breakup with the love of his life, He has not been able to rebuild! I can't say I'm surprised...after he lost his job last month he kept it a secret for about 2 weeks!  So at first he was like angry he told me he did not like that job, but now he is saying he was content there and wished that he still had the job. None of that is my fault!!  

His SS card has NOT arrived so he doesn't think the job he got is gonna wait for him he went to see the Manager and she said she really needs someone now. Sooo....thanks to COVID!! Because the SS office near here would not allow in person business!! It has to come from Baltimore MD! It didn't come today and I think he really expected it today.  Again not my fault.

 He did bend over backwards to try and make them happy at his last job, he took the overnight shift that no one wanted, he worked without days off, but in the end it didn't matter.  I never enjoyed working for other people, most of my working life was in Self Employment and my Husband also we both had small businesses and that is how we coped in the world.

My Mom suffered from clinical depression for a lot of her adult life...it took her many years to overcome it and not that she ever really fully did.  She was dealing with my dad's drinking problem so I felt that was a contributing factor.  But even after he passed away and we all moved onto our Adult lives she still struggled with it. I get depressed sometimes, mine is more weather affected I hate gloomy weather...I don't like not being able to see the sky.  AND when someone I love is having it hit hard I get depressed.  I let other's people's issues affect me. 

I did go visit Mom at the cemetery...and they have not done the repairs so I went into the office, and inquired...the man is supposed to do the work on Friday...so we'll see I think it's so retarded that they CAN NOT do their job without me going there to press them? 

So I went to Lowes and got some metal fence posts for the backside of my pasture field...it has a section of wire that is messed up...must start all over to get it right in that corner.  I plan to buy those cattle panels, what I call them, at Tractor Supply...So I got the 8 posts at Lowes, but they don't carry the cattle panel there...

So that will be my next project around my homestead here...since the guy who bought the land behind me looks to be planning on building something I want to be sure  he knows where my line is, because currently that back corner is not well fenced.

So tonight I plan to watch the debate...the preshow starts at 8:30 No interest in watching that.. I don't have cable or satellite tv, only antenna, so I'm glad they are streaming it on Youtube if I lose my antenna cause it's raining and sometimes it is affected.   While driving around my town doing errands today I saw several Biden/Harris yard signs in people's yards and alongside the road! That is a good sign...

My sis was told her computer has a virus and that has allowed someone to get her ONLINE banking password, and that is how her money was almost stolen!  So I guess we really need to be sure we don't download things online!! She is forever downloading obituaries for  historical research...that may be how it got in.  So she changed her password to her sign in, her debit cards, etc. and she is taking her laptop in to be debugged! 

Its' tough living in these times, it makes me want to go hide my head in the sand...

well another year older and deeper in debt...I was reading in my journal of 2018 I was trying to get out of debt....I did and now Im right back in it....same place.  But when you are not well off you depend on credit to do a lot of things you need done that you don't want to put your savings on the line to do!  It's not a huge debt but still...it is part of my anxiety! 

Well it seems like my gloomy birthday keeps getting gloomier I was talking to my sis she was driving and my phone was dying and I lost the call....and the frosting on it will be having to sit thru the debate and listen to that ignorant Trump talk...but I want to hear what is being said for myself and not get a watered down version later on.  OH yeah I thought my birthday  was on Sunday it was not then I thought it was on Wednesday and I got up this morning and it was today, the forgotten birthday one of the worst ever in my entire life even falling out of the attic in 2013 on my birthday was not this bad!!...Anyways if it was your Birthday today I hope it was better than MINE!!

Next year I don't even want to think about it being my birthday!!