Gunslingers..

ERE ARE THEY WHEN YOU NEED THEM?

I've been in need of many things in my life...but never had the use for guns.   I actually inherited a 22 rifle, but my son took it so I no longer have it.  Today of all things I was flagging people over on the side of the road begging for anyone..."do you have a gun?"

*sigh* 

What a morning I had...and I don't think I will soon forget it, Seems death is surrounding me anymore...I can't escape it.  Every time I think my soul is healing from the grief and tragedy of death then along it comes to fill my life with it's horribleness...

I sat on the side of the road today trying to comfort a young buck he had 2 little buds just forming on his head where proud horn would have sat if he had lived.  I loaded up my trash today in the van to go drop it off then do a little food shopping, and so I left home at 10 am.  At what I guess was 9:50 am 2 dogs brought a young deer down by the side of the road and attempted to kill him pull him apart and that is the scene I happed upon not 5 mins after leaving my home...I saw a bloody white dog and a black dog wrestling something and it was moving...so I stopped and grabbed my hiking pole I keep it on the seat next to me. 

I chased off the dogs and there was a helpless deer with a broken hind leg, twisted in some way I couldn't even figure out and they had ripped out the soft place between his hind legs, the poor thing was still alive.  I didn't know what to do...grabbed my phone it was Nearly Dead! I had no idea who to call...

The first car that I flagged down had 2 women they had no gun but they helped me get some numbers to call ,the Police Dept.  I called and they told me they would get an officer as soon as possible...the ladies left...then I recalled I had saved the number of the wildlife rehab when I took the baby squirrel...so I called her she gave me the phone number of the game warden.  I called they would send someone..

10 mins, 15 mins, and I sat by the deer gently patting his head and speaking to him..  "don't be afraid I won't leave you so help me GOD I won't," and I wouldn't.   I flagged another car no gun, and another NO GUN...20 mins, 30 mins, 35 mins and I was bawling, I had blood on my hands,  I had covered up his wounds to keep the bot flies off...and the poor deer struggled to breath I wanted one of 3 things:

 PLEASE GET UP AN BE HEALED A MIRACLE....that didn't happen...

I BEGGED FOR THAT BREATH TO BE THE LAST ONE...that didn't happen...
"OH PLEASE DO YOU HAVE A GUN", I begged to the next man I flagged..."YES" 

He got out reached into his back pocket and out came a little pistol...I said "Please put this lovely creature out of this misery"...

And As I hid my face in my hands the crack of the pistol made me jump out of my skin...

And I cried like a baby and went to stroke the deer and say a few words for his life the beautiful life he had and the tragic way he died...I told him he was loved and his life had meaning...I think that is the most important thing to know your life meant something....

Then came the deputy and the game warden at the same time they thanked me, and the guy who shot the deer, and drove away...then the guy drove away and it was just me and the deer...I couldn't breath and I broke to pieces my mind just let go...and I couldn't even drive my van...I just sat there and wailed...I kept asking why why why why ....I got no answer. 

The beauty of the deer was marked by the brutal way his life ended...So I went  home got a shovel and came back and mounded dirt over his body...I did the best I could sandy soil is easy to dig...some large stones  at a  culvert nearby I hope will keep the scavengers away...I could not leave him there on the side of the road like he meant nothing more than the beer can laying nearby.

Today I was glad I found a man with a gun...
And I lost my last bit of faith...