Are we There Yet?

HAT TIME IS IT?

It's still early I woke up early again...the new me needs less sleep and is tired all day..hmmm

Not liking the new me much the one year older me, the one who seems to spend more time thinking about what I would rather be doing.  I guess we are all like that I haven't ran into one person who says OH I LOVE MY LIFE...why is it we humans can't get to happy and stay there?? 

I will say this I think much of our unhappiness comes from outside us, I disagree with some phycologists when they say you create your own inner peace.  OK yes IF we are left to it...but if we are constantly being interrupted by the outside world, the answer is to move to a deserted island? HEY WILSON...that guy was not exactly happy either.  Happiness is a state of mind...for sure.  So only the most vile self center sob could just seal him/her self off from the events of today and the people around them and think only of themself and how They are, and  to hell with everyone else, is that the happy one?? NO thank you I sure don't want to be that person. 

Yes I want tranquility and serenity, but if someone in my circle is not happy, then I'm not happy! That is just the way it is.  Yes you can and I have removed  unhappy seed planters, but if it's your family or even your extended family how can you do that?  Even homeless people on the street will speak to you about their family the ones who have given up on them because they tried everything...trust me they are still emotionally connected.

I have an example...when I worked EMS in Queens NY...we got numerous calls for ETOH abuse.  Alcoholics living on the street...eating from garbage cans and hand outs and they would take what they got pool it, and go into the liquor store and buy one bottle as big as their combined coins would buy then they pass it around.  If they had a bad day with no money for food or drink they would call an ambulance and say they had a seizure.  They probably did have a seizure because alcohol passes through the blood/brain barrier, and it depletes the brain of sugar and this is the energy of the brain...when your sugar goes too low you could have a seizure.  

Most of these guys were what we called frequent fliers.  Meaning weekly transports...etc.  And many we knew by name.  One such guy, who was one of my frequent fliers, was a man in his 30's his name was Leon.  He hung outside the liquor store or on that corner...he was homeless and he had nothing more than what was on his back.  He held no possessions at all.  He would sleep on a bench cover up with discarded newspapers, and he hung with others sometimes to pool resources.  He often spoke of a sister who he had lived with but she had a family and she could not take him in any longer...I can only imagine the pain she went through watching her brother destroy himself.  

He said he had been married at one time he was a  construction worker but as far as how he got to this point I did not know. I'm sure it happened gradually and even he was not aware of what was happening as the life  he once had fell away second by second day by day.  Often the people around you are powerless to help.  If they have no money to get you into treatment, there is little free treatment that works and is long term, and fails to follow up and then...relapse...it's the revolving door policy but that does not cure the sick. 

I don't know when this country decided to do away with proper mental health care?  Anyways back to Leon's story...he was quite a sight to behold his face was so red he looked sunburned year round...his eyes tho a nice blue were yellowed from jaundice of liver disease...as well as most of his skin.   He smelled really bad...in fact we used to put on a mask  when around him because the smell was so offensive. 

There was a pay phone Leon used to phone us and we would generally pick him up there and take him to Jamaica hospital.  It would come over dispatch as this "the seizure at Jamaica and Myrtle, see Leon at the pay phone."  That's how much of regular he was... he would be given a meal to eat...probably an IV with dextrose for his sugar, and sometimes a shower...depending on the nurse he got but he would be given his same dirty clothes to put back on when he was released sometimes that same day depending on how busy they were.  The staff always wanted to call family to pick him up but he always refused and left to find his way back to his corner alone.  At one time he had a bike...some other guy knocked him out and took it a couple years ago...and he still grumbled about that stolen bike.  

One Christmas I had a decent partner for a change and he said I have an idea....so we went to a bakery and bought a flat of donuts and 2 large coffees.  We drove down to the pay phone and there was Leon and his mates all hanging out some were sober or as sober as they get since it was early in the day...We  got out and passed out donuts and poured coffee into cups for them...that was my MOST favorite Christmas memory of the almost 7 years I spent in NYC...I recall Leon saying Merry Christmas to us and he really meant it, as he  devoured the precocious sugar his brain and body needed. 

It put tears on my face and it was the last time I saw Leon!  He actually died in the hospital not long after that...what I heard was he was transported to the ER and they put him in an isolation room.  They did not give him proper treatment and he had a massive seizure and died.   I was really sad when I learned of that.  I could only imagine how devastated his family was as I have felt that loss myself. 

I don't begin to understand just how unhappy you must be to completely destroy yourself like suicide or the slow way like Leon did but just take your most  unhappy day and extrapolate from that...pretty damn sad I say.  This country is sick...we are a sick society.  I think capitalism is at the root of this sadness.  Either we  have too little or we have too much or the struggle to move in either direction is a heavy burden...

The well to do take Something to help them unwind and sleep so they can get up and go it again...the poor use drugs or alcohol to forget they are not where they want to be or living how they want to live.  We have either been or on our way there.  Wish I had some answers I have plenty of questions.  I always think solving the problem is the answer but solve one and another takes it place, it's like soldiers on the battle field one falls another one takes it's place but still a soldier with a battle to fight.

So where are the happy people?   I see all this Christmas crap being put on the shelves of stores and all I can think of is Leon on that corner with powdered sugar on his face saying "Merry Christmas". 

Where are the happy people.....?