Pondering and

ondering if...

Tomorrow I can actually get in my van and drive into town?...it's 14 days since I came down with the virus straight from Hell illness, so I think if I am feeling about as well as I do today I have 2 things that really need to happen. The big toe on my left foot is trying to get red again but it's not too bad as of now I will keep an eye on it and I think I may get an ice pack out. 

Things have been pretty heavy in here lately so I'm trying to lighten up...I can be intense, I don't do news on weekends so I have not heard any of the latest politics to ruin my day...I filled up my bird feeders and noticed I'm almost out of seed this is something I have to take care of and the battery operated blower I got from Lowes...CRAP...so I want to take it back so I can get that refunded before I pay that bill...
The hedge pruners are great the blower won't even begin to budge pine needles off my patio.  I had tried it before I got sick and thought I would give it one more try in case the battery was not fully charged so it's been sitting there 2 weeks charging, and I gave it a quick try this morning after filling up the feeders NO way it's not worth the $89.  It's a the Black n Decker Power Command --useless.  So I will look for a different brand when I'm feeling more  like dealing with that, for now just returning this one is on my agenda.  Maybe the brand in the blue box...hmmmm 

The dogs need some of the frozen Chicken Strips I feed them.  And I need some fresh produce so IF I am able to do it, I will make 2 stops...
I also was able to cook a pot of Black Eyed Peas that will be my meals for the next couple of days.  So easy to do I put it on and just let it to simmer while I watched a few youtube videos, and now it's all done.
My son actually texted to see if Im still alive, imagine that next I expect to get one where he needs a loan...
I actually visited Casey's grave, in the backyard... which I have missed since it's something I do every single day.  Tears always come but it's part of the process of life without someone you adored and loved.  I am a long mourner...It took me years, well actually I am not finished mourning the death of my horse Sundance he died in 1996...

Its not in me to just forget the souls I have loved so dearly...I had a dream on Friday night...and MOM was there she quickly walked passed me and she waved at me...it was the younger version of Mom, I awoke screaming "there she is" omg then tears before bedtime.  More wet pillows...

Windchimes make me smile so I hung one by her crypt and so she could hear it when the wind blows...I told her on a visit if she ever needed me just ring that bell....Im still waiting for her to need me like I need her.  I just miss her so terribly you can not imagine...or maybe you can if it has happened to you. 

You know it's funny my Mom and I didnt have a good relationship till I was 20 years old...I know why but that is a story for an entire book not a paragraph...although one word may do it, Survival.

Today I feel very alone, maybe since I have not seen any human except thru my window for 14 days I really don't enjoy being around people I'll take animals any day so my 2 girls are my family.   They watch over me and Annie is the drill sgt making sure I get up to fed them and have water in the bowl.  They have a doggie door that takes them onto the screen porch then into the fenced yard so they come and go as they wish to but when it's hot outside they hang out in the ac with me.  Floss is so smart if I flip the wall switch on, she looks up immediately to see if the ceiling fan is going to come on..so the other day I showed her where the wall switch is for the kitchen lights she got it within one try...she figured out the ceiling fan thing by herself..

I drew her attention to the switch in the kitchen, pointed to it, then once I turned it on I pointed to the light she watched...then I turned it off, then when I flipped it on, she looked at the light...so clever. She would make an excellent service dog.  And I had a tissue to wipe down my nose I was sneezing,,,,then I would sneeze wipe, and then it would hit again I had left the tissue on the couch I sneezed she looked at the pile of tissue she knew that was next.  

She hates any beep, and text messages .  She heard a beep on TV someone got a text message, she looked at my phone laying on the table, then she checked her path to the back door to make sure she had a clear shot to run out if I grabbed that phone....
I know you have had the tv on when someone would knock on  A door,....my dogs jump up bark and run to the back door they think we have company.  I think all dogs so this sometimes I knock on wood because I'm superstitious and they think it's a Jehovah's Witness. 

There is a gate with a sign at my parking area and this gate comes into the yard, their domain...the sign says BEWARE OF DOG...this one FedEx guy didn't bother to read that sign, oh my--- hell hath no fury like 2 surprised dogs..and one very frighten man holding a box who dared to actually come into the screen porch, but got no farther before 100 lbs of black fur with 2 heads and 4 rows of sharp teeth were barred at him.  Surprise this time the sign was right? Im just glad this happened while I was home to control them and stop the attack. Floss will bite. She is the protector.

Well tomorrow I may tackle religion who knows...politics, religion, and what's the other topic that rounds out the trifecta of no no topics? OH yeah ---->MONEY!! 
for sure.