Finally

ILL LEAVE IN THE AM...

...it's blast off for the camp trip saw my sis today as they stopped on the way so we could visit mom's grave, and I got the toaster oven, and it fits perfectly...and we had a nice one hr visit.  

The day started off grey but the clouds moved on and the sun was out but it never got out of chilly range, HOPE I packed right it's always a crap shoot. You can start out in heavy clothes and jacket and then be in shorts by 1 pm...so who knows no way to prepare for the unknown.  Instead of taking my heaviest jacket I figure if its that cold I can layer up with what I have I even took a pair of women's long johns to  put on in case it gets that chilly. 

I have most everything packed in the van, I still have to put my food out of the fridge into the cooler then put that into the van, and some of the dogs items...last minute stuff.  

I will be happy to have the drive behind me, the dogs are gonna freak out when they realize we are going somewhere they have watched me all day laying by the gate just in case I hollered...."lets go" they have been a part of that scenario many times. They don't like the van to get out of their sight when we travel, they know that is the portal to home. 

I doubt I will have internet so probably no posts till end of the week, Im taking my laptop to dump my camera each day tho..

Again

EATHER MAN IS WRONG!

The sun is supposed to be shining but it's not it's completely socked in with grey clouds...very depressing for me.  My Mom had to sit in front of a light for a month, I don't think that does any good unless you do it every day for life.  I def have an aversion to cloudy weather.  Libra is an air sign so I guess when I look up I wanna see blue sky over my head.  

Back in the day my best friend was a Capricorn.  I mean she still is a Capricorn, but we are not best friends any longer.  If you read the Zodiac, Libra does not pair well with Virgo or Capricorn. We got along well till I finally saw thru the mask she wore.  She actually told me she wore a mask, and I was always thinking metaphorically but didn't realize she had it on when she was with ME.  When the unveiling happened it hit me like a stone.  She was putting on a face for me, but why??? If you must work that hard to have someone in your life it's hardly worth it.  But the truth came rushing in like a breeched dam and I ended our friendship in swift gush or words.  

I accidentally erased that email. She told me she had no phone for the last 3 years of our friendship so I could not call her, she lived too far away for visits, and so email is how we stayed in touch between visits...there was always lies, and weird things that didn't add up.  I managed to explain them away in a rational way as Libra is a very rational thinker.  I found out later she had a phone, a cell  phone she kept with her at all times!!  OF course she had a lie to explain that too...her son had gotten a "free Obama phone" and it didn't work out in the boonies where he was so he got on a phone plan and gave her the Obama phone ONLY a day before I found out she had it...how amazing eh?  That was a huge lie, the phone was hers.  But the straw came in 2015.

I had big plans for a month long road trip to the Pacific Northwest.  My friend, who had just been laid off her job was living in an old boyfriends (who she was also stringing along) mobile home to be close to that job she had.  The mobile home leaked like crazy with every rain and she said mold had begun to develop.  So she owned a home but her whack job son was living there. What happened is her mom died, she moved into her mom's house and then the son moved in with her, and he was so impossible to deal with when she landed the job in a town about 40 minutes away and the x boyfriend had moved to Charleston to take a job there  his place was empty so one thing led to another and she moved over there, that is the short version of that story.  

So....now that job ended so she wanted to get back into her house so she told me she was going to be going over to her house to clean out one of the bedrooms and make room for her belongings so she could move back in, if she could afford the gas to make the drives back n forth. This is something she had been talking of doing for months!!

 NOW I understand how impossible that could have been, living with him. He was on disability for mental reasons...which is where I think my own son is headed by the way.  We will see...but he is telling me he is getting hired at another retail job, he went to do the paper work and was in a PANIC later just from dealing with that so I don't see how it will ever become a reality...but back to my story. 

 

SO we were going to be gone 2 months at least.  I was at that time living with my Mom who was 91.  So in order for me to take this trip I would travel my Mom and my 3 dogs to Colorado where they (except for Casey who went with me) would stay with my sis for the month while I traveled and and I would spend some time there as well after I retuned from the trip...so I offered for my friend to come stay at our house and use it as a home base for getting that room in her house ready for her to move into...Since our house was about 15 minutes or so from the house she inherited from her mom.  

In return she would keep the sticks picked up that I knew would fall in the yard, keep the bird feeders filled, and of course take care of the house.  Sooo...that was the arrangement.  She asked me if she could invite her bother and his wife over for dinner one night while she was staying there and I said sure why not.  So we had   a landline phone in the house and I would call every so often to see how she was etc...

Now all this time she had been telling me she was over there moving things around etc...since her mother passed some things had been shifted into the room, and when she moved out her son had begun to stash things in there and it sounded like a mess to be honest...but she had been telling me her plan. There was a storage building that she would go thru first to make room for what she would keep...and she had a 30 ft airstream camper in the yard, if the room didn't work she was gonna get the air stream ready to live in and she could hook right into the electric and septic system there...OK...that was the plan. I even offered to move the air stream TO our yard to make it easy for her to accomplish the work she wanted to do inside, but she had 11 thousand reasons why that would not work....

 Two weeks before we were arriving back home I called her, no answer, I left a message on the machine...and  no return call so I emailed her.  I wanted to give her plenty of time to get herself moved into her house or the airstream before we arrived back home.  

She finally answered my email about 2 days before we arrived home...during that time I had tried again to contact her with no reply...I was a little upset and didn't answer right away in fact I waited 9 days which is how long it took her to finally answer me. In that time she must of emailed me 3 times asking if we arrived safe, are we ok, she hasn't heard from me, yada yada. 

 She did not move into her house or the airstream...and she did not keep up our place up, it was dirty, she didn't take the trash away, (we live rural area you have to take your own trash away to a center) she did not pick up the sticks, the bird feeders were a moldy wet mess, one of our recliner chairs was broken and unusable, the floor was not clean, the oven was a mess where she had cooked, she left old stale food in the fridge,  and she had moved back into the mobile home of the old boyfriends. 

So that to me just told me I was dealing with someone who had no intentions of ever following through with what she said she would do and not just that but through the years she had done some pretty mind blowing things that I never fully understood.  So I just laid it out and said "I really have lost my connection to you, for the person you are showing me is NOT who you are." 

And the dishonesty of who she was vs who she pretended to be was what caused me to completely back away. It was not real, she was not real, she was faking it! 

So the reason I'm thinking of this is now is I understand some things that I did not fully understand at the time.  I don't condone but I do get it.  Anyways I was thinking of her yesterday and I wonder how she is.  About a year ago I was out in the area near her house and so I made a turn and drove past it, her car, the one she had been driving was there and it had tall grass around it like it's not being driven  and has not been for a long time. There was a motorcycle in the yard and a big Ram Truck...so I have to wonder if she is living there or was it the son living there still? He always did have a motorcycle in his life. She is old enough now to be retired...she was 4 yrs younger than I.  

So I guess I will never know how things are going in her life.  I hope she was finally able to lay the mask down and be who she is.  I have to wonder was any part of her personality real, or was it all make believe?  

Question is...

HAT TO DO....

Do you ever have this thing going on where you want to do something but then you really don't? That's where I'm at today in my thinking.  I had this plan to go do the food shopping for my trip but with my fridge freezing everything some of my supplies may end up frozen. 👀 So I think I will wait --and today is a really yukky day weather wise...like lots of rain is coming it's to arrive about noon which is one hour away.  

I could not get myself moving this morning, I just ate breakfast like 30 mins ago...and I looked up the recipe for gluten free vegan pancakes,  so I have to wonder how it will taste.   I def use real Maple Syrup.  After switching to Maple Syrup I can not do the Pancake syrup stuff, there is no comparison. 

Halloween is coming....

Some Grizzly details:

  Now that's it close to Halloween, some crime stories have popped onto the airwaves.  I follow a taphophile who has a YT channel he visits the graves of famous people and lately it's been people who died from violence.  So then he visited the grave of Stephen Stayner.  What a tragic family, period.  

Stephen Stayner was kidnapped in 1972 walking home from school.  He escaped in 1980 after being kept for 7 years by a pedophile who told him his family had disowned him.   A TV  movie was made about the incident called "I Know My  First Name is Stephen". 

So brother Cary had been praying for 7 yrs for the return of his brother Stephen, but then when he returned Stephen got tons of attention and actually died 9 yrs later in a motorcycle accident.  

   Then this morning in bed at 6 am when I woke up but was too cold to actually get out of bed I put the tv on...I just left it on the channel it was on just some white noise to hopefully put me back to sleep but the story sounded familiar and I rolled over to see.  The story was about 3 women who disappeared in Yosemite park in 1999.  It caught my attention because I was in Yosemite park the year before in 1998 with my Mom!  So I felt a little creeped out.  We did not stay in or near the park we did a touristy driving tour and passed thru seeing the highlights of the park made a full day of it, and on to the next adventure...but here is the story of Cary Stayner, brother of Stephen. 

So Cary ended up somehow living with his uncle Jesse Stayner in the early 90's and in 1990 Uncle Jesse was found murdered.  A neighbor found the door open and went to investigate.  The day after Christmas...This is such a crazy story.  He left work to go home for lunch and was killed by his own shot gun.  No one was ever arrested. 

So one son is kidnapped and returns 7 yrs later, and dies in motorcycle accident, the other son moves in with Uncle, and uncle is shot dead in his home.  I have no clue where Cary lived after that but eventually he ended up working at the Cedar Lodge outside Yosemite Park, where these 3 women disappeared from.  The women a 42 yr old Mom, her daughter who was 16 and a 16 yr old foreign exchange student who lived with them, Carole Sund, daughter Juli, and Silvina Pelosso.

The investigation was thrown off course, when the ID of Carole was found in a nearby town in the middle of the street.  

Then another person  Joie Ruth Armstrong who was employed at Yosemite was discovered murdered on the property where she lived near the park and she had been beheaded.  It was the tread on Cary Stayner's vehicle that got the attention of the FBI and when he was brought in for more questioning he admitted he killed her and the other women and had been fantasizing about killing women since he was 7 yrs old.  

He was tried and sentenced to death, but he is still alive and in prison in San Quinten, CA. 

So like how much mayhem is more than you can handle?  He said he was sexually abused, story says by an Uncle was it the one who was murdered? Probably.   I could research more but what difference does it make? Mental illness is so prevalent and we don't even know who what when or where because there is no help for the walking mental cases.  Not until he went to JAIL did he get a diagnosis. Most never do get that.  It's pretty sad that we don't try to help people who are mentally disturbed we only want to study them and put labels on them...so where is the cure?  

Our nation brags about it's wealth while citizens go hungry, homeless, without medical care, and without educations.  So where is the sense in that?? We have beautiful buildings, beautiful cars, beautiful everything but we are ravaged by mayhem. 

It's all around us.  

Could be...

RINKLES IN TIME...

That has nothing to do with my day just wrote it because it came into my mind...

Today it got windy about mid day it's calmer now...but the day is done for me.  I didn't get a lot done, only a couple of things some cleaning in the van, and a little more organization.  I got the screen room out of the closet, and hauled it out to the porch.  

Got some kitchen cleaning done, my sis is bringing me a toaster oven they bought a long ago for a different travel trailer they had...and it ended up in their pantry.  When I was living in her house those couple months with Mom, we got the oven out of the pantry and we used it. I really liked that oven, so she is bringing it to me! Im excited about that it's much bigger than mine so it will take some getting  used to be but I think there is plenty of space for it on the unit where I keep my current one. 

It feels much colder this afternoon, I guess the wind was a cold front moving in. Im watching a weird episode of the Outer Limits.  This girl who had started out as a twin, somehow she was absorbed into the body of the living twin.  And she began to realize the other twin was living inside her.  😕 And in the end the twin inside consumed the other twin. 

My fridge is acting up again, it's freezing everything inside it.  I turned it down and brought all the food in away from the inside wall and that helped but some things like some lettuce was ruined...and I had 2 avocado in there once they thawed I had to eat them right away.  I had almost forgotten about the fridge issues..

Maybe that is where the title came from the oven and fridge from the past coming into my present and future. 

Today was spent...

ITH ACHING BACK...

Picking up the dogs yesterday hurt my back...and today it's been giving me a fit.  Every time I move...and I just got the SI problem to stop hurting, seems lately Im just falling short.

Im not doing a good job with anything these days.  Im not doing right by my dogs, Im not doing right by my place so much is going undone.  I think I need to make some big changes to my life...but HOW.  I just don't have the energy and strength I once had...I have to face that.  JUST going on this little camp trip has cost me a lot of worry and it shouldn't but the way my life is now it is.  I should not have agreed to go along...I just didn't think about the big picture.  

Its' hot today I sure hope it wont be this hot down there next week cause I will be quite uncomfy. Im taking a fan of course but that only helps when you're sitting right in front of it.  

Today I did something I never do I shopped for shoes in a real shoe store. I got a pair of sketchers that feel pretty good on my feet.  I must wear them a little each day to get them broken in...So I will take those and my old trusty ones that are worn out. 

My life is too streamlined and that is the trouble. I am very set in my ways.  I was not always this way but  I evolved into this...I def want and desire the simple life and that is what I have but when ONE other person is interjected into that it becomes almost a road block.  

Anyways just observations about aging in place...

And..

ELL THAT WAS FUN....NOT. 

So on the 23rd as the sign said, the mobile vet would be at the IGA parking lot, got dogs groomed sprayed some smell good cologne on them and away we went...vet never showed up!

Pulled my phone out to check their website, date on sign was wrong..

So had to pack dogs up again today and got the chore done...

POOR Floss, she fell off the ramp on her way out of the van because she got so excited when other dogs were unloaded right by our door, and I was trying to hold onto Annie who was already out she came down first but Floss just couldn't do it without more help than I gave her so down she went and she was no good the rest of the time. She could barely walk Im sure she turned her leg on the way down...and then she "sit fell" two more times when they had to weigh her and when I got her off the table...

Just horrid experience for her, IM so worried about this camp trip.  She has not even come inside yet she is still laying out in the yard just snoozing in her favorite spot.  Annie was fine as normal.  

So I got their shots taken care of and their heartworm Blood test was negative, and they will get a box of Heart Guard in the mail...they don't carry it with them for some reason anymore...Guess I can call and have another box mailed in 3 months...

It is very cool inside but it got warm outside.  I worked on more Van prep stuff when we got back, and now I'm inside done for the day making some lists of what I need for my food purchase for the trip.  I am to supply 3 components for the evening meal.  So I got Wild Rice with Couscous for one meal...I will make a Seafood salad using imitation Crab Meat. And for the 3rd I will do my twice done potato. 
I will precook it at home and make my seafood salad before leaving and keep it in the fridge till time to pack the food. 

I have decided I will take my Pop up shelter with the screen room for the dogs, this way I can bring them out into the room and tie them there and not bring her in and out the van each time they need to go pee...Of course when we go to do the birding we have planned they will stay in my sisters camper if we will be gone longer than an hour or two at the most...

Tomorrow I need to work on getting some Christmas boxes prepped for them to take back to CO with them this way I won't have to mail any packages!! It will be SUPER simple.  I got some nice faux  fleece cozy socks for the sisters, and I will come up with something for my BIL, and put a little gift card in each box.  There's some really sturdy and cute gift boxes at Dollar General and the box makes a great gift also to store things in, I have several of those boxes in my closet, and in my storage cabinets with old photos and Greeting cards I've received thru the years that I want to keep so it's a gift in and off it's self.  I had wanted to handmake my Cards, but I won't have time. I have plenty of store bought cards anyways but I am handmaking their Birthday cards in fact I already have those done and one was given back on Oct 1. 

Well I hope Floss can recover, and now my back is hurting after lifting them up on the table, I did ask the vet if he could prescribe her a pain med he said no they can only prescribe preventative meds at the mobile clinics, so I would have to bring her in, but I will just do that at my regular vet, she has not been to see the regular vet since she tore that ACL back in whatever year it was. Been several years actually.  My other sis has already said her dog Jimmy will not going on any more pleasure trips it's too hard for him he had diabetes, and he had eye surgery and the change in elevation affects his eye pressure. 

I will be happy to have the trip behind me, I am looking forward to spending time with my sis...and then getting the girls safely back home. 

Pet Vet...

ILL IT HAPPEN?

I forgot to look today at the sign they put out for the Mobile Pet Vet tomorrow is the day I plan to take the girls to get their shots updated.  Last month they cancelled it the day before! So I really hope this time it happens...because they are now past due.  One never knows I have a wild fox hanging out more and more and he looks perfectly healthy but he could have canine disease.  If my dogs should ever come face to face with him I expect he will run but I don't want to take any chances with that I have not been allowing the girls to go into the field since I saw him the first time. 

He was out again tonight and he was fast to cross the field and all the squirrels started to squawk I wouldn't mind if he harvested some of the squirrels around here.  So I guess I will load the girls up and head down there about 11 am, they are to start at 11:30 and I expect a big crowd.  May as well put on my be patient hat...cause it's always a zoo...people show up with dogs and no leash on the dog, carrying cats in their arms and other stupid things...one lady had a big lab run out and attack the line last time I was there and that's been a while ago...One girl had a whole liter of pups she tried to control by holding two and pressing 2 between her legs, they all got away in the end and we each had to help round them  up...I have written about many of these trips in the past...

Im becoming such a hermit I don't want to do anything that involves other people!  (especially stupid people) I really don't know how my future self is going to resolve that I've always been a the type who needs lots of alone time to function.  Now it seems I need all my time to be ALONE time.  AND Im completely fine with that although I do sometimes enjoy a chat with a stranger, like today at the cemetery the guy who does the grass, the grounds keeper was there when I arrived to photo some more headstones.  I've seen him before and we have spoken and each time it's a little longer...but today he got off the tractor and came and stood there and talked like over an hour!  We shared some stories and some thoughts on the state of the world etc.  

Its hard to think a 29 yr old AA and a 68 yr old white woman would have enough in common to spend an hour chatting...but we did.  He has some interesting ideas, of how he thinks the "govt" is trying to divide and conquer us, well its been going on for years around the world and the way things are going it would not surprise me if he's correct.  We both could not find seeds to get our winter gardens in soil...he seems a peaceful sort. 

I did buy more Broccoli seedlings, so wish me luck...wish I had an enclosed cold frame. I have an old piece of glass I could use so we'll see.  It's one week till I leave for the beach trip so I won't be doing any building till I get back. 

So now it's time for Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy which is an American way to unwind the busy part of a day and  transition into night time...I used to NOT like Pat Sajack but I tolerate him pretty well now.  Vanna is from Myrtle Beach very close to where I'm headed next week, and altho I think she should refuse to wear the shoes they put her in, I like her. I miss Alex Trebek but the guest host is doing a good job.  I'd like to see Buzzy Cohen get that job. 

I didn't have any gulten today the itching was really bad last night I have bruises on both legs, and I brought blood on both ankles...UGH!

Yes,

EDNESDAY BLEW BY ME....

Seems like just yesterday it was Friday now it's almost Friday again..

I just read that Medicare payments will rise from $148 monthly to $158 in 2022... and the deductible is going to be $213 from $203.  So there goes our "increase of 5.9%" Works out to be just about that...

I need to get my thyroid check done on this calendar year...hope its not too late then I wont have to repay my deductible, I never get out of the deductible range...I  think Medicare paid about $40 bucks for me this year.  Only one year has it been helpful to me.  The rest of the time I pay but get nothing back...I almost wish I had not gotten it but actually THEY signed up me for it automatically! I did not ask to be put on it.  But I guess I could have it stopped then of course I'd get a huge illness and bam!

The US giveth and US taketh away...my increase would be $60 per month, so $10 goes directly to a rise in Medicare payment, then they won't pay my Doctor until I use up $213 out of my pocket... that will eat up any remainder in the increase for me to get my yearly bloodwork and script renewal at the Doctors office.  ONE visit to the Dr's office is $133...that does not count any labs, and the follow up visit will be another $133.  She is not even a DR she is a NP and she is in the room all of 10 mins maybe...

And another ?? What "fund" is the money coming from to pay for all the vaccines that is being given?  Is that coming out of Medicare? ITS free to everyone but we know Big Pharm is not giving it away the US is buying it, with what funds is my question? Is that why our Medicare went up?  And to be honest I have no plans to get a 3rd shot unless the virus mutates and becomes bigger than it was. 

Extortion is what it is, kind of like the whole thing in Haiti.  WHY are American's there?...Human life now has monetary value....Unless they go in with an armed detail they are just creating problems...if they really want to help the people of Haiti, military action is necessary. 
I really think the State Dept should issue a warning to ALL Americans who are there stay at your own risk and you are part of this problem. They are a source of income to the thugs.  Obviously it's not a good place to be, and I for one believe THIS is what warrants Military action.   NO OIL in Haiti so don't look to the good ole' USA to be helping out in that one.  And the fact that most Haitians are non white...I mean look at all the atrocities that countries of Africa have perpetrated and not once has the US intervened.  Blood for oil is ok, but blood for blood no way. 

It's a humane disaster down there and yet they have not said one WORD about solving the problem.  

They would put more resources at the border to keep the victims out than they would put in going in with a military Invasion and rid the area of the criminals who have taken over, and help secure an honest election.  Yes we are not Nation builders but we can be a Peace Keeping deterrent to violence until a stabilizing law n order can be put in place??? 

Meanwhile China is slowly commandeering the shipping industry.  They are building ports all over the world...ports that they will control...and they are funding this by the sale of their cheap no account goods...world wide...BUT if they control the port they control what enters and exits that port.  Doesn't anyone see the ridiculousness of this?

What the hell do I  know? 

Feels like

INTER 

...really cold after being used to the heat, I need more time to acclimate.  I have on my heaviest flannel comfy thing to lounge in (that I inherited from Mom 💓) till bedtime...and I have on my Muc Lucs fake sheepswool lounging footware.  Im as cozy as can be, and I have on a tiny bit of heat too. 

Today I cut a tree, one that is part of a problem.  A big pine, has these 2 water or willow oaks growing right up besides the big pine they rub together. So eventually those trees will def be a bigger problem.  I could only cut one of them but Im going to try again to get the second one..I got tired and it's easy to make a mistake when you're tired.  This second tree is going to be difficult to fell due to the Pine tree it's hugging, and the fence right beside it, I will try using the pole saw to cut it up high first and allow the top section to fall on the opposite side of the fence...the tree is about 30 ft tall and it's about 8 inches in diameter.  So it's not a small tree.  The One I cut today was not as tall and about 5 inches in diameter.  The Pine is HUGE probably 80 ft tall and 22 inches in diameter.   

Many of my pines are dying due to the pine beetle, Im a little concerned about the huge one in the front yard, it's at least 30" diameter, maybe more and it's easily 120 ft tall...I should have cut these pines when they were small...The don't just fall down luckily, but they come apart limb by limb...little by little  As they die they lose mass since they no longer take up water. 

There is a dead oak in Mom's yard that I plan to get also for firewood...I am ready to cut it just gotta get busy and do it. 

So now my skin is super sensitive, and even the seams inside my shirts feel scratchy. UGH!  My first attempt at Gluten free bread was a semi success...it's edible, but it crumbles easily...tasty with margarine on it.  I made a big pot of Cranberry beans to go with the bread.  I think I will stick with corn bread and use the gluten free flour to make cupcakes, I love cornbread! 

The crisis in Haiti why doesn't the US send the Army there to stop the armed gangs and stabalize the nation with which needs an election to replace their murdered leader....it's insane what is happening there,,,no wonder the people are fleeing. 

Another

EIRD DAY...

It's cold today only got up to 64F after it being 86F for several days it feels quite different.  I worked a bit in my van getting it organized for the camp trip end of the month.  I have to make a few lists now to see what I will take with me  in the way of food, clothing.  I have organized my Kitchen Kit which is small...and I have All my bedding in there...just have to put a heater in cause it will probably be cold at night.  I need to figure out a ground cover I have a tarp and I'd like to put a rug on top of that so the dogs can have a spot to lay down without getting into dirt.  If it's nice enough for them to do that...I still don't know if I will bring my screen room...It is helpful and defines a space for them to hang out.  THIS whole trip was my sister's idea not mine. Im not really one to stay in one spot for 3 nights!! Especially with my dogs..they are used to traveling during the day taking a few hikes, and then we sleep at night and move on the next day...so now they can't hike, and it's just gonna be a lot of excess energy for them to deal with.  I almost wish I had not agreed to do this why didn't she just come spend 3 days with me here at home? Would have been so much easier... 

So I have the cooler fixed, the kitchen kit is in, I need to put my metal folding table in, and last minute will be the food and clothing.  Since I will  be bringing my dogs I think I will put the cooler either in the front seat or between the front seats.  So they  have more space to lay down.  I don't think I will bring their beds, havent decided yet.  It may help keep them outta my space more if I do that...Once we are  parked I guess I can push the seats up as far as they go to get a bit more floor space for them...so some more planning yet to do. 

I put my heavy comforter on my bed here at home, and the electric blanket, I use it to warm up the bed before getting in, sure makes a difference.  Takes only a couple minutes to warm up it up and it sure feels cozy when you get in...I have one of those memory foam toppers and that thing is like ice in winter till it gets warm. 

Laundry done today, and the plants are all tucked in so winter rules in place now. So Im on a free phone plan that is for seniors like me, they just got sold out to T Mobile, which I wish that had not happened, anyways they are making all of us get new phones, that means learning a lot of new stuff activating a new phone, I really don't want to do it but the phone arrived and now I will have set it all up again, it's the Notifications etc that I hate to have to deal with because I have them set up the way I like it, I dont want ANY notification except my messages. So I have to go thru that whole thing again...otherwise it becomes nothing more than an AD machine.  I've had some invader ads, disable my phone before and it's a huge pain...so Im putting if off as Long as possible.  I really dont want Better connection that means more stuff can creep in. I keep the wifi turned off! 

I really don't like when things are out of my control...like planning a camp trip and what phone I will use.  

So just daily grind stuff...but I felt uneasy today like I should be somewhere else doing something else, weird.  Since I've been taking the Benadryl for the itch I have been having a lot of nightmares! 

GOT

ITCH HAZEL?

Why did I have this idea of starting this blog with a W, it's very hard to keep coming up with a Dubbwa word that ties in with my thoughts. 

So the witch hazel does not work as well as just the alcohol.  The Vinegar works fairly well but it's fruity smelling and kinda sticky the alcohol evaporates fast and does not make my skin sticky.  Cortisol cream is very sticky and doesn't really work at all...so that was a waste of money. 

I had  a couple of tough itchy episodes today, I know I keep bringing it up but trust me,,,,did you know the skin is the largest organ of the body? Yeah so it's a pretty big deal when it hurts! Especially day in and day out.  SCREAMMM..

yeah. 

IM so bored today...nothing I did satisfied my mind.  I think the itch has something to do with that.  I went to crazyville better known as Walmart...OMG how many times have I said I don't ever want to go back there?  Trouble is they have the most inventory right now...the smaller stores in town have even less.  So I did find some Gluten free bread, tortillas, and flour.  Im not in the mood to bake but it's going to be cooler so I hope that will be more of an option. 

It was bumper to bumper carts in there...I told this one guy I want one of those ray guns that sends people off to another planet, he said he wants one too and then I said OH and I want one for my car and he said DEF want one for his car...lol so we are all in each others' way...and some more so than others...who would pull up alongside another cart and just stop?? Please push it up so we can pass...omg. Thats like a car in the slow lane and a car right beside it in the fast lane going the same speed!

So got home it was warm outside! So I had to put the AC on... didn't want to do much outside filled up the bird feeders, then watered plants picked some young spinach enough for a meal and then inside.  But Im not hungry.  The Cowhorn Chili pepper is on the front deck...It needs to be outside in the sun a bit longer so these chili's can turn red.  I hope with it being right by the door squirrels won't bother it. 

It has several peppers and they are pretty big I look forward to trying them...I didn't realize they would be this big...

We are supposed to get rain maybe tomorrow...the wind has picked up a wee bit so I hope we do get some rain we had a whole week of clouds but it was only drizzle, we didn't get enough rain out of all those clouds. 

I wish I had something to look forward to tonight but I just don't. 

OH yeah,

HAT DAY IS IT?

Friday again!  Every Friday marks another week of our life down the tubes eh? So I have not eaten gluten in about 60 hrs...so far it's easy but it's surprising how many foods have Gluten. The worst of the itching usually happens at 7 am and 7 pm.  It's weird how you can find patterns in everything in life when you are the type personality I am...I like to figure things out.  

So I catch onto patterns pretty quick.  I don't always take my own advice tho...so there in lies a problem.  I hope at 7 tonight I can avoid the itch so I will take the Benadryl now to try and get a jump on it.  I'm trying to "rub" instead of scratch with nails....and that helps prevent more problems, a few spots I got ahold of are raw and irritated, so I hope I can control the urge to scratch. 

Anyways wish me luck on the scratching tonight...It's very irritating and it keeps me in a jumpy mood!  But today was a pretty good day it bothered me early while I was still in bed so I ended up splashing alcohol on the bad places that helps and someone said get witch hazel so I will try that. If it smells okay, I've never took a whiff of witch hazel, but it sounds awful!

Today  was the day I had to get all my plants moved inside for the winter, we have a rain day coming tomorrow followed by falling temps...so I figured to get it done before the rain comes so I spent the day taking care of that and  you know how one thing leads to another. 

So My porch looks good all the plants gone and floor swept up but now the laundry room is very crowded... I will get used to it, it's that way every year when it takes me a few days to get used to the crowded feel.  Anyways I hope they all survive, I cut back all my peppers and the eggplant to try and over winter.  I took clippings of the tomato plant one has already rooted, I did put it soil but If it grows I plan to keep it clipped. 

I've been following the Gabby Petito case.  I do not believe Brian the suspect is "missing" because his parents are not acting like they have a missing son.  Maybe they murdered him for all we know! 

Recall the Daybells, another case I followed up until they were arrested...and sometimes I watch Court TV at night if I wake up at 3 am and nothing is on but Vacuum Cleaner and Air Fryer infomercials..so they did the same thing the kids went missing and they would not answer any questions, they just went about their life, but then the kids were found buried in the backyard! 

There is no way out of that! I think Brain Laundrie is hiding out with the help of his parents.  They have him in a rental or he flew out on a cash purchased ticket.  And the manner of death is strangulation by throttling, homicide.  There is no explaining that away.   Even if he tries, since he used her credit card to pay for his return trip from Wyo to FL, he can't say she just up and left because she would have taken her credit card with her...AND it was her van, looks like she was dead a month when they discovered her. He left right after her death and arrived in FL, on Sept 1.  They found her on Sept 19.  She was last seen on Aug 27th. with him, I think that was the last day of her life.  Two witnesses said he hitched rides with them...and then GOT out really fast.  So he must have had a change of plan and decided to go back to the van, possibly where he had left her remains and carried her to where they found her then he left for home...its takes about 3 days and 2 nights to drive from Wyo to Fl.  
He may or may not have told his parents the truth of why he came back without Gabby, but Im sure they helped him get "lost". 

Anyways it's just another Friday here in my life. 

What to do...

HEN LIFE THROWS LEMONS...

Wish I knew the answer to that question! I have been up against some stuff lately that has me so confused I don't know how to act or react let's just say my first reaction is ANGER.  So I have tried to make myself take a time out but even that is not always enough.

The rash is making my temper even harder to curtail as it's always annoyingly in the background of every stressful moment.  And did I mention it's almost a mirror image on my body? If the left foot has a itchy red spot on the top the right foot has one in the exact same place except on the right, same with my arms, and legs...so this to me says NERVE related.  It is riding around in on my nerves.  So I did more research...Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disorder I was told I had by the NP that I see about a year ago.  I had not connected those dots at ALL...I will say I have not been good at taking my thyroid meds I am very forgetful in that way.

So I just read 50% of the people suffering from Hives also have Hashimoto's disease.  So I think I have my answer...I read that many of the sufferers take Zantac and Zyrtec.  So I have some acid reducer, It's a generic Zantac, And Zyrtec is an antihistamine, with less side effects that Benadryl.  AND I need to cut the gluten in my diet which is quite high I must say...every morning I start my day with some kind of gluten.  An English muffin, piece of toast, The big 3 no no's 2 of them are a major part of my diet Soy, Gluten, and  Dairy, not so much. but 2 out of 3 plus Hashimoto..

My script is up for renewal in 2 months so I will have to make a appointment.  I read so many horror stories of people trying to figure out why they were having endless days of this itchy hives and then they were finally told it's Hashimoto's Well I was told I had Hashimoto's but never put the 2 together, since I've only had the rash  over a period of about just over 2 weeks...or so I just kept thinking it will go away...BUT it may not!!

Stress does not help and as I have mentioned my son is giving me major stress right now.  Every time I put distance between us he comes back with another problem he needs help with mostly its financial right now since he still has not found a full time job!

So If I die today it' because I took Benadryl, Famotidine, Prednisone, Levothyroxine, and Levoxyl and ate bread. and was stressed to death!!

One guy said Just smoke pot you'll be fine...okay then. 
Damn this is not funny. 

Did it..

ENT EARLY ...

got some shopping done, was not able to get all that was on my list but most...The Walmart where I shopped has mostly bare shelves, I wanted to try this new plant based egg mix but they did'nt have it and they barely had any real eggs...so see this is what is next...so even if you have a job in retail it may not be a dependable source of income! They are not gonna find some other thing for you to do they will tell you to clock out!  That is exactly what happened to my son on that retail job he had a couple months back,....they are a low end retailer mostly from Chinese imports...and Im sure all their merch is sitting in a harbor somewhere.

Stockers will be sent home early no trucks to unload no merch to stock...SO bye bye for now...since they are hired as Part time...and there was no many checkers either I normally do the self check out since I like to bag my own but today it was no bagging going on due to no bags!  Walmart is very strict about clocking out for lunch and clocking in and out on time...if your shift is 2-10 you better not clock in more than 5 mins early and you better be there at 10 to clock out and if you don't go to your scheduled lunch break as they have it on your schedule you will be written up and warned...THEY will not pay OT  and this is how they keep that from happening, I know because I worked for them for 7 months!! If you are at 31.5 hrs they will come tell you to clock out in 1/2 hr they want part timers to be at 32 hrs.  

The shelves were bare, and no bags to carry your stuff out in, glad I always come in with my own bags, they actually had pulled bags outta the bag recycling bin to give people to use...BUT I don't think I want to use used bags those are supposed to be recycled you have no clue where or what that bag has been up to.

I finally got some yeast I want to learn to make my own Naan...I don't want to use Yogurt tho so I found a recipe using almond milk...I have been thinking more and more about my $15 a week survival plan.  I think the best way to do it is to make a list for the entire month, or $60. This way what is left from one week can carry to the next, and it just makes more sense.  Like a jar of Jam to use for muffin fill or on pancakes, can last more than one week.  A can of Coconut Milk will last more for than one recipe.  Because I always cut it with water.  I want to find a good recipe for muffins. 

I know I can sub apple sauce for eggs in most recipes. But I wanted to see how this plant based egg substitute would work in baking, they may have it at Foodlion. 

I got Cortisol for the itch and more Benadryl and some apple cider vinegar, that is the only thing that calmed the itch when I had Shingles! I had a very mild very small case of shingles but the spot on my side itched so bad I nearly dug thru to my ribs I swear, finally I did an online search and found out Apple Cider Vinegar works better than anything else, make a poultice using paper towel, and place it on the spot and let it sit,,,I used medical tape to hold it in place,,,what a relief,.but now these spots are over my entire body arms, legs, abdoman, so far not on my back thank goodness I think I would go insane.  I put the apple cider vinegar on a paper towel and rubbed it all over my arms legs and it feels better now...I dont like taking the benadryl so if I can get by without it that's what I prefer. 

 It  is coming on my forehead today it was itching when I got up.  Grrr 

NO...

AIT A MINUTE??

Last night the rash came back full force I had to get up in the middle of the night and take Benadryl to stop the itching which was driving me bat crazy...especially my legs!  Then when I drifted back to sleep I had a weird dream! Like a small lake, then it became an ocean RIGHT in my front yard...but wait a minute, suddenly I was living in a high rise and I need the elevator to take me to the 4th floor so I could warn my husband and son of the rising ocean outside, but LO and Behold there was no #4 button in this elevator....That's all I really remember I did go back n forth to many floors searching for the 4th...and I would look out at the rising water wondering why other people didn't seem to see it.  

Okay my mind has been under a lot of stress I challenge anyone to decipher that dream.  Anyways it left me feeling a little bit discombobulated this morning.  But the sun is out and it was not too hot I took a walk then watered my potted plants cooked a nice early Linner, and ate the whole thing.   This was good, cleaned up all the left overs in the fridge which was not that many I have not really shopped will be 3 weeks tomorrow.  Ive become such a hermit I just don't want to do it.  BUT Monday mornings is normally pretty slow about 10 am in town so I guess I will have to give it a shot!  I need to make a list otherwise I won't get what I need.  My mind sometimes goes blank once Im faced with the aisles of stuff...but more and more it's bare shelves of where stuff should be.

When I lived in NYC I did not shop...until I moved to Brooklyn, then I started to go and get enough for the 4 days I was off work the other 3 out in the city all day I just ate from street vendors, or deli shops, Mexican or Chinese shops, and on weekends sometimes I went for a sit down meal there was this Cuban place I really loved but it closed down and after that I stopped going out on my days off preferring to eat at home and take naps and beach walks and binge watch the CSI tapes sent by my sis.  

When I first moved to Brooklyn I was POOR half my income went to rent...I could not afford to buy food to be honest...MY partner in work was in the same boat and we would buy a bag of roasted pnuts in the shell and SHARE it....and I had DEBT lots of DEBT to pay off...my motivation for moving up to Paramedic was strictly an income strategy.  She and I both went to Medic school together.  We had to pay $6,000 for that....I cashed out the last of my Retirement fund and then put the rest on yet another credit card.  I could and did double my income in one year and continued to work at the same company! But during Medic school which was a year of classes, rotations, etc..I worked 3 per diem jobs, meaning picking up shifts when people banged out for one reason or another.  I could usually get about 3 shifts per week sometimes a double...and had class 3 days  each week,  and the other 2 days  time to do rotations, we had to do hours of rotations,...Like 3 hrs in Pediactric ICU, 4 hrs in OB, 40 hrs in ER, the list went on and on, 11 hours in Geriatrics, And  hrs I think it was 120 hrs on an ALS Ambulance riding along with other medics,  That was the year from hell for me, and some were so burnt out when they graduated they no longer even wanted to be a medic, one guy left and went to dog grooming school! 

Another left and got a job in a Pizza shop, and one became a Doorman in a fancy building on the West side.  I went into ALS transport and went from $11 an hr to $22 an hr and by the time I left EMS, I was making $28 an hr.  I grabbed up a lot of money in order to pay off my debt and save enough to move back to SC to be with my family help my mom and have a bedroom added to her house for me to live in.  AND bought that Blazer I was talking about paid cash...and eventually a divorce settlement where I bought  my X out of his share of our home when he decided he didn't want to live here anymore. And now Im back to broke again...but not much debt to speak of. 

I used to be a real go getter, now I'm just happy to have my simple life to work with. 

The SUN came out so...

E MOVE ON....

I knew I was sinking into a bad place all week and I think it just came to a head yesterday and that release of grief and fear helped me.  I am not one of those people who can keep pain inside.  So I did a lot of self healing yesterday and I have some residual but I feel better.  

There are things going on with my son that I don't share out of respect for his privacy I don't go into details about my family's life what they do and they don't do...but since he moved here I have been dragged thru the wringer with him and alot of the time my lows also involve something he did or didn't do is more to the point! Just so you know it's not just me going bonkers, I am exposed to many triggers  that push my buttons. 
The rash is getting better, I did not take Benadryl last evening, and so far none today so that's improvement. 

I don't do well when there's too much sadness happening at once...who does? Many people are not affected by it, I wouldn't be either if I could just get away sometimes, but right now  that's not gonna happen. I am between a rock and a hard place...BUT end of the month Im going to be going away for 4 days and 3 nights...so I hope that ends up being a good thing.  

I walked this morning, then did some work with my plants getting them ready to be brought inside for winter....and some regular stuff filled up the bird feeders, bird bath, and other random chores.  I got my ice cooler working again with the replacement 12 volt  wire and it's now ready to chill my food on the trip I will have an electric site for a change so that means I bring a different set of accessories with me.  This cooler runs on either  AC/DC.  The 12 volt part of it was not making good contact now with the new 12 volt plug its great. And I have a one cup electric coffee pot, and I will bring a small fan if it's hot and a small space heater if it's cold!  Normally I am in a non electric site but my sis did this reservation so it was not my choice...but this whole campground is electric.  Just not full hook ups, they have a dump station on the way out for those with a large rig like my sister's. 

I am currently looking to order a 12 volt electric blanket for my camp kit also.  Just to heat up the bed, and then most have a timer on them you can set it for 20 mins or whatever...

One of my favorite youtubers, Tideline to Alpine, had a live steam last evening, that was fun because she has never done one before and I like the way she didn't spend anytime sitting there saying "hello to each and every name that was there, can you see me, can you hear me,  etc." she just starting talking and she ignored the whole side chat thing but did take some questions in the second half hour...so that was cool..I want to be her when I grow up...she is half my age and has learned so many of the lessons I didn't learn till I was 50 yrs old...and I think it was a brain injury she had at 16 that helped her get such insight...Me I got a crushed foot so should of been my head, eh? She has been living off grid for 8 years! Now she is in a van, but she doesn't burn up the road either.  She lives in BC, and she has family who live in BC too so sometimes she is just driveway surfing so she also has family help from time to time. 

AND she is a complete "cruelty free channel"...YIPPIE Which I realize now is why I am at odds with some of the youtubers I watch...NOW Im not going to go so far as to say I will only support vegans, which she is by the way, but at least no fish killing or animal killing as part of their content!! She is not the only Vegan I watch I know  at least 3 of them are, and at least one Vegetarian,  and some of the men I watch are not huge into meat eating either.  I would love to find more  Vegan men to follow, and more people of color.  I follow one Vegetarian man, I follow one lady who is vegetarian, black and lesbian.  She is not one of my favorites tho I do enjoy some of her content she gets stuck in the whole "gear head" thing and forgets to just do life. 

See one thing this young lady said is this...

"I don't want to work for someone or some company who uses me to make money and then use that money to do things in the world that I don't support or live a life style I don't support." SEE that is what I'm talking about, it's not like you're being a jerk, you're standing in the shoes you want to stand in.  But You tube is part of Google and we all know Google has a lot of clout! BUT Google does some good they are about fighting climate change, and the CEO a little bg here is an Indian born now American. Sundar Pichai, (born in 1972)  (shorten version of his full name) He came up thru the tech geek side with a scholarship to Stanford, where he got a masters in Engineering, eventually ended up at Google in 2004 and  was working on Chrome interfaces with Firefox, and Microsoft, and then Android Smartphone OS,  he was raised as normal kid with parents who wanted a better life for their children he worked his way up thru the rank and file from head of Product Management and Development to the CEO.

So now I feel better about the 2 channels  that I ditched and  unsubscribed to who decided they want to kill animals as part of their content, in the way of hunting.  That was not part of their original content.  I did suspect one but the girl who decided to begin hunting really shocked me, cause I had no clue.  I don't want my likes, clicks, or subscription to be funding that kind of behavior.  I watch some catch and release fishing even that gets under my skin and I fast forward or just dont watch that episode if they are going to be fishing. Even catch n release to me is not good.  I DONT even support the banding or tagging of animals for research, that is not why we are here. 
The channels I watch are Decent van lifers, hikers, backpackers, adventure travel,  tiny house living, homesteaders and gardeners and DIY mechanics.  

WE know how to be good stewards of the land and wildlife, we chose not to is all...period. Like the broken pipeline, it should not be there in the first place. Now the powers that be are looking for WHY this line ruptured they want to blame a German ship that may have dragged an anchor over it, well if it wasnt there in the first place...duh so I blame 2 bodies,  first off the US & State Government for allowing off shore drilling and second the company that put it there in the first place.  And why did the coast guard have to be the one to go down and inspect the pipe?? Don't these companies who are doing the drilling have specialized teams of their own to deal with this?? Answer NO they don't It's like handling rattle snakes and yet not having any antivenom on site. DUH. 

I feel like such a hypocrite when I talk about the oil n gas industry...

I wish I was in a place to afford a second vehicle.  I want a smart car or an all electric car.  I don't do a lot of driving but my van is old and  it uses a lot of fuel.  I bought the van to travel in and that does save a lot I don't have to stay in motels when I travel, which means LESS electric is used from the grid, just keeping one room in use has to pull a big load from the grid, clean sheets daily, daily vacuuming, the AC or heat running daily, etc.  I don't pull a trailer which uses more gas, So that is how I justify using the van.  

In the beginning I had a 2 door  Blazer also...and I would drive it back n forth and use the van for trips.   The Blazer easily got 20-25 mpg highway use....but I ended up giving my son  the Blazer, long story, and he drove it into the ground and last year had to scrap it when the head gasket blew after he ignored a radiator leak!!

I Just checked Carvana you can get a used Smart Car for about $10- $12,000.  THATS a lot of money! But you could probably save that in fuel costs in just a couple years....they get like 800 miles to the tank.  Which is about 10 gallons. Hopefully in a couple more years there will be lots of used electric cars on the market. It would be so cool to have a little smart car delivered to my backyard or go to the car vending machine and have a little smart car roll out like a can of soda.  I could buy one with my credit card!! It's honestly something I have considered!!

Anyways my mind unlocked and now Im back to my normal hard to get along with and quirky self. 

The Sun

ENT BLACK..and I can't get it back...

I feel so low today like all the way down low.  The rash is still here and now my throat is on fire.  I guess Im sick? My sickness seems to be coming from my soul...the Navajo call it soul sickness and I think I have it.  If only a crystal shaker could cure me, if only a Sing could be done for me to make it go away...if only the Rattle of Bones worked.  We have to have faith to believe in such things.  I have none. 

Oct 4th my mom's birthday, Oct 5th our dearly departed friend Nettie's birthday, and my husband's death date Oct 6...3 solid days of miserable loss remembered. 

I think this week marred by memory of so much  loss finally took its toll as I slept in my Benadryl induced coma last night...I woke up just as the sun turned the entire air around me the palest shade of red sooo slight it barely measured on the spectrum.  In that moment I dreaded taking my next breath...I wanted to hold my breath and just let that slight shade of red be the last thing my eyes would ever behold...but then my chest rose and I so I cried. Not because I was glad that moment passed but because I knew I had to take yet another and another and with each one more pain would come my way...and days passing may bring more loss.

If the losses already endured put me here where will the next one put me?  I dont' have fear of dying I have fear of living.  More pain more loss, more life vanishing before my eyes, unable to stop the swift demise of those I hold dear and my very reason for existing in the first place. Where is this God we all need who never shows  up?

OH to never look back but now I feel I am walking with my back towards the Sun as I only see the past and cant imagine the future the one where half of what I lived for no longer exists.  

My sister said she felt weary, I yearn to reach the day where I feel nothing at all.  

I know if anyone is reading this they are now shaking their head and saying "she finally has gone  insane", are we all not just a little insane?  We must be how else could we just keep breathing when we really don't have a reason to?

I need a reason to wake up tomorrow....and as it stands now if I left the surly bonds of Earth today 3 would stand round my grave.
Please don't let me one of those 3 left to stand. 

Guess

HO has a weird rash??

I do. I have no clue what it is...I think I have some weird virus that I am not even aware of having...I did have a tick attach to me back in the spring.  It was very small I didn't even know it was there but the spot itched and I though it was a small skin tag, NO it was a tick.  I spend a lot of time hiking and in the out of doors and I have 2 dogs living in my house.  They both get flea/tick treatment so if one gets on them it doesn't stay around...so I feel it came from brushing against some bush or whatever and it got directly on me. IT was sooo small I couldn't even see it!

I figure it began to itch right away It was attached...so I pulled it off and treated the area.  It continued to itch and got red for several days...There is a virus called Bourbon Virus.  It comes from ticks and was first found in Bourbon Kansas, now it's in the midwest and the southeast....from a tick!! It causes fatigue, fever, chills, and a rash! There is no cure! Im just trying to figure out why Im suddenly covered in a rash...one that itches. I am not allergic to anything except cat hair a little bit.  It makes me feel stuffy when I had my upholstery shop if I worked on a piece and a cat had been on it, I would sneeze and cough and my eyes would itch.  

My next best guess is the laundry detergent I bought.  I never have used those pods before, my clothes felt scratchy so it could be that...So Im taking Benadryl to help with the itch.  The spots are like small and in clusters, and I feel the nerve ending are just under the skin tingling...sooooo 

Whatever it is, it's no fun.  Have you ever gotten fiberglass on your skin, say from that old fashioned Christmas stuff called Angel Hair, or the attic insulation that has fiber glass in it, that is how my skin feels.  

Anyways very weird...I hope its gone soon.  It seems worse at night.  My sister said rewash all your clothes in vinegar in the washer so I plan to do that... Im trying to stay busy and keep my mind off it...
I have been feeling a  off all week to be honest.  Like I want to cut my own throat weird like I've had it with life weird.  Like I want to jump off a cliff weird.  Sometimes I feel like this is Mars and Im from Jupiter.  Like I really don't get it.  I don't believe that Earth is our home planet and sometimes it seems so absurd that we are here.

How could such a reckless entity come to such a gorgeous place and completely wreck it...Im speaking of the oil spill off California coast.  OMG...what a horrible thing.  

Today was a

EIRD DAY...
It was my mom's birthday she would have been 97....I visited her Burial vault today and left her a nice little birthday decoration...
So it was a sad day for me, still missing her so very much..

If you recall I had told you about this youtube creator I did enjoy watching but after  5 months of watching her I had to unsubscribe, I think I mentioned that she said she was going to go on a deer hunt? And today she announced it was going to be with Crossbow, so I didn't even wish her well I just said what a fake you turned out to be...honestly sometimes you must be blunt to get your point across, because in the beginning she tried to come off as a total animal lover, be kind to wildlife etc...then she met this what I call a redneck guy...and suddenly she is fishing, and now hunting, seems to me she is trying to impress a man and not being true to who she really is OR she was a fake all along?  I was very disappointed and felt like I had been taken advantage of, and by the looks of all the thumbs down I wasn't the only one.  So I assume all her professed love of animals was just all a lie?  There is no kind way to Kill an Animal!!!!!!!!!
I have to wonder how is that going to help her channel?  She just excluded a whole lot of her audience. 
I am a firm believer in standing up for what I believe in and I don't support the opposing sides.  Some issues have no middle ground.  

Anyways after the cemetery I had to do a quick shop trip and then back home.  

Another youtube creator I follow travels with a cat..and unfortunately her cat has started to have seizures.  Medicine the vet gave her actually did not work as she video'd the cat and Im not sure she was aware but what she thought was side effects to the medicine to me looked like a focal seizure...she is going to be going back to the vet...my Casey went through 2 horrible weeks of seizure and since he was 15, I did not want him to suffer...they showed up daily, so that was another thing that made me sad today..

My sis sent me some wonderful pic of her day yesterday they went to see the leaf color up on the Mesa...they hit it spot on for great color...That was a good thing that happened for sure.  
We had thunder but no rain, we could use some rain.  Something turned over my birdbath last night maybe a deer? 

With some of my birthday$$$ I finally ordered some Darn Tough  hiking Socks can't wait to try them...it says NO seams that is what I hate SEAMS on my toes.  They were $23 and I got free shipping cause I also ordered a new 12 volt socket thing for my Coleman camp cooler which runs on 12 volt DC  or 110 AC The 12 volt plug has always been a pain it won't stay plugged, I tried to fix it and destroyed it...so Hopefully I can make Make some sort of clamp to keep the 2 together...They make a thing but it's $16 and I think I can make something better than the duct tape I used before It seemed to be getting too hot and I thought it may be a fire hazzard.  

When I had to give up trying to get my van straight due to back pain I came in and relaxed and I took a nap on the couch then woke up and watched a couple of Zombie movies, including "Night of the Living Dead." They are coming to get you Barbara.  

That is how I felt today like I don't belong anywhere and they are coming to get me.

Pain is

REAKING HAVOC on my back...

I tired to get my van straightened up a bit first attempt since I will be camping in about a month and It had been so long since I camped I have to remember what I need and what I dont and I want to give the van a good clean up and inspect everything so I will be comfortable on my trip.  I will probably be taking the dogs, I wish I didn't have to but my Son has been interviewing for jobs and one he hopes to get is letting him know tomorrow...if he is working I will not ask him to dog sit as I don't want them to be fed at weird times of the day etc.

So I didn't do any thing strenuous but my back just totally stopped me about 1 pm.  The pain is sharp and pressing and it feels like bone on bone Both Sides, of the SI joint area...I took 2 Ibuprofen and still no relief.  Normally I can work  it off but not this time.  I showered ate early and now Im just taking turns between sitting up and laying down on the couch.  I keep trying to make it pop...by doing a self adjustment, check it out...




So far no good....ouch.

Annie wondering...

HAT'S GOING on here...

Floss has so much trouble with the two back steps lately I've been  helping her using an old green towel under her belly to lift her in and out...Annie waited while I hoisted  Floss then she stopped at the door and looked at the green towel as if to say, MY TURN...lol

They have always had equal treatment, if one gets a treat they both get one, if one gets groomed they both get groomed, but doing a free lift is just not gonna happen!! When one has to get a "pill" for something I normally give the other one a pinch of bread, they are so competitive that if I cut one's nails the other one comes and lays down to get hers done too....lol MOST dogs run from toe nail trimmers.... so it's all for one...and one for all, but not this time. 

They are sisters from the same litter, and they have rarely ever been apart. 

I just thought it was funny the way she stopped and looked at the towel like, "oh this is new, but I'm all in"...dogs are so smart. 

Today I went out to do some short hikes and enjoyed that very much...last evening my sis and I had a chat we decided not to skype, just phone chat for her birthday...it was perfect.  I was tired and that suited me just fine.  

Today I made a potato for dinner, I nuked it skin on till it was soft then cut in half and pan seared it with Paprika and Garlic powder, yum yum that was delicious and fast.  

NEW...

EEK, NEW MONTH

Im going to have another Skype chat tonight at 6 pm...today is my Younger sis's birthday. Its a milestone for her too 65!  That is one reason I wanted to do my Skype on Wednesday, Because the family spotlight should be on her today not me.

So I am at home doing chores, Im clearing things out of my shed that I don't want and Im putting those things in Mom's old shed so my son can sell them if he wants and what he doesn't sell I will get rid of at some point.  MY shed is a real mess...but it doesn't have to be nice it just needs to not have things in it I have no need for...so Im going thru and clearing out some stuff.  Im making one bucket of scrap metal, and one of scrap wire, this will go to the metal recycling center.  I ended up with one trash can full of trash and I moved a storage bin of stuff to the other shed, well not all some is yet to go over I got tired and hot and called it a day about 1 pm. Stuff like an entire spool of barbed wire...I will not be putting up more fencing.  A 2 burner Coleman stove that burns on Coleman stove fuel, the kind you pump up, I have the butane stove and it's great I do not like that pump up kind that's more for people who will set up for a week or whatever. 

I also have a Coleman Lantern that works on the small propane canister...an industrial hole punch for paper, the odd thing here and there a shower head, a fish tank warmer, just random things. 

Unfortunately  I hurt my back...it is really giving me what-for...I have back issues from old injuries, and when I have to stand still in one spot it really begins to stiffen up and that can throw my SI joint out of whack and I think that happened in the vet's office Tuesday.  They put me in a room to wait for the vet with my dog../we waited and we waited and we waited..NO chair in the room, my dog laid down and went to sleep.  Finally I stuck my head out into the office and wait room area to inquire how much longer, I really needed to either move around or sit down.  The room was about 5 ft by 5 ft with a big exam table in the center...So I was not able to move around I had leaned on the wall, then I bent over the table with my head on my elbows, and the AC was blowing cold on me. 

So I know what happned they were trying to determine if a bulldog was pregnant or not.  They did a urine/pregnancy test and it was not conclusive so they let that guy go I was next after a cat named Butterscotch...but the fellow with the bull dog was pulled BACK in after he had already been let go and paid his bill...then they put him in the room next to me and they talked him into doing an ultrasound...I could hear all this with the paper thin walls...

Next day my back was out of sorts and it had begun to ache in the little room.  I didn't mind waiting but they should have let me go back into the wait room to sit down not keep me standing in one spot for 45 minutes...IM no spring chicken.  As long as I keep moving or sit I do just fine...

I picked banana peppers today I have more chili peppers coming on and at least 2 more Bell pepper and more Jalapeno also...I think I could become a pepper farmer here and do a brisk business...I have 6 Banana Pepper plants got dozens and dozens of peppers...today alone I picked 17...I froze most and kept about 6 raw.  I do plan to overwinter, when the lows' dip to 55 I need to bring them inside the laundry room.  

Last night a fox paid us a visit.  She was in the field just about dusk eating ripe persimmon off the ground.  I heard a fox yelping the night before, or cackling whatever you call that ruckus they make. Sure is pretty a gray fox.  She had red, white, grizzly grey and black on her coat. Very fat and slick...really pretty face. 

So it's October...wow