NO...

AIT A MINUTE??

Last night the rash came back full force I had to get up in the middle of the night and take Benadryl to stop the itching which was driving me bat crazy...especially my legs!  Then when I drifted back to sleep I had a weird dream! Like a small lake, then it became an ocean RIGHT in my front yard...but wait a minute, suddenly I was living in a high rise and I need the elevator to take me to the 4th floor so I could warn my husband and son of the rising ocean outside, but LO and Behold there was no #4 button in this elevator....That's all I really remember I did go back n forth to many floors searching for the 4th...and I would look out at the rising water wondering why other people didn't seem to see it.  

Okay my mind has been under a lot of stress I challenge anyone to decipher that dream.  Anyways it left me feeling a little bit discombobulated this morning.  But the sun is out and it was not too hot I took a walk then watered my potted plants cooked a nice early Linner, and ate the whole thing.   This was good, cleaned up all the left overs in the fridge which was not that many I have not really shopped will be 3 weeks tomorrow.  Ive become such a hermit I just don't want to do it.  BUT Monday mornings is normally pretty slow about 10 am in town so I guess I will have to give it a shot!  I need to make a list otherwise I won't get what I need.  My mind sometimes goes blank once Im faced with the aisles of stuff...but more and more it's bare shelves of where stuff should be.

When I lived in NYC I did not shop...until I moved to Brooklyn, then I started to go and get enough for the 4 days I was off work the other 3 out in the city all day I just ate from street vendors, or deli shops, Mexican or Chinese shops, and on weekends sometimes I went for a sit down meal there was this Cuban place I really loved but it closed down and after that I stopped going out on my days off preferring to eat at home and take naps and beach walks and binge watch the CSI tapes sent by my sis.  

When I first moved to Brooklyn I was POOR half my income went to rent...I could not afford to buy food to be honest...MY partner in work was in the same boat and we would buy a bag of roasted pnuts in the shell and SHARE it....and I had DEBT lots of DEBT to pay off...my motivation for moving up to Paramedic was strictly an income strategy.  She and I both went to Medic school together.  We had to pay $6,000 for that....I cashed out the last of my Retirement fund and then put the rest on yet another credit card.  I could and did double my income in one year and continued to work at the same company! But during Medic school which was a year of classes, rotations, etc..I worked 3 per diem jobs, meaning picking up shifts when people banged out for one reason or another.  I could usually get about 3 shifts per week sometimes a double...and had class 3 days  each week,  and the other 2 days  time to do rotations, we had to do hours of rotations,...Like 3 hrs in Pediactric ICU, 4 hrs in OB, 40 hrs in ER, the list went on and on, 11 hours in Geriatrics, And  hrs I think it was 120 hrs on an ALS Ambulance riding along with other medics,  That was the year from hell for me, and some were so burnt out when they graduated they no longer even wanted to be a medic, one guy left and went to dog grooming school! 

Another left and got a job in a Pizza shop, and one became a Doorman in a fancy building on the West side.  I went into ALS transport and went from $11 an hr to $22 an hr and by the time I left EMS, I was making $28 an hr.  I grabbed up a lot of money in order to pay off my debt and save enough to move back to SC to be with my family help my mom and have a bedroom added to her house for me to live in.  AND bought that Blazer I was talking about paid cash...and eventually a divorce settlement where I bought  my X out of his share of our home when he decided he didn't want to live here anymore. And now Im back to broke again...but not much debt to speak of. 

I used to be a real go getter, now I'm just happy to have my simple life to work with. 

Guess

HO has a weird rash??

I do. I have no clue what it is...I think I have some weird virus that I am not even aware of having...I did have a tick attach to me back in the spring.  It was very small I didn't even know it was there but the spot itched and I though it was a small skin tag, NO it was a tick.  I spend a lot of time hiking and in the out of doors and I have 2 dogs living in my house.  They both get flea/tick treatment so if one gets on them it doesn't stay around...so I feel it came from brushing against some bush or whatever and it got directly on me. IT was sooo small I couldn't even see it!

I figure it began to itch right away It was attached...so I pulled it off and treated the area.  It continued to itch and got red for several days...There is a virus called Bourbon Virus.  It comes from ticks and was first found in Bourbon Kansas, now it's in the midwest and the southeast....from a tick!! It causes fatigue, fever, chills, and a rash! There is no cure! Im just trying to figure out why Im suddenly covered in a rash...one that itches. I am not allergic to anything except cat hair a little bit.  It makes me feel stuffy when I had my upholstery shop if I worked on a piece and a cat had been on it, I would sneeze and cough and my eyes would itch.  

My next best guess is the laundry detergent I bought.  I never have used those pods before, my clothes felt scratchy so it could be that...So Im taking Benadryl to help with the itch.  The spots are like small and in clusters, and I feel the nerve ending are just under the skin tingling...sooooo 

Whatever it is, it's no fun.  Have you ever gotten fiberglass on your skin, say from that old fashioned Christmas stuff called Angel Hair, or the attic insulation that has fiber glass in it, that is how my skin feels.  

Anyways very weird...I hope its gone soon.  It seems worse at night.  My sister said rewash all your clothes in vinegar in the washer so I plan to do that... Im trying to stay busy and keep my mind off it...
I have been feeling a  off all week to be honest.  Like I want to cut my own throat weird like I've had it with life weird.  Like I want to jump off a cliff weird.  Sometimes I feel like this is Mars and Im from Jupiter.  Like I really don't get it.  I don't believe that Earth is our home planet and sometimes it seems so absurd that we are here.

How could such a reckless entity come to such a gorgeous place and completely wreck it...Im speaking of the oil spill off California coast.  OMG...what a horrible thing.