Take it or leave it...

OKE AT 5:30 so Got  Up!

No use fighting it, now I understand why Mom used to get up before dawn and I was always afraid she would fall or something...but she was so quiet I didn't always know she was up unless the faint light of the dining room made it's way into my room...she would always sit there and read her Bible, then she would do a couple of word search puzzles and before she got too feeble to do it she would shake out the dry food into the girls bowls and that would generally wake me up...as it sounds like someone  pouring rocks on tin. 

When the dementia really set in she would try to fed them twice..So I had to ask her to not do any more dog feeding.   But she never really did stop.. .I miss those times.   Tonight at 6 pm I will be, I hope, live streaming the memorial service put on by the county Hospice center.  I just could not go in person...I know I would not be able to hold it together my grief is still so raw and close...hardly a day passes without me being in tears at least once per day and sometimes more...I am allowing my grief to show and come out...but mostly in private.   My Mom was only a Hospice Patient for 3 hrs...she passed right after we changed her admission to Hospice Care.  

So right away the medical office wants to take "control" of my life..I do not want this so I may just call and tell them no don't think so...this is exactly what I want to avoid..

So I got my script, got what I wanted..my BP was high so right away they start with the "concerns" HEY when I go to any DR"s office my BP is high because I don't like it..and I have PTSD from my years of working as a Medic just being in that environment brings back the stress..and I have been very worried about my son.  I can't go into detail because he wants his privacy kept..but I AM totally worried about his mental health. 
So if they hadn't made me sit in the waiting room for one hr I probably would have been fine..so I told her for me that is normal...I am an easily stressed person and it affects my entire body.  This is one reason I gave up the field of EMS, the stress was getting to me.  

SO I may call and tell them no thank you, they made 3 additional appointments for me within the span of 4 weeks...I have not been to a Dr 3 times this year so now suddenly I have to go 3 times in one month??? No they can't force me to go and fine by me if they dismiss me as a patient it wont be the first time!  It will be more like the 5th time'

I may go to my Mom's old Dr he is not pushy he does not insist on anything...I did tell her I would track my BP to make sure it's ok and it is, by the time I got home it was within my  normal range. OR close to it..I already told her I will not take any medicine for stress induced temporary BP spikes.I can easily take a nitro tab and have my BP in the low 100's when I go in for the recheck!! 

I should have thought of that because I knew it would happen it always does..

I got  the headliner fabric for the van project hope it's enough..I got all they had 4 yds...I nearly died to see all that Christmas stuff in Hobby Lobby., and in Walmart.  OMG there was more shelf space for Glittery balls than for bread and canned goods! We sure can't eat that crap. I think my BP went back up when I saw that. In Hobby Lobby they had all these big metal letters, the entire alphabet..they were at least 10 inches tall...and 8 inches wide, I stood there and mentally lined them up to spell Fuck Trump.  But then i figured they had video cameras..lol. 

Then more waiting on the script to get filled.  And everyone talking through a mask..life is hard...then add a Authoritarian Dictator trying to implement a coop by refusing to step down and that will add more stress to your life...I told the NP that no wonder with Trump being the jerk he is I Have NO idea how she voted,,,but her BP was not the one in Question...I know that otherwise healthy people dont have a stroke when their BP is 162/90

NOW if it was 220/100 yes...By the time I got home 143/82 and still going down...

Finding  Your Roots in on TV later tonight I enjoy that show and my sis and I watch and then we discuss the next time we talk...it's so fascinating what is in the past...We knew we had ancestors arrive on Ship Anne in 1624...we know we had Rev War vets, and Frontiersmen ancestors, CSA ancestors, as well as all the Modern era wars, and sis found our war of 1812 vets now...So when these people who have a family member in the military throw up in my face that they support the USA cause they have a family member in the Service I want to say I have 500 years of service in my blood...that's why Im so damned angry with the state of our Union.  It makes me want to punch someone in the virtual snoot. In fact you know those little icons on FB the smiley face, the heart, the angry face, I want a Punch In the NOSE pose..the swinging fist..LOL
POW** take that...

Not that Im special but people are so sure no one else  is as deserving or  entitled than they are...hell there's descendants of Slaves who have more Military Service in their background than some of these "proud Army Mom's" 

Seriously...it's not a vacuum. IN fact my family was already here 60 yrs living in Plymouth and the surrounding area some already dead and buried in local cemeteries when Ben  Franklin's Ancestors immigrated, in 1689 and he was not born till 1705.  My son is actually a first generation American on his Paternal side and a 9th Generation American on My side...

My husband was from Britain.  I have done little in the way of tracing my husbands line, Ancestry makes you pay extra for European access..I know back to his grand parents...and that's it. 

Its always fun to look back in history and make note...Trump is 2nd generation American his family did not fight in any US wars, his grand father fled Germany to get out of the German Army.  So I can't see how he claims to be a Patriot..he is NOT.. MAGA hats he controls who yell Patriots probably are  just like him ...hatred they have that in common and none of his kids or him enlisted..so you tell me? Her called NY City HIS City...the people of NYC despise him. They really do.  Im sure they will be sorry to see him return.  HILLARY was his Senator when I lived there I voted for her.  

So no wonder he was thrilled to win over her...he was SO jealous of her and Bill when they arrived in NY he called them all sort of names, Arkansas Trash, country bumpkins, he really hated them.  So he had a vendetta, now he has one with the entire Democratic Party and all it's members of which I am one.  

My father was a staunch Republican, a very different party back then....his father, my Grand Father was a Sheriff of Bledsoe County back in late 1930's..He was murdered shot to death.  My dad and his brothers had a vendetta for years..it ate at them like  poison. 

Biden 's Ancestors immigrated from Ireland in 1850.  Biden has no War heroes in his American Soil background either...he had Asthma as a teen and never enlisted..was given 1-A for that condition.  But his son served, and so he has that Patriotic branch off the stem. Anyways it matters but was thinking of the many flags my Ancestors carried into battle, and it gives me pause to say I love this Country and that is why it matters to me. 

So it's Tuesday over with pretty much and Im done for the day the rest is just feed the dogs and have dinner then watch the memorial online, a little tv then early to bed!!