Years they pass so quickly...

HERE DID IT GO?

Im referring to time... 

Sometimes I feel as if Im a lone survivor of  a terrible disaster that was my family life.  I know I  ran away from family responsibilities at one time, and I needed that I may not even be the lone survivor otherwise.  I felt the door opened and I ran out of it...my son was going into this 3rd year o f college, my mom was retired in fairly good health and content, my sisters were doing okay my husband so wrapped up in his own world of working part time at his business and then golfing every afternoon...so I felt they didn't need me at that point in life.  

I just redid the post on my other blog of when we moved this old house I live in way back in 1977 from town where it was built in the '50's to this land.  All the photos were missing from the post, so I dug them out scanned them in and made it whole again.  IF only we could do that with our past with the lives of people, rescan them and make it alright again. 

While I went thru those photos I relived the memories...and then the 44 years of life and death and loss that followed that move. When I die those memories will no longer exist, they will become ash blown off in a hard wind....and the life those memories represent will be lost forever. 

To say it left me hurting is like saying the sun is bright...damn it hurt to recall all the life we all had here; the happiness, the hard times, the good times, the bad, the hanging on, the trying  again.  The past and the lives in it flashed before me, and before you know it my own will do the same.  LIFE is so damn SHORT...Maybe I have survivors guilt...add that to long list of malady I am currently experiencing.   I think of bones, walls, and distance and suddenly my world is a small island one in danger of sinking and being washed away by the next storm.

Here I am again will you take me as I am?

Time well spent?

EDNESDAY already, 

I told my son just the other day, "I wish I could convey to you just how short our life time is."

There is no way to tell someone that they have to be able to compare it,,,but when I told him  his father was 2 yrs younger than he is when we met,,,His eyes opened up pretty dang wide. 

His father  has been  gone 28 months already.  Time just is not on our side, yet we spend so much of it doing what?  Living in fear, being in a bad relationship, addicted, lonely, poor, wearing an ego, with a fake personality, in the wrong job, the wrong town, the wrong time zone.  Some  in the wrong body, with the wrong sex with the wrong sex partner.  

Makes one wonder...by the time we discover who and what we are it's too damn late.  I guess it's that learning process that is our life.  Just when we get it all figured, have that one or two light bulb moments and then out out swift candle. 

Anyways, what would I have been?  I can't say to be honest.  I did find something that I was very good at and made a decent living doing it for nearly 30 yrs so there is that.  Somethings   I'd rather have spent more years being single on the front end of my life.  By the time I realized marriage was so confining I was committed.  

So today I went birding early it's cold so I bundled up almost like the kid in A Christmas Story.  Thank goodness I didn't fall down probably couldnt have gotten up...lol. 

Im home now but it's cold in here.  Ive gotten lazy and have not cut any wood for a while, so I pay by having cold feet.   

Lots of sparrow at the place where I went today, its a Wildlife Management Area, mostly kept  for hunters I think Im the only one who birds there...It's close by but it's hard getting around in there cause they plow the darn paths which means very uneven ground..so I was pretty worn out after 2 hrs of that.  

America's playing on the cd player.  So funny they all met and formed a band while in England with their American Army families. So that's why they called themselves America.  I loved them from day one. I did see them on stage, In 2000, I saw other big ticket bands, like the Eagles, John Denver, Tom Jones, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and a few more. 

Here's a photo of me meeting John Denver backstage in Lincoln Neb, in 1982. I can't recall what I was asking him. I think I would have enjoyed being a groupie running around in a VW van with flowers in my hair,   

Also met him backstage in Philadelphia in 1990's and mom was with me so she met him also we didn't get any photos of that one.  I met him about 5 times in all,  My sister worked at his Windstar foundation as a cook for 2 yrs...

T. G. I. ---S!!

hen you turn that clock up an hour tonight what do you think about....I get kinda irritated to think I have to change my schedule lose an hour of my Saturday.....and watch my timing in the mornings when getting ready for work..The ONLY good thing about it is, I wont be so hungry when I get off work!! My body will still be on the "old" schedule...for a while. I will probably feel sleepy and grumpy in the mornings, but trying to look on the "bright" side, more birds will be out when I get up..they love to get at the feeders early.  I may actually  catch a glimpse of a bald eagle flying over the pond that I pass everyday on my drive in, the early Eagle gets the fish right?

Time is something that I wish I could capture and control...imagine that? "If I could put time in a bottle" I think I would make every day Saturday! HA.

I have a dream for my 'golden' yrs...and that makes me think of the other years the ones behind me...and how cool it would have been to have had a plan, a plot to follow to bring my dreams into fruition, I DID but at the time I didnt know that it actually works!!  IF ONLY I knew then what I know now...eh? Wouldnt we all love that. I did have a dream, and worked toward it, but I didnt keep my dream in the foreground....little by little I allowed my dreams (life plan) to become second in my life and bit by bit it disappeared as family life steamrolled right over me... not only did I lose touch with my dream I lost touch with who I was, lost feeling for the man I loved, and lost my zeal to keep trying.

I dont blame anyone for the demise of my dreams...but I sure will blame ME if I dont realize the "rest of them". That old saying if I knew then what I know now really comes into play at this point....well I have to take what I know NOW and put it to use.  By thinking I had to be all things to all people I made a right mess of things! I know that unfaltering focus is the only way to get to the place one needs to be in life to bring a dream into reality. IM not talking greed or an uncaring heart---but a focus on what you want..first help yourself then you can help others.  I didnt, but sure wish I had.

My dream in a nut shell was to have a horse ranch.  WE got close...(I married a man who shared the same love of horses as mine) we bought a small place in the country (10 acres)....we worked hard to built it up little by little and at one point we had 4 horses on our little ranch we called Springbrow--

On Saturday mornings we got up early, just after dawn, fed, groomed, and saddled up the horses....after a cup of coffee we set off for at least a two hour trail ride...it was fun, and the climax of our dream. The early morning rise was so great.  The sun brightened everything, the birds sang loudly and the scents of  a new day was always strong and Earthy as we headed down the driveway and onto the dirt road...then eventually the trails through the woods and fields.

After the ride with the horses taken care of we would cook a hearty breakfast together and eat outside on the spacious screen porch I had built with my own two hands.... later we'd relax the rest of the day, or spend time doing chores around our little ranch, talking about our dreams for the future...

Then a step child moved in with us from his previous marriage, along came a child of our own, school, more responsibility, work, bills, we drifted apart, and the hurricane of family life dragged me along and I lost the focus of my dream...we lost the focus of OUR dream....as I/we lost focus the dream began to fade...one by one the horses disappeared until the last one passed away in 1996.  Then the fences grew old, rusted, and sagged, the roof of the barn rotted and fell in, the children left home and we had grown old and fell silent...nothing remained of our original dream we had nothing in common, and we separated after 26 yrs of marriage,  and now we are finally divorcing and selling the place....our beloved little ranch, he wants the money, I want the land, but have no money to buy him out and dont wish to sacrifice my future to save a piece of the past....soooooo...
that dream was realized, burned brightly for a while, and then it went dark---my new dream is to retire at least 2 yrs early and travel.  I have purchased a van (its kinda old but Im hopefull) and God willing, I hope to travel slowwwwly and discover America up close and personal....I must focus  to make every day "Saturday"!!

Take Time to Make Time

e had our first frost of the new season-last night, this means its officially Fall for sure!! It also means our planet the Earth has moved farther our on her orbit away from our Star the Sun...

It's 35 chilly degrees and it will go up to 57 today..The sky is blue, the air is breezy and its Sunday morning 8:30 which is really 9:30!!
I am not a big fan of the Day Light Savings time.  Anyone who reads my Writtn's in this blog know how fascinated I am with the concept of time and how and what it is.  TIME is space, and we occupy space so can we really manipulate time?  YES we can when we combine it with SPEED!!  Im only a fan of combining speed and time if Im trying to move TIME forward or back.  Moving the hands of a clock does not MOVE TIME--

When I was traveling this spring I got so confused as to what time it was I just stayed on Eastern Time! When I was in AZ they dont follow the DST and yet on the Navajo Reservation land that is in AZ they DO--so I was in and out of changing time zones--very confusing to my aging brain!!

When My Mom and I traveled back in 1998 together for 34 days around the country we finally gave up and just didnt bother to look at the time, we knew the sun was either up or down.  Sitting high above or closer to the ground, the Sun told us what time it was.  That is also the way it was when I was backpacking the Appalachian trail. Once you get in a rhythm with Mother Nature you start to realize keeping time by the hour is not really necessary! What's the point? We got up when the birds sang in the trees overhead and we went to bed when it got too dark to see--didnt take long for our cicadian clocks to get reset to the correct time!!

Only men wearing ties and women wearing business casual need this kind of time divisions and this down to the second measurement of time, why must the rest of us be dragged along in the stream of their faster than life passage of time?

These days we live with such a false sense of security-thinking we can control time, only the Universe can do that. We can control the speed at which we move through time that is all.  We move at speeds way beyond our own means, in a car we go 80 MPH yet on foot we can walk if we really move fast at 4 mph. (it take me 18 minutes to walk a mile if I'm walking comfortably, If I walk faster 15) SO just taking that little bit of math you can see how we are MOVING way out of our comfort zone-a disconnetion!!



IF I were to walk across this country as many have done, if I didnt stop to rest (which I know I have to do) I could walk 40 miles if I had 10 good hrs of light and the body of a 20 yr old..but with me I could probably do 10 or 15 on level ground. So according to this mileage calculator its 2,175 miles from my location to Ventura California...so it would take me 145 days--if I walk every day 15 miles--WOW-image what kind of life experience I could have if I were out there walking for 145 days? I could pack so much into a day!! There are endless possibilities of the number of people I would encounter, the things I would see and witness.

Instead when I recently drove to AZ I took my time, I drove only 8 hrs a day and yet I still got there in 5 days! I thought I was taking my time...WHAT If I drove only 15 miles a day? What memories I could accumulate!! It would have taken me  months just to arrive in AZ!!

When we slow down and take our time we absorb more, we are more connected and we are more in tune with the true nature of our bodies. So if I drove 15 miles a day I could go 374 miles on one tank of gas and it would take me 25 days Imagine all the awesome memories I could accumulate in 25 days!!


So the point is if we slow down we get more life in this lifetime!! We get what we put in...if we zoom around at the speed of light...what do we see-- a BLUR, if we slow down we see each star and each blade of grass we see each butterfly, each tree and each person we come into contact with --with clarity and then maybe understanding could actually sink in.  When we take the time to really spend TIME with someone the differences start to disappear and in that place is understanding.

My hope for the rest of my time on this planet is that I wont say I didnt have time---because we all have the same number of hours in a day, its the speed at which we travel that determines how much time we have! We turned back the clock...now what are you going to do with that hour?

Can Time Stand Still?

ELL...I keep turning time over in my mind, and here in the think tank blog is a good spot to put these thoughts out there...so I can remember I had them! My fascination with time-space- goes way back to Jr high school when I had a really fantastic science teacher who was always throwing interesting ideas out there for us to think about...he didnt throw time out but what he did do was remind all of us that we had a brain so we should use it, not just to go about our daily life but to explore the unknown, no matter how critical others may be of these ideas!

You know how Earthlings are always searching outer space for aliens....well guess what-- we live in outer space and we are aliens! LOL that always surprises me when I remind myself we are just as much a part of this Universe as our mighty Sun is!

Time=movement in space! That is a proven fact. NOW this is all just my thoughts and I have not googled up this whole idea and dont really plan to...I want to allow my mind to come up with ideas that are spawned purely of thoughts Ive had and assembled into theories of my very own. So this idea came to me...

My Mom is a bible scholar and I learn things by having discussions with her. She believes firmly in creation, and I still dont know what I believe! I am always evolving in my ideas about that...but here is what we discussed. Im certain the writers of the Bible were real, they wrote their ideas and experiences and passed them on. It is at the very least an Ancient writing we all have access to...just as the Koran, the Torah, etc.
Mom told me of the old ones in the Bible and how they lived for centuries some as much as 900 yrs. So I said "well I guess they were closer to the source therefore they were not diluted and had more of the good stuff running in their gene pool." Much like a river its the sweetest right where the first bubble comes from deep inside the Earth, it has not been poluted and it has not been diluted...its almost perfect!

She agreed with me. Then I said, "maybe back then the Earth revolved slower..therefore time passed slower, and people aged slower and lived longer!" We sort of looked at each other, then she reminded me that "in the Bible it states that it took God 7 days to create the heavens and the Earth. Yet to God a day is 1000 yrs." So I said "well maybe in the life of early man it took 1,000 yrs for the Earth to make one full turn, or a day to pass." Who knows this could be possible...we have no way of knowing just what speed the Earth moved at 2000 yrs ago.

The Sun does not move so to me that means it hangs in timeless space--space that is not moving---so time is not moving, so it is timeless! So-- if the Earth should stop revolving---and stop orbiting....there would be a dark side of the Earth...everyone would have to move to the sunny side of the Earth and we may actually stop aging...time would stand still.
Its just something to ponder!!

A Matter of Time

hat do you know about time? Time has fascinated me for--well a long time! When I think about the Earth and how old it may be and how old it will become--I realize that my life span is equivalent to one breath! One intake of air that passes through our atmosphere! How fortunate we are to have a planet with an atmosphere!

Time is a measurement---and we humans have developed many way to keep up with it! The ancient people knew more about time than we do! I've talked about this before--it seemed that they were more in tune with the passing of time than us modern day humans are...and it makes me wonder why? I cant answer that question...but think about this--

In the days of yore when explores such as C. Columbus were venturing beyond the known some rumors circles around that the world was flat! Meanwhile the Ancient Mayans had created a calender based on the movements of the planets and they did this based on their knowledge of astronomy! So how did civilizations separated geographically come to such different conclusions? Some research I did states that during the Middle Ages--religious leaders suppressed the knowledge that ancient Greeks already knew-- that the Earth was spherical in shape.


The space time continuance states the theory that space and time are relative to each other...meaning one cant exist without the other...to me its like time is a river and space and all matter in it, (US) are moving along that river like a bobber! Time runs only in one direction!...

We know that time is relative to speed---just travel to the west coast! Animals are on different syncs than we---so are many other aspects of matter much of which we are unaware of! The lifespan of a mouse is about 3 years--ours is about 85--- a mouse's heart beats at 700 times a minute! So another good reason to keep our rate within norms. I am wondering where is the heartbeat of the Earth and how fast is it beating?

In the book Fractal Time by Greg Braden he discusses the upcoming alignment of 2012 and how it is basically a cycle completed and new one beginning, everything in time is on a cycle! We are part of that cycle and recycle! When you really think about time---its the only thing that has no beginning and no ending..it simple goes on forever, and any matter that happens to move along with it...well its only a matter of time!

I saw a movie called the Event Horizon, (1997) that movie really made me think...In reality the Event Horizon Theory is a boundary in Space Time... that surrounds a black hole...I know this is probably not something you think of on a daily basis but just for today lets explore this whole notion...the speed that light travels through time. If something is traveling at a higher rate of speed than light travels we cant see it! Like the hummingbirds that fly around from flower to flower...when they are at full speed I cant see them, I hear them go past me, but when they slow down I see them...NOW what if I began to travel faster??? Then I may see the hummer because the difference between our speed is now less! SO in reality if WE begin to move faster we are moving into the future and if we sloooowwwww down we may actually be able to travel back in time..
Our own universe may be expanding but we cant see it! That is an EVENT and its Beyond our Horizons!
Just stuff to ponder--:0)

Fact- the speed of light c in a vacuum is determined to be 299,792,458 meters/second or c = 299,792,458 m/s

A Light Year is 9,460,730,472,580.8 km (distance light can travel in one Julian yr in a vacuum)

DID you know there is such a thing as a Giga Light Year?
One GLY is one billion light years!
NOW thats far out!