Metaphorically...

HEN I have to get up so early just to get in a walk it makes for a really long day. 

By 10:30 Im ready to throw in the towel.  Today I was  at the stop sign by 6:30 am, turned and had the sun in my face walking back it had peeked up over the trees lining the horizon to the East as I headed back, almost looked like a mirage on the desert.  The dew melting off the plants put up a misty vale. 

Back at home the girls were eager for breakfast and I wanted some coffee. I'm sticking to Ice Coffee for now, it is satisfying.  I read a few blogs and watched the Common Milkweed Vlog, Jennifer gave us a nice tour of one of the paths on their property, always some good stuff there.  I adore both those young people for their focus, I don't know how they can maintain such a positive attitude, I strive to be more like them!

I strive to be more .  More than I am, more than I have been.

I am a Libra, balance is the key to my contentment...if any one thing is out of kilter it's as if I'm dangling on the end of a web fluttering in the wind... learning how to accept the things I can not change or have no control over is the hardest acceptance I've had to deal with my entire life.  I am one of those DO something type people, I am stubborn, and Im vengeful, and I am imperfect by so many measures.    

Case in point my son...*sigh* I thought I knew him, little did I know..and everything I wanted him to be he is the opposite.  I had to learn to lay that hammer down.  Trust me, it's the hardest thing I've ever attempted to do.  It was like when  he went through puberty he became some other kid.  I no longer had a clue what made him tick..and I still don't but at least I've identified his personality disorder trust me we all have one...and I now know the best thing I can do for now is DO NOTHING! 

Sometimes the absence of action is the answer. ..and yes we all do fit into a slot of some-kind, we would all like to think we are unique...but shock and surprise "we're not" somewhere out there is your twin you can be peg-holed, and no you're not a one of a kind.  Sorry precious. 

Dealing with an Adult child is one of the hardest family dynamics I've faced and pretty much failed/am failing at.   I really wish I had said NO much more often, NO is the hardest word in the language of man...and no truer statement has been pieced together than, you can lead a horse to water... 
and you know the rest of that story. My Mom never told me no, she never said yes either, she just let me find my own way thru life, not  good not bad just NOT...she was dealing with her own demons.

So a thirsty horse can run right over you at that trough so stand back...
I've been to the desert on a horse with no name...
America recorded that song it was a big hit for them...I listened to it over and over and ..tried to fit those words into some sort of understandable idea. 

The desert is a lonely place you can be alone, and be away from life as we know it, it's you and the environment.  The sand gets in  your eyes, it sinks beneath your feet and it is an unforgivable place if you give in to the harshness. 
It felt good to be out of the rain.  So the rain is probably a metaphor for everything coming at you from all sides, family, friends, job, responsibility. 
In the desert you can remember your name cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain...So you can reconnect with who you are...and no one can hurt you or cause you pain, or call you out for NOT being what you should be. 


So back to the horse with no name....if you have no name you have no assigned identity to live up to, you can be whatever you need to be at any given time, so you are just that horse, any horse, any color of horse, any size horse you are unidentified you could be a white horse a black horse one of the 7 horses of the Apocalypse you could be a metaphor for a horse,,,and not really be a horse at all.

,,,this rider has been to a harsh place along with an unidentified and un-assigned force that got him there.  He is reconnecting with who he is and he feels safe there...he has stripped away all the things that give him pain: identity, responsibility, purpose he just IS.  La La La La Lala Lala La La La..
The song was written by Dewey Bunnell...a member of the band this is what he said about the song...

Bunnell has explained that "A Horse with No Name" was "a metaphor for a vehicle to get away from life's confusion into a quiet, peaceful place" 
And many said that vehicle was heroin and the song was banned in some US cities...the word "horse" was slang for heroin...so there is that.  I remember it well back in my youth since horses were so important in my life.  To me it was the perfect song to escape to my fantasy world while riding my horse, Silky, Id be riding along humming  "Inna gadda da vida" by Iron Butterfly...and every one in my family thought I was a devil worshiper because the Christian Right said it was the Devil's Music...I guess cause it turned them on, and if its turns you on it  has to be bad right?  But I was just a girl listening to a song!

Say What??? It was an awesome drum solo some of the best music ever put on vinly..I played it over and over and I accused my sister of throwing it away as it disappeared she swears she didn't and she actually bought the Cassette when it came out and gave it to me...but I still wonder

I was Nature's Child and a Flower Girl all wrapped into one..
I loved America, and Steppenwolf, Led Zeppelin,  I loved Folk, Rock and Heavy Metal!! completely BI-Polar in that....Go figure, I gave my mom a hell of a time she finally gave up on me and I left home when I was 16!! I didn't need to be pushed out of the nest, in fact I was like that little bird that fell out of the nest with no feathers and just starred up at the nest and said to myself, "ok I got this" and had to figure it all out on my own. 

So now Karma is all over me like a bad rash. 

NO I never dropped acid but I was that kid... that kid who would go away with a friend and not come back for like 3 days..yeah that kid...half the time my family had no idea where I was or who I was with.

John Denver who I shared with you yesterday saved me...literally.  I found the voice I could connect my inner and my outer child to in the real world  eventually I found the balance I needed to be one, harmonically.  


                                                 1968 Me & Silky