Letting go....

ENT OVER MY BLOG READING LIST...

Seems everyone had a good or pretty good holiday and new years.  But all agree the year was a huge bust for Humanity as a whole.  My day started great ended awful...Until I am only in my own head will my life be worth living again.  I finally called the mechanic I trust and he said come by on Wednesday.  I will be there bright and early cause I want my van roadworthy. 

MY eyes are nearly crossed for trying to think where is the sanity in our executive branch...and for that matter the Legislative and Justice Branch too.  Trump called up the GA Secretary of state, and basically threatened him if he didn't "find" nearly 12,000 votes so he could win.  AND thank goodness the tape of the call was leaked.  AND Purdue who is one of the crooked Senate candidates in GA rebuked the SoS for leaking the tape...DIDNT Say a f'n word about the  coercion of Trump. I really hope GA files charges against Trump.  Handcuffs and leg irons all the way. 

The Senate run off election is happening tomorrow in GA, Im sure the proud boys will be there to try and threaten Black Voters.  

I just want this week and the next 2 over with...if I had a pair of Ruby Slippers I'd tap 3 times and away I'd go into the future. 

You know how little by little you close things off in your mind, then it gets closed off in your heart, then it's closed off in your life?  Thats the fork in the road Im standing in front of.  One moment Im in a panic just thinking about it, then Im saying "you must let go what you have tried and failed to make right"...it's a painful place to be, at that crossroad of life changing decisions.   The kind  you can can't go back and undo.  

I have run away twice in my life, and I almost feel it's going to happen again.  

I can't change you, I can only change me. 

Letting go is hard.  It does not happen overnight or a fortnight, or month or a year or two, but then it begins to happen.  You talk yourself back off the ledge and you see that thing you must let go of getting smaller and smaller, and the gap between you and it becomes hugeeee and there is this tiny little dot and almost like a mirage it blurs and you can then turn and walk away. 

Im standing on that fork, Im looking back and Im telling myself face reality, you tried and you failed, you were not the best this time. You may have done your best but it fell so short of the line.   A stronger pull than sanity, survival, love and hope is in charge, you lost.  I didn't just lose the battle I lost the war, 

Actually there is no winner.. the grave awaits  us all.