Rain and all that jazz..

HILST WE SLEPT...

That dang fog and rain returned...I swear I am checking my sides to see if gills are forming..

And it's cold and about as dreary as anything you can think of.  Im listening to my CD collection today it's Nora Jones, her soft sultry jazz is about as close as I get to jazz. Im trying to find my Sarah McLachhlan collection, this one was labeled that..so obviously I have shuffled the jackets around...I will find it...just look for the one that says Nora Jones?

(YES, found it now I have Sarah's sad voice to set my mood all the way down to fetal ball...lol.) My Son, when  he was young and I would be driving him someplace, would ask "can we not listen to depressing Sarah"? OK, how about "Back Street Boys."

"no, Sarah is fine in that case."  we agreed on some artists, his collection was Roy Orbison...so way off the needle. 

So Im tweeting again now Trump is off Twitter.  I was never a fan of Twitter...but I can use it to keep in touch with Politicians maybe? 
MY Senate choice of Jamie Harrison is taking over as the chairman of the Nat. Democratic Convention.  He is a good guy, not a pansy and not a tough guy just a good guy.  

So far one twit on twitter asked me if I could pass a drug test...obviously he is clueless, he said "and you believe Joe Biden won 80 Million votes" when I said the Trump riot was only 8 thousand present while Trump said it was 250K aahhhhh, not even close...so he is the ONLY one saying 250K the news media's I checked said 8 K...and honestly I think it was even smaller.  

Apples to Apples:

Of course the Right is trying to lay blame at the feet of the left for the riots, strange how that is...they want to compare this to BLM. OK, that is not a political leader assembled protest..it was citizens led and citizen groups.  Different animal lets compare apples to apples...did a Biden speech incite a riot? NO, did any Democrat stand in back of a pick up truck and shout to incite anger in the crowd? NO.  Did anyone from Antifa tweet, post or otherwise ask for any one associated with it to assembly on Jan 6th? NO. Did Hunter Biden get up on a podium and shout at the crowd to STOP THE STEAL...NO!

Trump did, the GOP did, the GOP senators did, the Leaders of the GOP did...Trump Jr did, so  like I said NOT EVEN close...now they are saying how does Impeachment Unite us? It's a tool that was used to show our unity against the movement, the unity we will be trying to  spread once the mouth of Trump is completely silenced, and the real facts come out about what he is doing with the money he has collected from them and the lie of the election steal, that same guy asked me Why I believe that Biden got 80 million votes, I said because the Election Returns reported by 50 states counted up to that...

Trump has not lied about the number of votes he got because he can't... he is saying
Yes I got 74K as  you have said but he did not get 80K as you have said...

OK how does that work?? You counted right for me, wrong for him...OH I turst you counted right for me, not but lied for him, all 50 states. 

 And this was a 50 state conspiracy. Heck we cant even get 50 states to unite on how to roll out the covid vaccine, but somehow we managed to unite all 50 election committees in all 50 states. 

Im as gullible as the next gal, I believe in Aliens for Pete's sake, but I don't believe in Trumpism.  There is more evidence that  GOD is real than there is of the vote steal conspiracy. 

5 more sleeps and Trumpism is officially DONE, and then we breath a sigh of relief...and hope the right can find their brain again some where right down around their a-hole, and they stop circling the drain.  As long as the evil right wing media keeps playing on their minds they have little chance, its sad to see half the population of this country turned into Hate Zombies. I wish there was a way to help them. If only they would turn off Fox, Brietbart, Sky News, Rush Limbaugh, and lots more that I am not aware of because I stay clear of intentional liars.  

Now they are angry because their message of  hate in not on privately owned social media...they are getting blocked, they are being removed, they are being silenced...so they say...Fine by me.  Let the Zombies so silent and consume themselves. 

I got the calendars that I ordered via Facebook, they take your photos and make a collage of based on the month you uploaded it,   I got 2, one for my son who has a birthday swiftly approaching,.

 

Im giving my sis the Mr Mercedes dvd's I ordered she is a fan, since we streamed it on Bflix son doesn't need them. Great series although not for the faint of heart must be a fan of thrillers to enjoy it.  She is, so she will. My youngest sis can't even watch Old Yeller..but I understand completely.  

So the van is in the shop and I wait...no expectations right away as there is not one mechanic in this town who is not over worked..so Im patient.  Yesterday was glorious so I birded the yard, did a little wood cutting for the fire and then last evening we watched Fast n Furious 5, a bit noisy but I made it thru,  I did like the Tokyo Drift movie. And I  know the leading actor of the F & F movies was killed in an accident so this is the culmination of his life's work, so very sad.

Im supposed to go Walmart shopping with my son but I don't really want to it's so nasty this cold rain is not what we need to be out in he has a head cold and I had a couple days of unwell feelings.. and I think he has my umbrella, I can wait till tomorrow personally...I don't really need anything. 

Arms of an Angel 

Sarah McLachlan 

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight..

But one of my favs of hers is
Blue

Blue, songs are like tattoos
You know I've been to sea before
Crown and anchor me
Or let me sail away
Blue, here is a song for you
Ink of a pin
Underneath the skin
An empty space to fill in

She loved him more...

HEN HIS EYES WERE GREY

the palest shade of a winter day,,,

My x had grey blue eyes...depended on what he was wearing, mine are green and they change according to how much blue is in my shirt,,

Those words up there are from the song Sorrowful Angels, performed by Patti Lovelace.  I love her simple harmonic voice, it's fun to sing along with her...Im an alto harmonic.  

And you  know Vince Gill has been a favorite of mine since way back in the 70's when he was with Pure Prairie League, Amie was one of their early hits that I loved to play and sing.  I can't play guitar anymore since I broke both my wrists, sadly my left wrist does not work properly anymore and I cant hold it in the correct position to make the chords...I still have my guitar and started playing in 1974 and played up until 2013.  It is a very bittersweet feeling. 

Today has been a day of music for me, I do this occasionally when the soul sickness comes onto me hard.  It was the palest of winter days early today fog and damp hung around from overnight rains, the clouds  so low...and I slipped down with them.  My soul touched the ground, and the sadness crept in.  

Sorrowful angels wept into their wings.  

And I felt bad when I got up this morning,,,my right lower lung lobe has crackles...YES I could hear it in bed last night so listened with my stethoscope and yes I can hear crackle on expiration. Could be the beginnings of a pneumonia, so I put myself on Antibiotics that I happen to have.   A friend went to Mexico before the pandemic of course and she brought back bottles of antibiotic. And I got some.   So I hope to catch this early.  

I tried to get out of the funk with music and so I moved my CD changer and the soundbox onto the stand where my record player was...I love my record player but my records are getting old and skipping and can be annoying to listen to. So I moved it into the bedroom...switched places in other words. 

So the changer holds 6 CDs in a little pocket and you push it in and it plays till it's gone thru all 6.  You really don't have to touch it for hours,,,,It helped me.  Then the sun came out...I began to feel better and did some cleaning.  Mostly putting things away, picking up this and that and some light dusting, floor sweeping.  Then I felt tired so I sat with my laptop and worked on some more of my old blog posts with missing photos still in the 2015, and 2016 years.  It's a very slow process, but I got about 5 old posts done.  Slowly grasshopper. 

Then I sang along with Patti on that song, it's a soulful sorrowful ballad, and I hope you will give a listen.  

It's very possible that we can get Trump impeached again and that is better than nothing as he pretends he had nothing to do with what happened, he actually threaten US again by saying it will make some people very angry...
TOO F'Ning bad is my answer to that.  I got all the way to the H's in my list of telling the Representatives who voted YEA, what sacks of pure manure they are, and asking them to resign, and I see hundreds more comments saying the same.

Once I get thru the bad list then I plan to write the good list, the people in Congress who did their job.  I don't know if its gonna me movie night or not Son has not contacted me yet so if he doesn't Im not gonna bother him he may be tired an fell asleep on the  couch.  

IF not Im going to watch Finding Your Roots Nancy Pelosi is going to be on it. 

The fire is crackling and all is good. 

 

Blues Concert

HO WILL CALL YOUR NAME...

I felt it the minute my eyes opened this morning before dawn boy could share his song...I had  "soul sickness".  The best way to get rid of soul sickness is to Sing...

Wednesday 9/2/2020
Today I'm putting on a concert and I'm the saddest DJ you ever laid eyes on, just playing the songs that make me .................sob, and I can sit here and feel sorry for myself and let out all the emotions surrounding this sadness and the Sh*t that has gone down in my life and the life of my family...we have had a rough couple of years.  We are due a break and if it don't come soon,,,,,well then I don't see the point. 
The following are some of the saddest songs I've ever had the joy to hear. 

... the following song for my beloved and beautiful son💓...he is going through some really hard times.  I reach out but I don't know the right words and I only make a mess of things because when my center is in place I am a realists and I just say "well, it's easy just do things differently." He is so much like MY dad...sadly he needs his own dad right now...when you need someone the most and they are not even on the Planet anymore, it's so final. 



😫😫😢😢

 I must work through it or it lingers... I listen to Vince Gill and Sarah McLachlan ..their gilded voices help me work thru the sadness that has brought me to my knees today...they pull it out, it seeps out of my pores like honey from a deserted  hive, and maybe I can be lifted again to stand strong but till then...I purge and I embrace this pain. Because it's impossible to sit down with a real person and work through these emotions...they would be so alarmed and stressed out it would be quite cruel to put someone on that line, 


My Mom and I used to sing this song together, we really loved to sing and play our guitars...voices sending it out there...If you have never taken the time to be with someone you love  and SING a song together you are really missing out on a connection that comes from deep inside. An experience you will never forget.  The last song we sang together was at the breakfast table in 2019...it was the "Circle". She remembered the words...*T* And then we sang it at her funeral that fall...there is nothing worse than a cold blustery November funeral💔when it's your mama they are putting in that tomb. 

I'm playing this song for my dad💝...his life was so short, and tormented...he was no stranger to the dark side of life..,my Mom's happiest years were when my dad stopped drinking and was saved in the Church of God...she said she would never forget the day the "spirit" entered him and he walked between those pews to the preacher and they all prayed over him, I wish I could of seen that because it lasted only 2 yrs...and I hadn't been born yet...he gave her a bible that Christmas and then...she said, "the devil got him back." It really broke my heart to hear her say that.  My sister who is now 71 was a wee baby crawling on the floor...he came home drunk and shot a pistol in the house and that baby,  reached out and picked up that bullet then she cried cause it was hot when she touched it..He got saved after that and I was born a couple years later...but he left and he aged well beyond his years..and then he came back took us to Michigan and my baby sis was born, then he left and he aged so much beyond his years, and he moved us to South Carolina, and then one day he just left...and  6 months later we attended a May funeral in Tennessee. 
I have lived 14 yrs beyond what my father did...a life in exchange.


Vince Gill, Patty Loveless, Ricky Skaggs


This next song I am playing for my beloved Mom💝.  If there is such a thing, I know she is with them 'because my mom was an Earthly Angel...🙏'

In the Arms of an Angel 



MY MOM believed She read her Bible, from cover to cover, but she rarely went to a Church...in fact she did not like Church.  So today I celebrate her belief only if for a day..she used to tell me she was praying for me...I think she started praying for me when I was born and she never stopped....she knew I was not a believer, that I had struggled with it all my life, and she respected that and she never tried to convince me otherwise, she would just say "I am praying for you"...and she would fold her hands together and close her eyes...and she really meant it from the heart...No one prays for me now and I know that makes no sense for someone who doesn't even believe but I miss that closeness we had...when someone reaches out to you in a special way, it means something.  It shows love. 

She is gone....but today and everyday I mourn my mom..She told my dad when  he brought her to South Carolina in 1960 that she was NOT leaving here, he could go where ever he wanted but she was staying and she did...she was a widow for 53 years. She raised 3 kids on minimum wage alone, and she prayed  for him. 

I still believe in you....




Some days it's like I really can't go on dealing with grief its a daily challenge...and it only cuts deeper the closer it gets  to the first birthday without my Mom...it's overwhelming...
and in a couple months I mark a whole year of life without her..It just hit me like a ton of bricks  how can that be, how can that be? She watched me take my first breath, my first steps...and I watched her take her last breath, and I helped her take her last steps.  I watched my son take his first breath, and I watched him take his first steps.....

This next song is for the man💘 I loved for over 40 yrs of my life...I misunderstood what was happening,  and I let him down in many ways, and we had many many happy years in between all that...and I will never be healed of his loss..I tried...there is no way to say I'm sorry to someone  who has forgotten your name, his own son,  and the past 48 yrs of time spent together...sometimes it is too late to say I will always love you....So I'm playing this for him, AND all the other families out there who are going through Alzheimer. I know your pain.

I Never Knew Lonely..


Sometimes you must show your emotions, you must reveal your heart and the place it is in...I am all the things I allow myself to be.  I am strong, I am determined, I am capable, I am independent, I am weak, I am wounded,  I am hurt, I deserve a stiff kick in the pants, and a big bear hug, sometimes you need someone  to carry the  sword while you lay your's down and weep.

For my  three pillars... Father, Husband, Mother....this one goes from my heart to yours...

I  Will Remember You...



I finish up my mini concert with Alison Krauss another wonderful harmonizer...when you have people around you who you love and  who share your history and your grief, who will drop everything when you need them...you  need not say anything, be comfortable in the silence, and put your head  on my shoulder...and let the tears fall down, it's ok.
For my lovely Sisters💕....

When You Say Nothing At All




I hope you never shove your feeling down, I hope  you let them out and you experience all of them...how can we know the depth of love if we never feel the sense of loss, loneliness, grief, and the sad distance when that love has left us?

All that noise of life..and then there was silence...fill it with song.