Karma

AVES HER WAND...

I guess we have all seen Karma at work, and sometimes we don't see the whole picture till we get the rest of the story...

I have touched on how my X was side railed by early onset dementia.  I must put in this side note this struck him AFTER we split up but before we were divorced.  

I did not file for divorce, in fact when I realized something was not quite right I did my best to look after him as much as he would allow...but see even though we were still married he suddenly had his son from a first marriage made his Power of Attorney, and right after that he filed for  divorce.  I called the lawyer that served me and I said WHY is he doing this because I wanted him to stay in the home we owned together so I could look in on him as often as I could it was right next to my Mom's where I was living.  I had sat down with my X when I moved back to SC to help my Mom...I told him we can do one of three things.

1. I can buy you out and help you move into a smaller place in town. 

2. You can stay here as long as possible and I will do what I can to help when you need it.

3. Or we can get a divorce.  

We settled on Number two! He said this was his home and he did not want to leave. I was happy with that decision.  That's when I spent my savings to add a room to Mom's house and stay there to help her and look in on him and help when he needed it.  One year later he filed for divorce.  SO I was a little shocked.  I told him I no longer had money to buy him out I had spent it for the room addition at Mom's....

So long story short I had to get a part time job which turned into a full time job and was not able to be with Mom 24 hrs a day which meant she suffered and he suffered also...IN order to buy him out and keep the home...So when I called the lawyer he told me his father had appointed his older son from his first marriage as Power of Attorney and he was the one who was helping with the divorce action so I called that son.....

And I was quite honest...he lives in VA 500 miles away.  And I told him look, 

"your dad is not in his right mind as you have figured out, I was looking in on him but not managing any of his affairs, but he seemed to be managing his affairs fairly well his bills were paid he drove into town to eat dinner each evening, and he was doing pretty good.  I was helping him out with the yard work and looking in on him but if he divorces me and moves into town I won't be doing that, so are you going to do it?"

HE told me most likely once the settlement was done his father would be moving up to VA TO STAY with him and his "live in girlfriend" who had 2 children who were both about to move out on their own..

So the divorce was finalized and he had one month to move out and I had one month to pay him the settlement offer and get the keys to the house.  One day after I paid him he disappeared.  SO I found out he had driven up to VA...with the check I gave him.  It was deposited into his account and his son's name was then added to his account I found this out Later.  That was Oct of 2012.  

BUT my x came back in 3 days after going to VA...and he began to try to move the things he wanted...our son helped him move...and I got the keys. He left the house in a horrible mess.  He had pushed things up into piles like he planned to move it but in the end he took only a few things.

He moved into a low income seniors place in town and I was told he had a lady who came in 3 times a week to cook and clean for him and  did his shopping... his car died of an oil pump failure...A "friend" of his who had been "helping" him actually helped himself to many of my X's belongings, the list of things missing were:

A handgun, a 16 ft extension  ladder, 3 circular saws, assorted hand tools, 2 chain saws, a outdoor wrought iron dining set, a lawn mower, and some classic dinette chairs that were in the attic that had belonged to my father...and then his car came up missing.  See we had made a list of all the "objects" in the house as part of the settlement, and NONE of those things were in the house, the shed or his apartment.  AND his car was also missing...when he collapsed in McDonalds and was taken by ambulance to the hospital...and later moved to another hospital they said he had a stroke or a heart attack.  Ended up he had neither we never got a diagnosis except dementia, and early onset Alzheimer's. 

IT was me who went to sit with my x for about 30 days when he recovered in the hospital he def had a psychotic  break of some kind he couldn't even talk! But eventually he got better, but now his SON who had power of attorney and medical POA also decided he should not go back to this former living arrangement but into a nursing home..

SO I spoke to him..."you told him and ME that he was going to be living with you in VA." 

But as it turns out when my x went up there to finalize those arrangements, his son's live in GF did not want his dad to move in and live with them...So that's why he came back and was put in a senior low income housing.  Legally I could DO NOTHING but my sister had stayed in touch with that son and he confided in her that he was angry because my husband had been loaning money to our Son who had lost a job and was having hard times...a couple of grand.  I started trying to get the house  ready for my son and his girlfriend to live in as a rental we had decided...as it turned out my son lost his job and had to take a job that was too far away to commute from here so that deal fell thru etc. 

SO what did the step son do?  He took control of my husband's accounts wiped it out the divorce settlement money was gone, and when we tried to get my x into a Nursing home the SS Administration was the one who told us there was no money in his accounts, they went over his accounts for the past 5 yrs.....come to find out the POA son was giving him an eating allowance of $10 a day...

So I found out from my X when he became alert enough to speak to me about some things that his so called friend the handy man had his car and had agreed to pay him only $400 for it, but never did....the car was at that time valued at $5000.  

 SO I contacted the POA son and he collected the money for the car I don't know how much...then my sister told me that that son who was supposedly was handling things had been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease a year earlier and he had to quit work  and had filed for Disability!! 

By this time my x was in  nursing home and he was doing pretty good I went to visit and he seemed to be settling in pretty well...and in fact he met a woman in there and they became sweethearts, at this point I backed away content things were ok,  and my sister would call and check on him and his sweethearts daughter worked at the facility and she was keeping us posted on his going on's but then....

That daughter changed jobs and she had her mother moved to the place where she was working and she requested that my x be moved also...in the end the step son said move him....so he was actually living closer to me, but NO one told me...until he had been living there 3 months and he fell.  He was moved to Charleston which is about 3 hrs away... 

He did not do well and at one point they said he went into cardiac arrest, his son had put a DNR on him but they did not have the paperwork in the facility they moved him to and they broke 3 ribs doing CPR and then he was transported to the ER and that is when they discovered his DNR was not in his paperwork from the original nursing home so they faxed it over and he was NOT put on life support and died of respiratory and heart failure (he couldn't breath with 3 broken ribs) at midnight the day before I had arranged for someone to look after my mom so I could go down to see him.  BUT he died.

SO what does this have to do with Karma you ask....well Im getting to that...

SO all along when I thought my Step Son was making these decisions about the care of my X it was actually his girlfriend someone none of us knew and  had never met, who was making the decisions and the step son was passing this info along, it appeared he was in charge but his Parkinson's Disease had gotten so bad he was not even able to work let along keep tabs on my x's affairs....SO my sis and I discussed going to court to have step son removed as his POA but before we could do anything he fell was moved to Charleston, and in the end died...

The step son never came to his dad's funeral, never sent flowers, and never helped pay for his final expenses except for $1,000.  I never spoke to him after he told me he had changed his mind about his dad living with them...I was so angry....legally I HAD NO LEG to stand on.  IN fact my name was not even on his "call list" and if I called to inquire of his condition I was told NOTHING..,,

So this week I found out....the same woman who had been pulling the strings to get my x's bank account signed over to the step son has placed that son in a nursing home on hospice! So this is where Karma comes in, the step son who out of jealously convinced his father to put him as his POA and divorce me, and  his girlfriend convinced him to take over his father's income so my son could not a penny, and then marry her and put her on his accounts,  has control of him has now put him in a nursing home....he is still a young man, and to me that is a death sentence for him. 

So I am still friends with this step son's x wife they had 2 children they were married 12 years during that time we were all friends  I considered those children to be my step grandchildren, and she is very upset and as an x wife I know how she feels the father of her children is in a nursing home put there by the same women who put the father of my child in a nursing home and neither of us could do a damned thing about it...

IM sort of happy my SON is not married!!