Strange Bedfellows

My room at home

hy does a rainy day get me down? That old song Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get ME Down..comes to mind...every time I come to Greenville to dog sit it rains..not just one day but every day---since I arrived here on Friday morning I saw the sun for about 1 hr before darkness fell that night and then the clouds brought forth rain --and today its a steady downpour, cold and dreary--seemed to set the stage for last nights nightmare!! YES I have nightmares.

For many years after the passing of my forever friend Sundance (he was my horse) he came to me in dreams...dreams of me trying to find him as he disappeared over a hill beyond my reach, dreams of seeing him laying dead in a puddle of blood (he did not die in a puddle of blood I had him humanely put to sleep to stop his suffering) dreams of me riding him and the scent of his horsey coat drifting up to me exactly as it did when I rode him for real--I waked from these dreams sometimes screaming, always crying, always upset. Since 1996 these dreams plagued my sleep until last year....for 13 years I almost didnt want to go to sleep and when I did the last thing I would utter is..
"Please no dreams tonight."

I moved 800 miles away in 2001 and still the dreams followed me where ever I went...didnt matter-although I didnt have them every single night..I had them more nights than not.
In 2006 I moved back to SC from NY. I was once again stood by the grave of my forever friend. I tended where it had sunk, hauled loads of sand to level the ground and put up a sadly bent marker made of some old aluminum..formed in a cross...I hung windchimes and his halter--hoping by doing this I was setting his soul free to roam the vast universe alone until the day I join him and once again share the world with him as one- me astride him taking us both where we want to go.

Then one morning I awoke with a dream fresh in my mind...we had been together again--he had trotted away and I had gone up a grassy ridge to see him all the while calling his name. When I got to the ridge below I saw a sink hole and his dead lifeless body lay crumpled at the bottom. I was so crushed inside I awoke and the pain was so real---I had to experience it all over again the feeling of loss, grief, guilt, aloneness, it hit me hard.

I keep a large picture of Sundance in my room, its the only picture hanging on my wall--I took him to be the guardian of my soul--having lost my faith so long ago I felt disconnected, so Sunny was my way to reconnect. He may have been watching over me, maybe not I dont know these things I can only imagine--but I know I was in misery.

Not just the ghosts of many things passed long ago, but fresh ghosts of the 911 tragedy and the role I had in that-witnessing it for one, and volunteering with other EMT's for another...trying to come to grips with horror is not easy task--can it even be done? So far I would say NO..

So on that morning I awoke with fresh wounds to the loss of my friend and I yelled out "GO AWAY-YOU ARE DEAD, I PUT YOU IN THE GROUND I SAID WORDS OVER YOU, IM STILL ALIVE, I CANT TAKE THESE DREAMS ANY MORE! I pounded my fist on my pillow and I cried and let all the pain come out---my face wet with tears and my heart aching, but eventually I was able to get out of bed and go about a normal day...then that night

The dream returned with fury--my legs and body frozen in pain and agony as he trotted away and I couldnt get close to him I screamed "SUNNY" but he kept going , when he got to the rise he stopped and looked back for a long time I got closer but then he trotted over the hill...when I finally made it up the rise and looked down he was GONE--no body this time just an empty valley with grasses swaying. I wept and I screamed SUNNY where are you dont gooooooo...but he did, I had sent him away in the awake world and he left me. I woke myself screaming SUNNY quite loudly---I sobbed for hours upon awaking...for I had driven the love of my life away unable to keep reliving the pain of losing him.

I have not dreamed of Sunny since that dream--I still have nightmares like the one last night...I was in a bus a small van type bus with a group of senior citizens my Mother was with us..we were going to a place to eat it was like a seniors commune. As we parked two fighter jets swooped down and one shot a rocket at us, it came right through the van traveled right through leaving an entry and exit hole--but no one was harmed. IT swooshed right past my face...it was about 2 feet long and looked exactly like a small rocket...it was painted that drab army green....The entry hole had an image of clear plastic covering it and the image was the face of the man who had been behind the controls of the plane that shot the rocket at us. He was an Asian man and he wore an old German WWII type metal helmet on his head.

Everyone was debarking the van to go inside to eat a meal, but I wanted to take a photograph of this clear plastic bust of the Asian man..I tried and tried but the camera would not work!! Meanwhile I got left behind...when I finally gave up and went inside there were hundreds of people there I couldnt find my party or my mom. I looked in every room, I ended up at this gate and I climbed over it and there was a young woman-- a cook---she told me I couldnt come there I had to leave I climbed up on a trellis type structure...and there were spiders webs up there...I dont like spiders and I told her "I cant go that way there are spiders there." SO she opened the gate and I grabbed my pocketbook (the very one I am carrying in real life) My camera (the very one I use now) and a packet of cigarettes and a lighter!! I used to smoke but quit long ago,....but in my dreams IM STILL A SMOKER. I even said in my dream "YOU dont smoke"..but then my subconscious said "I'm dreaming and I do smoke when Im dreaming." SO strange---I headed back up to the main dining areas it was separated into different rooms...but I couldnt find anyone I knew and when I looked outside the van was gone---I woke UP!! It took me about 3 or 4 minutes to be able to move...I was paralyzed--and afraid, lost.

MY brain was numb for quite a long time after I got up..it took 2 cups of strong coffee to get it awake, if its even awake not sure. I felt exhausted and I still do...I do know that when I come to my sisters house I always have vivid dreams and there is something about this house that is not right!! I feel very depressed when Im here and on rainy days which seems to be always--it has rained every time Ive come here for the last 5 or 6 times---the energy here is very low and bad. I never feel quite myself when Im here. I try to be ME, but something gets in the way of that. Ive come here and my head has ached so bad I couldnt get out of bed!! Ive come here and I hear voices but no one is here but me. I told my sister and she agrees the energy of this house is not good...she has redone most all of the rooms but it has not made it better in fact I'd say its worse.

IS the problem with this house or is a combo of me in this house? I cant wait until tomorrow afternoon when I can go home!!

Thoughts of our Lunar Sister

Last night's moon

ell its been a while since Ive taken the time to post something in Writtins! Mostly due to a time factor. Time is one of the subjects I enjoy writing about, that and space and the marriage between them. I love the Universe--the mystery-- the mystic of it--the not knowing and the constant desire to know more about it!! I do know we humans are very connected to our Universe...we have lost much of our instincts that kept us more in tune with the Cosmic forces we are each very much a part of.

Each time there is a cosmic event I read up on it and try to see it for myself if my sky is allowing--most of the time it doesnt!! But you know in reality that keeps me fresh and keeps me hoping that more of the mystery of the Universe will be unveiled to me when the time is right!! Not just me but to mankind as a whole. Our Universe is so huge there would never be enough time in Human Years to transverse it and discover all the beauty it holds and the many secrets hidden away---In the timeline of this Universe we are but a speck, a bit of dust--not the biggest part of the big picture...The Universe is the Big Picture!!

All our Earthly struggles seem so small and insignificant when compared to how the moon holds back the tide and brightens our dark skies at least one a month. Primal societies believed a womans cycle was controlled by the moon as it seemed to be in step with our Lunar sister sitting up there. I have no doubt it is so.

Not long ago we had a Blue Moon. I featured it in my other blog---it was a very cold night but I ventured out to get a snapshot of our baby sister the Moon! Once in a Blue Moon--is an old phrase that we Americans have used for many years I dont know how long its been in use but I know that a blue moon is not really blue but the rare event of having two full moons in one monthly cycle...



We never get to see the dark side of our moon...makes me wonder what goes on there...does it have any strange things happening that we are not privy too? It is also referred to the Far Side of the moon. In 1959 a Soviet Luna 3 module photographed the far side and its heavily pot marked with craters!! IT does however receive as much or more light than the near side we see-- The moon gets Earthshine!!
One of those photos of the Far Side can be seen here on Wikipedia

I was not a happy camper when NASA flew a rocket and crashed it into the surface of the Moon. I thought that was the most irresponsible thing Ive ever heard of!! I sent an email telling them so...never got a response but Im sure it went into a file with numerous others for I cant be the only soul living here who thinks we should not be shooting rockets at our MOON!! What a foolish thing to do and waste of money too!!

I wondered in that email who gave ownership of the Moon to NASA? They never asked me if they could do that did they ask you...nope it seems our government can make some fool hearted decisions that we have no influence or say so over.
As a member of this Universe I want to discover what is out there not by destroying it or trying to manipulate it, or by drilling holes in it, but simply by seeing it with my minds eye. I have no desire to stand on the moon, or fly around it, its enough for me to get the chance to see it hanging above and feel a connection to it.

Can Time Stand Still?

ELL...I keep turning time over in my mind, and here in the think tank blog is a good spot to put these thoughts out there...so I can remember I had them! My fascination with time-space- goes way back to Jr high school when I had a really fantastic science teacher who was always throwing interesting ideas out there for us to think about...he didnt throw time out but what he did do was remind all of us that we had a brain so we should use it, not just to go about our daily life but to explore the unknown, no matter how critical others may be of these ideas!

You know how Earthlings are always searching outer space for aliens....well guess what-- we live in outer space and we are aliens! LOL that always surprises me when I remind myself we are just as much a part of this Universe as our mighty Sun is!

Time=movement in space! That is a proven fact. NOW this is all just my thoughts and I have not googled up this whole idea and dont really plan to...I want to allow my mind to come up with ideas that are spawned purely of thoughts Ive had and assembled into theories of my very own. So this idea came to me...

My Mom is a bible scholar and I learn things by having discussions with her. She believes firmly in creation, and I still dont know what I believe! I am always evolving in my ideas about that...but here is what we discussed. Im certain the writers of the Bible were real, they wrote their ideas and experiences and passed them on. It is at the very least an Ancient writing we all have access to...just as the Koran, the Torah, etc.
Mom told me of the old ones in the Bible and how they lived for centuries some as much as 900 yrs. So I said "well I guess they were closer to the source therefore they were not diluted and had more of the good stuff running in their gene pool." Much like a river its the sweetest right where the first bubble comes from deep inside the Earth, it has not been poluted and it has not been diluted...its almost perfect!

She agreed with me. Then I said, "maybe back then the Earth revolved slower..therefore time passed slower, and people aged slower and lived longer!" We sort of looked at each other, then she reminded me that "in the Bible it states that it took God 7 days to create the heavens and the Earth. Yet to God a day is 1000 yrs." So I said "well maybe in the life of early man it took 1,000 yrs for the Earth to make one full turn, or a day to pass." Who knows this could be possible...we have no way of knowing just what speed the Earth moved at 2000 yrs ago.

The Sun does not move so to me that means it hangs in timeless space--space that is not moving---so time is not moving, so it is timeless! So-- if the Earth should stop revolving---and stop orbiting....there would be a dark side of the Earth...everyone would have to move to the sunny side of the Earth and we may actually stop aging...time would stand still.
Its just something to ponder!!

Working for the machines!

ONDER what it would be like to live the way our ancestors were living 100 yrs ago. The year would be 1909--just on the brink of the industrial revolution life was not animated...yet the cities were already busting with activity and immigration was booming in the USA. Many came to stake a claim to their own future and actually began building the empire that this country enjoys today...sadly I don't see it as progress for all.

This blog is my think forum, and today I'm thinking about progress and how far it has taken us away from the planet, our connection to it that is. This is kinda kinky, but here is what happened...I was visiting our bathroom the other day where we have developed leaks in both of the sink faucets and the toilet has a small drip also that will create a very annoying puddle on the floor so I have to keep constantly tightening the plastic nut at the back located in a very tight spot...so just contorting to reach it is a chore in itself. It caused me to say out loud...modern conveniences are a pain in the *ss.

The picture that popped into my mind was my grannie's outhouse...she never had to tighten one bolt, replace one faucet, or mop up one puddle!! She simply went out with her reading material and had a relaxing visit to her outhouse! No Stress involved...her mind must have been so clutter free...she had no running water, no electricity..she cooked on a wood stove and heated her home with a fireplace and a woodstove, she farmed and raised her own food, she worked HARD...but she had so much freedom and stress was not in her vocabulary....
Maybe she would have to oil the door hinge, and clear away some spiders webs from her outhouse but that's about it...she never had to mop it, never had to scrub the tile, never had to buy all those glass, tub, tile cleaners, never had to replace the flooring due to a leak ruining it....it was a NO STRESS solution to one of life's little problems...

So take our Modern bathroom for instance.
The tub is old n yucky and needs to be replaced we want to take out the tub altogether and put in only a shower..we never take baths anymore...because we don't have time to relax! So replacing that tub with a shower could cost upwards of $800
We did replace the toilet last yr, I did the labor myself  with my sis's help so the toilet was $108.
We replaced the vanity top about 5 yrs ago, it had to be custom made to size that cost about $100.
Now today I have to purchase 2 new faucets and I know its going to be at the very least $100.
The modern lifestyle has taken away our "time" and taken away tons of thinking time that we may have filled with lots of joy, wonder, and meditation but instead we spend all our time trying to earning money and our energy and the money we work so hard to get, trying to keep all the modern conveniences going and up to date...I'm thinking a shovel, a bit of lumber and a couple days of sweat equity would give me a deluxe model outhouse---that would last for years to come and I may never have to invest another dime or thought on it!..

So anyways thinking of all the modern conveniences of our daily lives got me to thinking of how we occupy most of out thought process on solving the problems of keeping these so called conveniences going! Like the fridge, if it fails to work we have to replace it, if the air conditioner breaks we have to replace it, (these items are hardly cost effective to repair these days) if our car stops or has problems it cost a lot to repair it!.. The other day our electric power went off for about an hour...we didn't know it was off--so Mom was putting a load of laundry in the clothes dryer and when she pushed the start button, nothing happened...she immediately panicked and said "OUR dyer is broken." My mind immediately went into overdrive counting up how much money it would cost to replace that dryer...and it gave me about 5 minutes of very heavy stress...then I realized there was no power in the house...the dryer is working...but for that 5 minutes I was very stressed out...when in actuality all I would need to solve that problem is a length of rope and 2 trees and some clothes pins--maybe at a cost of $2.00 and that's all it would ever cost me! Problem solved for a lifetime!

Most of us have to work many hours of our life at a job that many of us don't enjoy, we trod off Monday-Friday begrudgingly...just to keep a modern lifestyle (the machines) going.

For many years I've entertained the idea of living off the grid just to see if I could reconnect to the natural state of mind and being that we humans were meant to live and if I could once again find comfort in that lifestyle. It would not be easy knowing that these "wonderful" machines are out there and for a price I could bring them into my life...and then it starts the constant struggle to keep them going, keep them performing to the standard that I wish them to perform at....If only we could create machines that could give years upon years of service, say a lifetime of service, that would be a different story...but the way we give up our lives (time=life) to keep these shoddily built machines going really puzzles me for what is the purpose???

I could get a bucket of water, wash my clothes, and hang them out to dry at the cost of maybe 2 cents...the way it is now I'm sure I have to give up a year of my life working at something to earn enough money to pay for the detergent, fabric softener, washer/dryer and electricity it takes to keep my clothes clean over my lifespan.

So you could say we give up our lives (our time working to earn money to keep our modern life going) and in the end we pass away and our life is over and all we have to show for it are 4 walls holding all our broken down machines-- that have to constantly be replaced, and another soul is born to be lost and enslaved to the machines.

I just think its bazaar

The Bright Light-Exploring The Unknown

hat happens to our soul when we pass away? Does anyone truly know the answer to this question? I for one am not afraid to pass away, of course I don't want to go today or tomorrow but at the end of a long and eventful Earthly Life.
If I had a choice I would prefer to pass away in my sleep...just to drift from one plane of enlightenment to another silently and without drama and quickly without a determining factor. No murder, no trauma, no horrible long term disease...just died of old age! Life over and done with-gone. What more could a soul ask for? A body riddled with the mileage of living--is our ultimate goal.

Do we even have a soul? When a piece of wood is burned there is smoke--that smoke rejoins the atmosphere and in some way is recycled back into the Universe..the energy of the wood is reabsorbed.

I am not nor is any mere mortal qualified to answer that question and our words can't be the final ones on that subject. Until such time as we pass and the energy that is US is passed over to another reality can that mystery be solved. In the Bible it is stated that the living and the dead can NOT communicate...that the space (distance) is a wide chasm that separates the two and one can not be in both spots at the same time. I'm no Bible scholar so I don't know the exact book or verse but its there--Google it.

What about this? Going back to my post on time what if--this.
You know when people have this near death experience they all have a similar experience I bet you can tell me right now without reading my next sentence that they all say what??

YES they saw a bright light and they were drawn to it, they wanted to go to the bright light. So if we explore that whole idea { bright light} maybe it's the mass of souls a well of souls shining so brightly as we approach the chasm that open pit where we go to wait our next turn at life here on Earth or someplace unknown in another solar system.

Maybe we don't start here at all maybe we start in another Universe one that has no structure, nothing solid that you can reach out and touch...maybe we start out as pure energy.
Lightening is energy--we need very fast photography to see it...I recently watched on the NGG the Raging Planet and it was all about lightening. Fast high speed motion cameras showed frames of a bright light coming out of the clouds a leader first and then it webbed out reaching for positive ions to react with and the ensuing contact created the BRIGHT LIGHT! So bright it hurt the eyes. As the leader branched out like a tree of life not only did the arms reach outward but from below from within the soil of this planet limbs of light reached upward to meet the leading strike...and the union was dramatic.

So when our soul is nearing the end of this Earthly journey maybe a leader is reaching to us, to bring us to connect with other bits of souls--in a gathering spot--and from there we will continue to grow and glow as the Energy we truly are. Maybe we ride out of this life on a bolt of lightening reuniting with pure energy to continue to unite with cosmic forces we know nothing about.

Photography and editing by S. Hickman

Taboo-

hen does one throw in the towel on a relationship? Personally I've never been good at maintaining relationships. Either I get bored or I say the wrong thing or I break the ultimate taboo and talk about politics or religion. I mean no body in their right mind would do that correct? Well guess who did? Yep it was me last year--during election time I decided and announced that each of my blogs up to and including the day of voting, Nov 4th--I would make a political facts statement with my blog. (Multiply Blog) I had seen some remarks made that the facts didn't support so in my effort to set the records straight I found that people take it very personally if you try to discredit their candidate!

I was supporting the Democratic candidate (and so was most of the population of the US and the World) and some were supporting the opposition. I claim to be a fairly intelligent person therefore there is no way in my right mind I would have supported the platform of the opposition which was as follows:

On the Economy
"We know how to fix this"
On Natural Resources & Energy
"Drill Baby Drill"
On National Security
"We will destroy them"

Well I could go on but you get my drift. Then when the Opposition selected his running mate, I had to question his sanity! "You have got to be kidding me" was the first words out of my mouth and I doubled up on my politically "dangerous" blogs! Soon the trouble started-- not from strangers that happened up on my blog although there were plenty of those-- but by the very tight group of my regular contacts...one by one they made remarks such as "I don't trust him" and disappeared. I don't know how that figures into the mix, "Why," was my follow up question, to which I got no fact supported reply. I was of the nature to allow the facts to speak for themselves.

Of the 5 that left my ranks only one was a US Citizen and would be voting the others didn't even have a dog in the fight (Two Canadians, One Swede, One Britt) so I didn't quite understand that, but I think it was coercion on her part that split the blog party line.

See this is exactly how politics works...one group gets it in mind that the other must be defeated and by hook or crook they go about it...so I threw in the bi-partisan towel on that relationship and kept my political candidate and did not give up my belief system nor my political ideas and standards under pressure-and my candidate did succeed! Thank goodness--

Maybe I should run for office?

A Matter of Time

hat do you know about time? Time has fascinated me for--well a long time! When I think about the Earth and how old it may be and how old it will become--I realize that my life span is equivalent to one breath! One intake of air that passes through our atmosphere! How fortunate we are to have a planet with an atmosphere!

Time is a measurement---and we humans have developed many way to keep up with it! The ancient people knew more about time than we do! I've talked about this before--it seemed that they were more in tune with the passing of time than us modern day humans are...and it makes me wonder why? I cant answer that question...but think about this--

In the days of yore when explores such as C. Columbus were venturing beyond the known some rumors circles around that the world was flat! Meanwhile the Ancient Mayans had created a calender based on the movements of the planets and they did this based on their knowledge of astronomy! So how did civilizations separated geographically come to such different conclusions? Some research I did states that during the Middle Ages--religious leaders suppressed the knowledge that ancient Greeks already knew-- that the Earth was spherical in shape.


The space time continuance states the theory that space and time are relative to each other...meaning one cant exist without the other...to me its like time is a river and space and all matter in it, (US) are moving along that river like a bobber! Time runs only in one direction!...

We know that time is relative to speed---just travel to the west coast! Animals are on different syncs than we---so are many other aspects of matter much of which we are unaware of! The lifespan of a mouse is about 3 years--ours is about 85--- a mouse's heart beats at 700 times a minute! So another good reason to keep our rate within norms. I am wondering where is the heartbeat of the Earth and how fast is it beating?

In the book Fractal Time by Greg Braden he discusses the upcoming alignment of 2012 and how it is basically a cycle completed and new one beginning, everything in time is on a cycle! We are part of that cycle and recycle! When you really think about time---its the only thing that has no beginning and no ending..it simple goes on forever, and any matter that happens to move along with it...well its only a matter of time!

I saw a movie called the Event Horizon, (1997) that movie really made me think...In reality the Event Horizon Theory is a boundary in Space Time... that surrounds a black hole...I know this is probably not something you think of on a daily basis but just for today lets explore this whole notion...the speed that light travels through time. If something is traveling at a higher rate of speed than light travels we cant see it! Like the hummingbirds that fly around from flower to flower...when they are at full speed I cant see them, I hear them go past me, but when they slow down I see them...NOW what if I began to travel faster??? Then I may see the hummer because the difference between our speed is now less! SO in reality if WE begin to move faster we are moving into the future and if we sloooowwwww down we may actually be able to travel back in time..
Our own universe may be expanding but we cant see it! That is an EVENT and its Beyond our Horizons!
Just stuff to ponder--:0)

Fact- the speed of light c in a vacuum is determined to be 299,792,458 meters/second or c = 299,792,458 m/s

A Light Year is 9,460,730,472,580.8 km (distance light can travel in one Julian yr in a vacuum)

DID you know there is such a thing as a Giga Light Year?
One GLY is one billion light years!
NOW thats far out!