Use What Works

HEN you realize it's all a big fable...
Im talking about what we need and how it's presented to us...do we really need  half the stuff we have in our life? Maybe..and maybe not. Almost all of it is replacing something we already had.  You probably recall my Working For the Machines post way back...

Yesterday I spoke about air conditioning.  Honestly now here in this area I could not live here without air conditioning! I would have to have a tub of water  handy to get into every hour to cool myself down...if I didn't have AC.  

One time John and I decided to make improvements to our home...bring it up to modern standards, so we went to the bank took out a mortgage and borrowed $16,000.   With this money we had vinyl siding put on our house, (it has the old Asbestos Shingle Siding on it they starting using this product in the 1930's and used it up until the 1970's I figure my house was built in the 1940's) we had all the original windows taken out and had double pane vinyl windows put in except for some that could not be taken out for one reason or another..and we had central heat and air put in the house. (we moved it to this location in 1977) This meant putting duct work in the crawl space, cutting vents in each room, putting in a return which they put in my Cedar Closet..omg and the Heat Pump unit.  It ran solely on Electricity but the heat pump was billed as an inexpensive way of heating your home.  

It was not.  There was a red light and a blue light on it, when the blue light was on you were not using the extra heating elements to heat the house..when the red light was on you were gobbling up Kilowatts at a very expensive rate. So it was always John standing at the thermostat starring at the red light...I was the one who upped the temperature because as a child I was brought up in a mostly Unheated home because I was raised by my widowed mom who had to fed 3 kids pay rent and utilities on a factory salary.  Heat was a luxury we could not afford most of the time...Another story for another day.

But in summer the central air was awesome...we loved it.  The heating part was not good at all.  This central unit quit working about 20 yrs later.  Would need to be replaced...cost $12-1500.  So it never was replaced...and let me explain.  So I purchased 3 small units for $300 placed them in rooms that would provide me with good coverage.  If I spend $1500 for a new unit, when it breaks down or needs to be serviced that's expensive to the tune of hundreds.  If one of my window units goes out they still cost about $100-120.  These are 5,000 BTU units.  I can easily afford that...even if all 3 go out in one year..I could buy 15 units for the cost of replacing the central unit! So to me it's a simple thing and I can replace these small units myself without help.  And they are energy efficient and cheap to use.

I remember we had to have our central unit serviced about every 2 years it was always a big bill...$200 or $300 and it was always freezing up and just yada yada yada so if  you have plenty of extra cash laying around then go for it, but if you're like me I just want to be cool if possible, do the window units cool as well as the old one...maybe not if I had purchased larger BTU's probably...but those units are big heavy and expensive to replace so I stay with these small ones.
I would love to have that duct work removed from under my house and the old unit removed, and the duct holes closed in..but if I leave it in place AND I win the lottery Im good to go.  Problem is I don't play the lottery. 

NOW they want you to buy insurance to cover your appliances...I am pretty good at repairing my own things if you watch my YouTubes you will know that. So Im no stranger to giving it a try...and I've repaired my Dish Washer when it was leaking, My washing Machine when it would not spin, My dryer when it was over heating, My electric stove, when it basically blew up...but I think I will draw the line at the Fridge.  I can do what I did vacuum the coils, and unplug it and let it defrost in case there is an ice plug in the drain, I installed the ice maker and installed the water inlet which means I had to go UNDER my house to do it, but when messing with a compressor and the coolant there is little I can do.

I think part of the issue was the temperature inside the house...I turned the fridge up and it's working much better but it's using more power! 

Back in my studio apartment in Brooklyn it had a college dorm sized fridge...it was not frost free so every so often you had to turn it off and defrost it...one day I grew impatient and used a screwdriver to pick at the ice and punctured one of the Freon lines..and that was that.  I simply took that one to the curb and drove to Home Depot and bought a new one dragged it in put it in place and then when I paid my rent the next month I put a note in there stating what I had done and Stanley actually said he would reimburse me 1/2 since it was an old one I had replaced and he did. 

Another thing I completely disagree with is gutters!  OMG what a homeowners nightmare.  Every year sometimes twice a year dragging a ladder around to clean out the leaves, the clogged down spouts, and they cause roof rot from splash back..Finally removed the last one from my house last yr...so nice not to worry about that!! Now they sell you gutters and leaf guards, there is no leaf guard for Pine Needles, they can fit into the smallest little hole, so those leaf guard demos you see on TV is bunk if you have trees with needles, or small leaves...They get under the hood of my car so I know they can get into those gutters!

So don't fall for the most expensive way to live, try the easy way first if you get along fine with it, then why go any farther than you have to?  The finest of the fine is not always the best for us. These days there's a new everything just around the corner, but do we really need it?  I for one would be happy to purchase an electric car when they become affordable, but I probably won't be around by then.  Until then I still have 2 very sustainable means of transportation  to fall back on
MY 2 LEGS! OH and no you won't need one of those robots to clean your house you can do it!!

Of course once the Zombie Apocalypse happens, which could be any day now, we will all have to revert to the old ways Hope you know some of them.  I spent the first 6 yrs of my life in a home without electricity, no running water, and I had no clue what a Grocery Store was..so even tho I was a young kid, I watched and I learned..

So that was on my mind kinda a left over from yesterdays talk about AC.  Today I got up too late for my walk.  The heat index which is temp combined with humidity was already 94  at 8:30 am I opened the door and just slammed  it right back..I did go out and water my Garden pots, and let the dogs go for their morning run in the field they didn't even enjoy that they came right back in the house panting like crazy...even Flossie who likes to spend her mornings on the back porch,  came in and now they are sleeping like two babies on the rug in the living room. So I did 10 jumping jacks, 10 planks, 10 of those black cat stretches, and some running in place... and I was done!

This morning I watched a YouTube about Mullen and the healing properties of it,,,everything from hemorrhoids to lung trouble, I know where one is growing I will go collect some seeds would love to get it going in my field...this year I finally got one thistle to grow, bloom and now is in full seed  head.  I look forward to more thistle in my field.  Speaking of fields my neighbor has a horse and a burro; the burro brays everyday when they come out to feed them I have not seen or heard him bray in a couple weeks...I think he may have passed away how sad.  I will miss him!

Change starts within..

HEW...it's hot!
Saturday.

I guess it's hot all over the Planet, maybe not Australia right now?"

"Ok Google...what's the current temperature in Sydney Australia?"

"It's 52 degrees Fahrenheit in Sydney Australia, also noticed  82% humidity, westerly winds @ 7 mph and 16% chance of rain." That is not exactly cold, more like quite mild. 

Anyways it's hot everywhere.  The Earth does go thru cycles of climate change of it's own accord we know that but dang it's getting unbearable..I just heard thunder so we may get rain...I was trying to recall how we endured it back in the day??
  We had no AC in my home period when I was growing up...and my Husband John and I got our first AC unit in 1976.  It was old and used...I paid $25 for it and it was a big 10,000 BTU unit.  We were living in a 2 bedroom duplex.  He had it in his mind that Air Conditioning was NOT healthy for you...I did not understand his thinking on that as he never had a scientific example to support his reasoning...I would turn it on he would go get his jacket, a wool hat and a blanket and sit there giving me "this look" the whole time it was on! He was so opposed to it, eventually  we moved our TV into another room because he would not sit in the same room with it on. We had one of those big cabinet TV's with a radio and a turntable, it was a huge piece of maple or walnut furniture.  HEAVY!
I didn't see what difference it made it cooled the whole duplex.

At that time his sister was over visiting us.  She flew into Baltimore and we drove up and got her! She had 2 sisters in MD who she was also planning to visit, and  we wanted to save money John had paid for her flight so it was cheaper to drive.

She flew in from London, her son had taken her to the airport from her home in Manchester England, where John was also from...it was a hot trip since John would not put the AC on in our 1972 Pontiac LeMans!! It was a huge piece of steel, google it up, have a photo I will try to find. 

One day I left the 2 of them home when I returned I entered thru the back door I could hear them  in the living room, I marched in to turn on the AC....all the while saying.."why don't y'all turn the AC unit on, its hot in here?" About that time I actually entered the living room from the kitchen and there they sat...in the sweltering hot house Hilda in her size 44 D-BRA no shirt...and a pleated skirt.  She had a wet wash cloth on her neck and my Husband sat on the sofa in this Jockey Shorts fanning himself with the TV Guide.  I don't think that image will ever leave my memory.  Quite shocking.

OMG Get dressed for Pete's sake, and I turned the AC  on and soon their red faces cooled off and before you know it all was right in the world...and no ill effects...on the ride back  up to Baltimore we used the AC I never was able to see her again but we spoke many times on the phone...she passed away years ago. 


Another load of ice just dumped in the freezer, Yippy...maybe the cleaning of the coils did help!

I've always been an active person tried many sports...I played golf...and carried my clubs...here's a shot from probably 1974? I was taking a picture of my sister, who was taking a picture of me...we played together every Thursday I found these photos in one of Mom's many photos albums I am the custodian of for now...we were hackers for sure...John was a 3 handicapper he was excellent at the sport but I gave it up when the most of the women at the Camden Country Club league continued to cheat every time we played!! Unfair so there.



And Tennis...notice the wooden SMALL racket.  Once we signed up for a match...and we WON our doubles...beating the regulars who were members of that club...Pretty exciting. We also were big into bowling for many years...including my Mom. She had many trophies.  We skied in winter! Enjoyed it and John broke his wrist on one of our many sky trips.  He was out of work for about 6 weeks.





And Horses was my life back in those days here I am just pulled up from exercising this horse on the track..with me is my husband John...he was a Jockey when we married.

Things are so different now...back in those day the race horse industry was important to me then I began to see it as Animal Abuse and so did my husband and we got out of it entirely...He took up Black-smithing, and I opened up an Upholstery shop...

Funny how you can change your mind about something...it happens all the time,  they thought AC was no good turns out it is...and we thought horse racing was ok, then decided it is NOT...so you're never too old to learn, to rethink, to change.

This morning I took my walk to the stop sign and back at 6 am! Then I finished up that mowing I had to do.  I was heading back from the walk before the sun made it over the trees so it was a pretty warm pink sky...I wished I had my camera but then I was happy I didn't because now I can describe it to you and allow you to imagine it.  The trees stood tall in front of a few wispy clouds moving North to South and just to the left  that pink orange glow created  the perfect backdrop for the long branches as morning warblers and towhee's sang their dawn song. 

Time for a Guru

ell it's Friday again!
Friday was a really big day in my life back when I was a working stiff.  And it was our date night when I was married...but our date night was a little different than most couples.  We took our son and my mother with us.  We had at that time only a handful of places to eat out and we would go out to eat then head to either Kmart or Walmart to do some looking or shopping.  

Then my son got into his teens and he started backing out of going with us, and Mom got sick and had to be on Oxygen all the time and that made it hard for her at that time she was not using a walker so eventually our date nights fizzled out.  

I was on the mower at 7 am this morning, it wasn't too hot out seemed less humid.  I got the back done tomorrow I may or may not tackle the front.  We shall see.  I used the riding mower of course, there is no way I'd want to use the push mower in the humidity...could easily over heat myself, altho it is a self propelled, it sometimes drags me...lol it makes me walk about twice my normal step so quite a workout!!  

If I should trip I think it could drag me around the yard.  (yes please do imagine me being dragged how comical is that...HaHa) No really I encourage you to do that conjure up that imagine, me, grey hair floppy hat, those cheap crocs on my feet, in baggy short and then imagine me being dragged behind a push mower out of control...LOL NOW you used your imagination and that is what makes the world go around then imagine I let go of the mower and when you release that bar it stops moving.  How good does it feel to use your imagination?

The riding mower I currently have is about 4 or 5 yrs old I lost track! I recall the very first riding mower we had was one I bartered for way back in 1980.  I used to share by Upholstery space with an up and coming Plumbing business.  Neither of us had  been in business too long, I started mine in 1977 officially and he started his in 1979.  He was from TX and had been in the air force for 6 yrs, and he was a pilot he would fly over my house on weekends and buzz my homestead then ask me on Monday if I heard or saw him...lol And Yes I did!
We both rented space from another small business a Pest Control outfit family owned and run.  The 3 of us in one old garage building on the corner of York and Mill streets and on the south side of York at that. 

So Jim who was the plumber wanted to have his lazy boy recliner reupholstered but he really didn't have the cash...so he had me come to look at it, and I gave him a price but he frowned and said, "can you do it for less"...So I saw he had an old Craftsman riding mower in his garage, "does this run?"
"Yes, it may need a new battery" so I said if you can get it started I will do your chair in trade for the mower," 

We shook on it , and that mower served us well for many years, altho I think he got more years out of his lazy boy.

Yesterday I watched some of Gregg Braden on YouTube, if you don't know Gregg's work, you may enjoy it.  He is an author and public speaker and his focus is on our connection to the Planet we live on! He pours over Ancient scripts, and over research done by all different types of scientists he has a Degree in Geology...but the way I found him was my fascination of how TIME is not just the ticking of a clock and my MOM read many of his books, yes she turned me onto Gregg. My mom was a  very deep thinker and she passed that curiosity onto me....yesterday in this  youtube seminar   he brought up some things I have always felt to be true... 

My Mom believed in Creation, I'm Agnostic, soooo.... in school they wanted us to mix that in with Evolution and I wasn't completely on board with that either....due to the missing link!  So now that the DNA has been sequenced and the Helix discovered, there is Scientific evidence that we do not have the same genomes as the animals we are said to come from not even Neanderthals he said the MHF or Modern Human Form was on this planet 220,000 yrs ago!  

We "suddenly appeared" in the same form we are in today...he said some did interbreed if you will with Neanderthals, and if you have your DNA traced  you may have some Neanderthal in  you but not everyone does!  I always find his ideas to be fascinating..yesterday he also shared this: something you don't hear in the mainstream media...Elon Musk has this  new technology called Neurolink. This means you could interface with a computer with your brain, this chip is inserted in your brain and...the rest is science fiction....NOT.... they already have this chip and it is being tested...

OK fine but then there is that highway and it travels both ways NO THANK YOU! I will continue to use the old fashioned method.  AND, AI  Artificial Intelligence, is the next big wave of things for us to either fear or embrace, I fear it personally.

Did you know that a robot named Sofia became a citizen of Saudi Arabia in 2017?? So now I can imagine humans mating with robots and then it's pretty much over with from there...GREGG has some mind bending info in this seminar, I would encourage you to open your mind to SOME of what he is saying as he is saying we already have the ability to do anything that we use machines for, we have only forgotten how to tap into our old knowledge, due to when our "inventions" evolve, we stop using that part of our ability and our connection to the Planet and the world of nature.

We depend on our unsustainable inventions to do everything for us. Think back to before the time of FIRE..if you could not strike a match or use a butane lighter how would you make fire? The old way is more sustainable but let us say you can't even find 2 sticks to rub together or even a flint and pyrite..then what?? the Creation of Fire may not be sustainable.  Wrap your mind around that just a simple thing like fire very important to our survival as a species unobtainable.

My sister saw this movie, Quest for Fire.  It was about ancient man and the need to have fire, for that changes a drab cold life to one of more warmth and comfort and the ability to cook food...but they had to find fire in nature and keep that Flame alive, they kept that one flame going...but in a war with Neanderthals they lost their flame and this story is about how they sent 3 warriors out to find a new flame and bring it back it was released in 1982...I think It would be fun to watch.  So how would you make fire if you had no way of making it...ahhh got you thinking how wonderful does that feel?
If you find yourself needing a new Guru to follow give Gregg a try. 

Personally I can't wait till they  clone the Woolly Mammoth...I really would like to see one. I can hear the arguments now..."it should be in a zoo." "NO I want to see it graze free on the plains of the West, like it was intended to do", wonder how them Wyoming ranchers will go for that HAHAHA..public land: this land is our land this land is your land, NOT as long as people keep eating cattle, wonder if Woolly Mammoth taste like chicken?  There you go using your imagination again,
You're Welcome!



Jimmy's Beautiful Blue Eyes! Wisdom is in there.

Doomsday Prepping?

hat happened to the canned food inventory
On the shelves of the stores I shop in?  I have not been in Walmart since March 22 when I had to get my one prescription refill.  I don't know exactly how I will manage it the next time maybe they have curbside pick up I have no clue.  My reason for not going to WM is this...when everything closed up I realized if the smaller grocery stores in my area close up due to no one shopping there all we will have is WM. and that creates a major problem when you have only one choice!  A small town not too far away had the one Walmart close down after they had closed down all the competition so now it's a food desert!!

Since I've decided to continue with my doomsday prep today I made a run for canned goods at my local IGA.  It's not hoarding when it's 2 cans of green beans, and 2 of carrots, and 2 of peas, is it? My little pantry is only a free standing cabinet it has 3 shelves inside of about a foot square each I can stack cans 3 high tho and I do...the thing I really don't want to run out of is coffee so I bought 3 containers of that.  I noticed the shelves were full of toilet paper! LoL..sure can't eat that!

So I bought one pack...it has 12 rolls no smaller quantities were available.  I had one conversation both of us masked like the lone ranger, but I think we got to within 3 ft of each other...she wants US to pray for it all to end..I'm thinking accept we are doomed...So there is room for movement on either end of that ideology. 

I was at 6:30 this morning with my walking shoes on, walking stick in hand, and down the sandy road for my walk. It takes me 45 minutes to go to the "stop sign" and back...when I go "around the block" it's also a sandy dirt road but only a 32 minute loop around.  I have  sandy dirt road in every direction of my home.  There is at least 4 barking dogs I will encounter if I go around the block, I don't think the owners will appreciate my 6:30 am wake up call so if I  walk  before 8am I go to the stop sign.  Not one car this morning...not even the jerk newest neighbor who leaves for work every day at 7 but this morning he didn't leave till 7:30!

He and I do not see eye to eye.  He has lived  here since August of 2019..I have owned this property for 44 yrs!  Story goes like this:  Old neighbor, who had lived there long time, I sold 2 acres of my land to..when I had to accumulate  money to settle the divorce and keep this homestead in the family.  So that didn't sit well with me, it was bitter sweet. I had regrets, buyer promised me he only wanted the land for a wooded buffer for his own property...4 yrs later I went on an extended trip came back and he had logged the 2 acres it lay in ruins!! Then he stuck up a for sale sign and bam it was sold! His home, his 4 acres and my 2 acres.

So the new guy has no clue about this history of the 2 acres Im sure...he buys this tractor and starts pushing around debris and burning smokey piles of pine each day and it stinks and the smoke always seem to blow in my direction, a smokey reminder of a bad decision.  During an especially rainy month a large pool of water collected along my southern boundary with the dirt road and one night I heard this noise of machinery working at the end of my driveway.  I look out and see headlights of some sort of craft. It's pitch dark and rain is coming down!

Grabbed my flashlight and out the back door under my umbrella, got to the end of my driveway and there is the new guy on his shiny orange tractor scooping up huge piles of watery sand and pushing against the road edges, I screamed over the sound of the engine and the pounding rain "what the hell are you doing, get the hell outta there."  He responded but for the life of me, I couldn't hear what he said but he left...he didn't turn off the engine and try to converse with me, he high tailed it as we say here. 

So I told my son, who was living with me at the time but was at work when that happened...and a couple days later I'm not home but my son is he hears a motor running he goes out and sees same guy now digging these big trenches from the road onto my property! Like he is trying to drain this big mud puddle...NOW we all know this mud puddle comes and goes it has never been an issue...BUT story is his daughter got stuck in this puddle.  Sooooo....comes with the territory you don't wanna get stuck  then don't buy a home on a DIRT ROAD! 

two things, ok 4 things...
1. He has no clue where the water, phone, and electric lines are buried and they are right in the area he was digging. 
2. In this State we have a "call before you dig" regulation or you're gonna pay for any damage you do. 
3. This is a county maintained road. 
4. WTF? let me go down with a tractor and do some work at the end of his driveway and see if he thinks thats a good idea!! ?????

So my son says,  WTF "Get the hell outta here, you are not supposed to be doing this," and the guy raises the bucket of his machine and comes at my son with it, My son keeps a baseball bat in his car...and he grabbed it...came out and told guy "I told you to leave" and the guy left after some choice not so nice words, and my son called the sheriff's office.  Deputy came out and heard my son's side of the story and then drove down the road  to speak to the new guy...told new guy his tractor is not to be used outside his OWN property...and then came back and told my son BASEBALL BAT should stay in your car..

OK problem solved? NOPE ...so then this man who drives a very noisy old Mustang that he envisions as some type hot rod and  has illegal mufflers on it, comes past my house every morning on his way to work and as he gets to my driveway he puts the car in neutral and races the motor very loudly it sounds like a sonic blast and creates this backfire...At first I didn't know what it was then I figured it out... he is harassing me!!

So one morning I was out putting a letter in my mailbox when he drove by and I gave him a look of daggers and glared at him till he was out of sight...and since then no more motor racing.  My next move was going to be to meet him  at the end of my driveway with my video camera and then go to see sheriff again. NOW he has a for sale sign at the end of his driveway I can only hope if he sells it won't be someone Worse than he is..and that is a very real possibility
I am a blue dot in a red sea politically speaking.  

click to enlarge

Last night I watched as my resident doe came to snack on the grass in my field and then bedded herself down she is soooo cute I wanted to run out and join her hug her neck and just cuddle with her but of course you know how that would have played out..then after I returned from my "doomsday" shopping trip she was in my back yard snacking grape vine leaves ...I didn't even know deer would eat those leaves.  I sure need some help trying to keep those vines in check.


SO I don't know how this pandemic is going to pan out but I know there is not one cure for one virus since the beginning of time so I don't see a cure happening, and if Trump wins the election we can all kiss it goodbye, as his policy and plan is to hide the truth and honestly I think  he would purposely tell people to take some " off the wall cure" that he knows is deadly!! That's what an insane monster he is.  And now the news is the antibodies don't protect us, we can be infected over and over.

Hot predicted again for today heat index will be 103...so Im finished with my outside chores did my plant watering after my walk and I have some mowing I need to do but maybe tomorrow on that. 
I see I have 3 hummingbirds now one must be the product of this years nesting season...My mom loved to watch hummingbirds. *sigh*

My fridge made ice, Hallelujah, because I was ready to hit the "buy it now" on a new one via the Lowes website.  They have free delivery and for an additional $30 bucks they take the old one away.  My fridge is a hand me down and it's quite old...it's a 21 cf Frigidaire brand. and really I don't need one this big, but free is free.  I would like to go all the way down to 13 cf..but they don't have one in white for that size I have to go up to 18cf.  So I added it to my wish list on Lowes so if mine dies outright I will just have to buy new...I thought of buying used but then if it goes kerplunk then what? There is no reputable repair service here.

SO I pulled the fridge out vacuumed all the dust off the coils and maybe that helped? All I know is now the water finally froze and everything seems okay *knock on good Wood* Just got a text from my cell phone provider..
"we are now a member of the T-Mobile team" 
Hip Hip omg...and the dogs ran out the doggie door they hate text messages.

New Idea?

ednesday

Something I've been tossing around in my mind for a while is a daily blog.  I have neglected Writtin's for a few reasons.  It was supposed to be my think tank....a place to brainstorm...etc.
My center has been off kilter for a couple years now due in most to all those Moments in the post that I hit publish on prior to this one, I wrote that post back in March of this year and just published it today simply because I can see how society is going south and I think having a record of that may be of help of course once the internet goes down we will all lose our Writtin's. Am I a doomsday prepper? No not really but a little common sense goes a long way. I can't afford a therapist so I will self analyze.  

 So a daily blog..That is how my old Yahoo! blog was way back in the dawn of blogging.  I have nothing of true value to share with society.  No great diamonds  or pearls for that matter of wisdom..all I have is this one simple life and suddenly lots of free time on my hands, Covid + 100 degree heat= at home inside. 

This is how my day went I will try to be as transparent as possible..a good honest look at life on my homestead, sometimes I will have a photo to share sometimes not..it's just me and my 2 dogs ---I almost typed 3 *sigh*
So I normally wake up when my eyes open.  This morning instead of seeing 6:30 or 7:00 I see 9:30!! WHAT ??
The dogs are impatient by my bed rightly so since they get their daily breakfast right after I make morning coffee. 
Yesterday I dragged my 100 lb propane tank  out into the yard because I had decided since the Zombie apocalypse could happen at any given moment and supplies may not last, that I should get my winter propane NOW.  I have 3 tanks 2) 20 lb and this big 100 lb. I won't lie and say it was an easy thing to do...I have one of those hand trucks so I rolled it to the van I put the cargo carrier on back to carry it easier than hooking up the trailer.  So I tilted it on the tray pretty easy tied it up like a silk spider on steroids and then
headed off to town after I showered and put on dry clothes!! Think 70% humidity + exertion = water.
I had one other horrid thing  happen I will explain down below...:o((

So by 11:30 ish I was outside taking my time driving to town using the "back way" as much as possible to avoid those people...you know the ones...I normally Brake very hard and that does one of 2 things. 
1. They back off   or
2. They pass me.
Either way I get them off my tail! Despise tailgaters. 

I normally get my propane at Tractor Supply but it's a longer drive and I know at ACE hardware he can fill it while it's on the carrier. Tractor supply's propane filling station is all fenced in...So I go ACE.
$53 later and Im back home faced with unloading it now it's literally 100 lbs.  of dead weight. 
I back up to a slight hill in my yard...so that means It's only inches to get it off the carrier not 18" And with dragging some rolling and lots of grunting it's on the ground, I have one nice sized bruise for my trouble. 
I use the hand truck to roll it across the yard and wiggle it back in position..
By the way the guy at Ace told me they are already having delivery problems so soon I plan to take the 20lb ones in to be filled JIC. I will take them to Tractor Supply to save money. 
Back inside, 2nd SHOWER ---> drenched after wrestling that tank in place. 

Had a snack and the dogs are sleeping in the ac in the living room.  It's by no means cool in here...my inside temp is 78! I watched Chrome Valdez's Youtube release Vancity Vanlife he is my fav to watch and he has been doing a slow northern crawl from Vancouver to explore more of his province of British Columbia, HE has seen so much wildlife and today he showed us a WOLF...just amazing...along with fox, black bear, bison, he is on the Alaska Highway so if this virus ever lets us be free again I want to do that Alaska Highway.
I should of been in CO right now...but all my plans were smashed with the shut down. 
Read the daily emails I get from my sisters, they are together today going to photograph a cemetery in a small town north of them.  It's hot there too so I hope they take breaks it's easy to overtax yourself in summer heat.  Next week they drive to Denver to see if Jimmy can have eye surgery..Poor guy diagnosed with diabetes and has gone almost blind.  He takes insulin and my sis has done a super job of keeping him as healthy as possible.  Back in 2003 or 2004 our dog Dixie who was living with my x husband went blind she was also diabetic, and she regained her sight after surgery at the University of Charleston Vet Hospital.  We don't know  if Jimmy will be a candidate for the surgery but we are hopeful that's next Week...cross your fingers.  I will be donating money to that cause. 

On that note:::
Horrible....I found an almost dead bird on my feeder yesterday a female house finch..it was about 7 pm when I went out to water my garden pots...I walked right up to her and picked her up not a good sign.
She had that conjunctivitis and was blind. I have had 100% success with treating birds that have this in the past I lost count of how many I was able to nurse back to complete health...20 or 25...so I set her up in infirmary treated her eyes and she settled pretty quick, I checked later she had found the seed I put in to eat, and the water also, last night before bedtime about 10 pm I checked her she was sitting on the roosting pole, but when I got up rather late this morning I checked her first thing she was dead in the bottom of the cage. 
Depressed is how I feel now.  Why, what went wrong? This is the very first one to die.  I had one Hummingbird die in my care during rehab back in the 1990's and  he had been found stuck to one of those fly paper things that people hang...So all day I can not shake this feeling of utter failure.
Death enters my life yet again.  Im so tired of that. 

I always have lots of things rolling around in my mind so Im sure it will be pretty easy to to have an entry.  Bad grammar and incorrect sentence structure off the wall punctuation will be the norm. 

Milestones...

hen we think about life and the entirety of it, it seems so short this is why we must reflect on the moments...that is where the reality is.  Our  milestones show us how short it really is:
I am one of 3 kids, I lost my dad at age 11 to alcoholism, he was 53,  graduated high school and left home at age 16,   married at  21,  opened my business at age 22,  found my beloved horse Sundance when I was 23,  gave birth to my son at age 28, found my best friend at 34, lost my beloved Sundance at age 44,  Son graduated high school I was 46 yrs old,  closed my business age 47 and moved to NYC watched Twin Towers fall to the ground that same year, became a Paramedic at 48, my son graduated college I was 52, moved back to SC at 54 to help my Mom,  helped elect the first Black POTUS at 56,  I became a grandmother at 58, x divorced me at 59, forced to retire at age 60, lost my best friend at 63, had to take my son in when his life imploded at 65,  Now he barely speaks to me, lost my  x Husband at age 65 and 1/2,   lost my beloved Mother at 66, and lost my sweet sweet love Casey just a couple months ago....
I see a pattern in this...each gain followed by a huge and mostly tragic loss.   And as I try to make sense of it all I stream into the future on a river of tears, and I wake  every single day wondering what loss is coming my way and will I be able to continue to breathe? 
 

Life happens are we listening...

Since I got my old PC running again it's been amazing to open up that time capsule! I'm reading old blog posts the few I was able to save in Word files when 3 of the blog platforms I used closed down, 2005-2006 time frame.  I can see my writing style changed a LOT!  In fact I like my old style better.  I covered everything from the mundane to technical, from the private and personal to the political and religious even.  I think one thing that happened is back when I was supporting Obama for President, many of the people in the circle I had been blogging with were on the other side of that fence and I lost like 12 blog friends in the course of 2 weeks! I believe in fear of that happening to me again I decided to play it safe.  

I started to blog a photo some captions under photos, the artwork I was involved in at that time, etc...but the part I started to leave out was MY LIFE!  Each of us now a-days suffers from ADD.  It will be darned hard for most to even make it through this post. 

One thing I can say about my state of mind back then; I was determined!!   That is how I still am today.  I'm def more mellow and have very few needs not being satisfied, although I live a meager lifestyle.  The last year I was in NYC my job had really started to eat at me, and I still have PTSD and probably always will have...it was not all bad but the bad ones seem to hang around more in the corners of my mind than the good ones. I'm talking about experiences.  Sometimes I squeeze my head between my hands in a effort to forget.

On my last week in NYC before the move back to SC my last day working as a Paramedic was on my birthday the 29th...and the next day I made this post on My Space Blog:

Sept 30, 2006

Dear Blog Family, 

By the time you read this Ill be gone...I’ve always wanted to begin a letter that way, well I did once upon a time and you will all read that if you read my book Before Life Got Complicated.  I know that my life is getting ready to change again...I don’t have all the answers.  I came to New York City in search of something.

Many questions were answered while I was here...and some dreams...look at me soon to be a published author...I lived in my own little shoebox by the sea...I witnessed history in the making, I felt the terror, saw the pain, and tried to help. I became an EMT then a Paramedic...I’ve watched as people died, and I’ve seen infants born, and I've seen infants die. I saw some that I prayed they would die and be out of the miserable life they were trapped in.  

I witnessed suffering, seen Kings, and I’ve been a part of it all. New York is a vibrant place; its alive in a way I can't explain to you...you have to see it for yourself, feel it for yourself...and experience it for yourself. But until you live there you really don't know New York City.  You might visit, but you have to know the daily heart beat of the city to really understand.  From Brooklyn, to Astoria, Washington Heights to Harlem, Sheepshead Bay to Bay Shore, City Island to Roosevelt Island, from East New York to Pelham Bay Park to the Bronx to Central Park West, the  East Side, Alphabet City, West Side Drive , Upper, Lower, Midtown Manhattan...its a beautiful place full of beautiful determined people. 

When I arrived here I didn't know uptown from down, now I know NYC like the back of my hand.  I can tell you how to go local, which train to take, what bus to connect, what highway to take if you have a fast car...and if you want to walk I know all the street names and what corners to take you where you want to go...I’ve eaten in fine restaurants and I’ve struggled to eat take out rice n beans while flying down 5th Ave, lights and sirens blasting, and hoping I can scarf this food down before we arrive and have to jump out and once again try to help someone on the worst day of their lives. You have to learn how to disconnect. Tunnel vision helps keep you sane.

Some days it was almost more than I could bear, I broke down and sobbed in anger, disgust, desperation and yet in the end I made it. I survived a broken heart,  anger like you've never felt,  suppressed the urge to murder, and I’ve survived a job that takes lives daily.  I survived on my own. I went to work everyday missed only 2 days of work due to sickness in 5 1/2 years. I went back to school and worked my ass off for one year solid, putting in 72 hour weeks every week, and sometimes I staggered home looking like a drunk, cause I was so tired I couldn’t walk straight after pulling a double and going to class...and YET I did it! If you can make it here you can make it anywhere...and that is true!

This is a city of immigrants and opportunity.  The people here are the most tenacious in the whole world...they will not be outdone, they will not be ignored, and they will never give up! Just the other day I saw 2 men walking on the side of the street each one carrying a piece of 3/4" thick plywood, a full sheet! When is the last time you carried a sheet of heavy plywood a couple miles?  Do you know how hard that is???  They had been to Home Depot in Brooklyn and had no way to get that plywood home, so they were carrying it. It wouldn't fit in my little hooptie or I'd have stopped. That reminded me of a time back in my childhood when my Mom was raising 3 kids and had no car of her own...she went to the grocery store and had ended up with 3 bags of groceries, she could only carry 2 so she hid one behind a bush in the park, and prayed it would still be there when she came back to get it as she knew we had to have that food.  I did stop many times and gave people rides in my time here; not mentioning the almost nightly rides of co-workers to the train.

 I’ve seen people struggle and work 3 jobs just to make ends meet.   I had 2 myself for a while, I’ve seen others sit on their ass and do nothing but have babies they didn’t want and couldn't feed.  I’ve seen families show affection for each other in public. They practice their religions.  I’ve seen them fight and bring blood...I’ve seen riots, I marched in  Peace Rallies, and been delayed while the Critical Mass cyclists held up rush hour in Union Square for their cause. I attended the St. Patrick's Day Parade, the New Years Eve Ball Drop,  the Gay Pride Parade, the 9th Annual Lesbian Parade, Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, Poodle Parades, and walked in Protest Marches while cops in riot gear dared us to get out of hand.  I attended street festivals, Broadway and off Broadway plays, summer concerts in Central Park and in countless other venues,  and Mass at St Patrick's following 9/11. 

I’ve seen kindness, compassion, and love...I’ve seen incredible cruelty, I’ve seen honesty and loathsome evil people...I’ve seen ultra wealthy and I’ve seen homeless...crack addicts, and alcoholics laying in their own feces on the street while everyone walked around them; when I was off duty sometimes I walked around them too.  I hit the bars, and outside  seen vampires and drag queen's, beggars, artists, and street entertainers. I’ve been on stand by while buildings burnt to the ground, and firefighters came out with heat exhaustion and burns and taken them to the ER. I’ve seen LIFE happen right before my eyes and I've seen life snuffed out as buildings fell to the ground.  I’ve seen the best and the worst of NYC and the people who are NYC and I've been a part of it...sometimes it was good.

Then I’ve screamed WHY WHY WHY.

 I’ve been where you will never want to be, reviving dying addicts while their loved ones cried in the circle of death. Watched as men and women on the floor not breathing suddenly sitting up talking to us within minutes after we saved their addicted body, we could not save their minds.   I've been swallowed in a city of 9 million, I've been lonely as it vomited me out.  I’ve been happy I’ve been afraid, elated..and desperate. I've walked on cloud nine, I’ve known friends and lovers, seen enemies, been in places you wouldn’t dare go and I’ve challenged my right to be there. I’ve turned my back on people, I’ve said yes and I’ve said NO...I’ve carried a knife and been prepared to use it...I’ve been happy and I’ve been destroyed. 

More than anything else I’ve been HERE...I’ve see it, I’ve tasted it, I’ve lived it...yes I did IT!  So the question I was asking myself before I came here on May 7, 2001 has been answered and the answer is,
YES.... THERE IS LIFE OUT THERE, and I found it!

Have a great day bloggers I know I will, cause I'm finally going HOME!!