NIce and cool...

ORKED OUTSIDE TODAY

Felt good to be using muscles again...been such a long hot summer and honestly it is the heat that was making me feel like I was going to die!! I felt great today when I was out working there is no heat or humidity to speak of and it was the perfect fall day...birds all singing, butterflies floating around from flower to flower and the sky an ice blue color..

The main thing I did was made a wire enclosed box to keep my winter broccoli in so the squirrel can't destroy them....I hope they do as good as last season. The taste of fresh off the bush is so amazing.

My Birthday is next week and my sis sent me a card and inside she made a copy of a card Mom had sent to her with a little verse inside that she found somewhere and it was so nice, Mom was always trying to uplift herself and others...I think if she had the chance to have an education she would have made a wonderful inspirational speaker.  She was my hero.   And when I think of my birthday I think of her, the struggle to bring me into the world, but actually I was the only one who she got the good gas with and she went to sleep and woke up with me in her arms HOW easy was that?  I am the middle child and three years later the novelty wore off, and we had lil sis, she became my ward as soon as she could walk.  So my role turned into one of care giver and it seems I rarely got out of that mode. 

The Mobile Vet cancelled their stop for Sunday, I had plans to take my dogs....the next one in Oct 18th...hope that one goes if not I will have to bring them to an in house vet...

Well it's time for Jeopardy and Im invested in this champ so....
LATER!

Yes,

E GET OLD WITHOUT REALIZING IT

My drivers license has to be renewed in 2025, but I have decided to do it soon, probably next month for a couple of reasons.  
My eyesight is getting worse all the time, I want to pass the eye test now and then the license should be good for 10 yrs.  I can still see but it's not good and I can't see how to drive at night anymore!! There is a halo around lights that blinds me. 

We all have to get this thing called a Real ID which is more govt BS but we gotta do it...so I guess I will get a real ID when I go for the new License.  You have to show up with 2 or three forms of Identification,  My sis is at the eye dr today getting a new prescript for her glasses cause she has to renew in Jan for her license.  She has really bad eye sight since 7yrs of age she had scarlet fever or something when she was a kid and I doubt she got treatment for it since our parents were dirt poor  and lived in backwoods Appalachia.  

So the other day when we spoke this is the story she told me about another friend who is a male older than sis, not sure of his exact age, but between 75 and 80 yrs old.  An independent person who manages his own life, etc.  He had gone on a camping trip and on his way home he decided to stop and get his eyes examined while in a bigger town...and get new glasses at one of the exam and glasses in an hour places. BUT instead of that they TOOK his drivers license away from him...and told him he could NOT drive he was legally blind!!  

HE was shocked he had to phone a friend to come get him and drive him home...while a second friend drove his car back home...I have no idea if he can get surgery or treatment for his condition...but what a shock...SO I say don't leave anything to chance these days..

I recall back when my mom was 73 we were in a horrible car accident, she was nearly killed but during the incident she was conscious the entire time until they put her under with drugs to intubate her at the hospital.

Her license was a little over a month left to expire when she got home so I took her up to get it renewed...and they ask you some questions...one of them is, in the past 6 months have you been knocked unconscious, or had a seizure. 

She answered "YES", I immediately said "NO she was not" and the anal woman behind the counter listened to me explain how my mom had been injured but not a head injury she had several broken ribs and sternum and could not breath so she was sedated and put on a ventilator for 10 days...BUT she was not "knocked unconscious".  

BUT then the woman says..."but she answered yes.. She will have to be cleared by a doctor of Neurology before she can renew her license".  I nearly fell over...what???

So we had to contact her doctor to find out how we could get this neurology check up and he made arrangements, and just in case we also got an eye exam so she would be able to pass the eye exam.  

IT was a huge ordeal but we got it done just in time before her license expired...she continued driving till she was 86 yrs old and had hip surgery and could no longer move her right leg quick enough to safely drive.  

Her license expired on her 93rd birthday and we got an official State ID in place of a Driver's License.  She sold her car when she was 90 BUT the last time she drove was in 2011.  I was driving my Chevy Blazer at that time...and I had seen a Van on a used car lot that I really wanted to buy I had stopped in and driven it and one day I decided to make an offer, and he accepted, that's when I bought my van.  So I drove home and got Mom, she drove the Blazer for the first time on her last time driving...and she had no problems at all.  I followed behind her in the van, and made sure no one got too close to her and she drove like a pro.  

She was so proud of herself and I was so proud for her.  We were both very happy that day I got my van and she got to drive one last time. 

I sure hope my sis's exam goes well...she is 72 if they take away her license today she is gonna need to phone a friend...and my other sis is on a road trip  currently in Idaho. 

Be very careful how you answer these questions that we are asked as we get older, I think I would ask "why are you asking me that?" This can give you a hint as to what may be coming next depending on your answer.  I would not want anyone who has seizures driving on the road next to me, but each circumstance is different.   In fact research what kind of questions you may be asked  before you go so you can be prepared to answer. 

Hopefully we all can drive right up the day we can no longer do it safely Mom often told me the thing she missed most was not being able to drive anymore. But she was lucky she had me to take her anywhere she needed or wanted to go. 

At least these days we can order anything we need and have it delivered as long as we can pay for it...so being stuck at home is not as bad as it was back in the day...

Another time another place...

ORLDS APART...

Is how I feel today...I watch a lot of you tube it beats TV reruns and I am not really into Facebook or any of that so I learn alot from You tube when I need to repair something that Im not sure about I go to You tube and I have a channel of my own it's a mix up of DIY projects, and nature and travel videos...I have done some pretty hefty car repairs and put up videos on it...and some people have learned from me, so I consider it a community of sorts. 

I watch a lot of Canadians,,,most of them are Van Dwellers because Vanlife is something I have considered and actually done on extended periods.  If I lived up in Canada where you can still escape summer heat I may enjoy Van Dwelling full time.  I love my home and I've struggled to keep it so selling it to begin Van Life is not something I would consider, if I was 25 yes...but Im getting closer to the end of life and starting over AGAIN is not something I would relish. Part time yes for sure during three seasons at least. 

Some of the You tube vanlifers are city slickers and it shows sometimes when they are out in the back country but the only way to really learn is to experience it for  yourself.   You develop a routine and that is what makes van life work...in my opinion.  You figure out what works for you and you do it.  I've always had dogs with me when I travel as mentioned the one time I was able to get away without dogs was when my sis came in to stay with Mom and she agreed to keep all my dogs!! I was soooo thrilled.  An entire month of travel with no dogs...I slept in, I went to bed early, I hiked, I visited Museums, I didn't have to circle parking lots looking for shade, I didn't have to worry if it took too long for me to get in and out of a grocery store on a resupply run, I was able to actually sit in my chair in camp and watch a sunset.  NO dogs barking when I went to the bathroom.....THIS was the most free feeling I had witnessed in such a long time..

I traveled from SC where I live down to Florida...across the pan handle, down the Gulf Coast of TX and then into the Lower Rio Grande Valley...beach van camping, birding, hiking, relaxing even took a swim in the ocean...then to the Rio Grand Valley I visited all the "World Birding Centers" dogs are not allowed, its hot and tiring lots of walking etc, and no camping unless you want an RV park I didn't so I got a very nice motel room for 3 nights with a pool...it was great to take a cool swim at night after a long day of hiking, birding, and driving in the crazy traffic they have there, without having to walk dogs on tired achy feet. 

I headed West into the hot dry desert stopped at a State Park and took a ranger guided tour of a canyon to a place where natives had lived in a huge alcove and left all sorts of cool rock art, and then I headed South to Big Bend.   Even tho I did this in Spring it was warm too warm for dogs in a van with no  shore power.  From there I drove north into New Mexico and went to Roswell toured museums, went to a movie theater, and visited Carlsbad Caverns, toured the caverns, more van camping days  in the Guadalupe mountains and then finally I turned back toward east and home...

BOY that was a fun trip...I did have a time line so had to get back by a certain date...and then my sis told me, NO Way she'd baby sit Casey again...lol he had a way of stirring up the peace and quiet of an evening with his constant loop of going in and out in his nocturnal way.  It was part of his dementia as old age had taken away his once bright mind and replaced it with weird compulsions. 

Casey and I spent up to 40 days on one trip traveling and van camping all around the USA and Canada.  I have spent 24 day trips with all 3 dogs and 19 day trips with all 3 dogs, and countless short trips with all 3, and a couple weeks with the girls when they were younger...we would hike mountain trails to waterfalls. It makes me sad to recall how quick and able we all were, now Casey is gone 18 month ago, and the girls have slowed so much and are facing huge challenges, and I am not too spry either...

Comparing life then to life now....well it's World's Apart. And then there was the trip when I took Mom with all her Senior AIDES, and 3 dogs across country of course we had to stay in Motels, because Mom could not do van camping, so when we would arrive I had to get us registered, get her into the room then bring in the dogs, then her oxygen machine,  potty chair, walker, and then all our luggage, the food and gear for the 3 dogs, and then I had to go find a close by take out spot to get us some dinner to bring back it was a 4 ring circus for sure...BUT I would do again if I could.

One trip I took her and my elderly aunt Jean up to stay a week with their elderly brother in Indiana....so I had only the girls then it was 2 big dogs, 2 elderly ladies, and all their stuff...LOL and my aunt Jean always questioning me on which roads I was taking, and when we arrived I had to cook and clean for all 3 of them and then walk my dogs 3 or 4 times a day because uncle had no fence around his yard...
I was, to be quite honest, exhausted,  but so happy to give those three siblings that week together in their older years...Mom was 89, her brother was 80, and her sister was 74 and I loved hearing them laugh and tell their stories, while I cooked them 3 meals a day...I did get help with with the prep and the dishes, so they pitched in when they could.

So all those memories came back to me today when I was fitting Floss with some legs "stockings" that I hope will help give her some support on  those back legs.
I remembered chasing her through the corn field by Uncle Frank's  house and she was running full out...she was on the scent of a raccoon or something...

Worlds Apart...

A Lifetime in Trees

HAT HAPPENED TO FALL?

We can never completely put away our shorts in fall and this one is no exception.  Today the storm Eta is bringing us lots of humidity and moisture, rain...drizzle, thunder, downpour we had it all today.. 

I was trying to get the new ceiling in the van, a new headliner...I was able to glue up some of the pieces...meaning I attached the fabric to the frames for the drivers compartment..NOW I have to wait for the good weather to return because I need to have the doors open and it to be cool to work in the van.  Im not going to video the process...I may take some stills it's just too much to try and edit that so I will put together a video of stills maybe of it...Im up in the air about exactly how it will be installed it's such a puzzle fact finding mission. 

I did some sewing had to piece the U shaped trim piece that will mount over the cabin ceiling when it's installed...it goes behind the sun visors so you have an idea of the area Im talking about.  It came out good so hope to mount it without any glitches.  Also covered the luan piece I made to fit as the new ceiling.

This is a photo my sis sent me, she put this memorial on her table to remember Mom's passing.  The 3 Douglas Fir Cones represent us, her 3 children...and that scarf under it was one of Mom's treasures for years and years. 

Mom, 1924-2019

Last night I watched the live stream of the Hospice Memorial Event...My Mom was remembered, and I saw 4 other people I knew who had passed in 2020..One was my 8th grade Science Teacher I really liked him..and one was my wayward friend's brother.  He was still a young man but he had diabetes and I don't think he tried to manage it very well.  He had an amputation about 6 or 7 years ago..became permanently disabled since his job had been driving a truck for the city.  That was sad to see.  She has lost her mother and a brother now.  Very sad, I attended her Mother's funeral, a few years back. 

It was a very touching memorial service...and My sisters got to watch too since it was live streamed.  Each person who attended in person got a tree to plant in honor of their loved one..My Mom memorialized herself, she planted many trees here on this piece of land we live on and they stand in her honor every single day..

One tree I have threatened to cut down, the Magnolia that sheds huge leaves year round..it makes a mess..but it's there, 50 ft tall or more her friend Bennie Mae Johnson gave her that she brought it to work, Mom brought it home and planted it in the front yard...Bennie Mae is buried at the AME church on Pickett Thomas Rd...and the squirrels have buried many of the seeds so now there's baby magnolias all out in the woods of our place. 

There is her Maple tree.  

Remember her best friend who passed, Nettie, she gave mom that little maple sapling many years ago dug it out of her yard, and now it's a mature Maple.  It puts on a beautiful fall display every year.  And it provided a nice branch for a windchime I made.

 There's all the Cedar trees we planted along the front of her yard, in fact we planted so many we ended up sawing a few down they blocked the view....and the Cyprus down the driveway and in the back yard all big trees now...

Alongside the fence is a huge Camelia bush that is now a tree it's in full bloom currently and the American Dogwood we transplanted from the edge of the woods into her backyard its almost fully grown now and blooms in Spring and feeds birds all fall long with berries. 

There is a Water Oak in the front yard she brought from a rental house where my sister lived in town way back in 1978.  Mom was staying with my sister while we were getting her house ready for her to move into...she transplanted that Oak, its now HUGE 60 ft tall Im sure.  

Out in the field , the old the horse pasture, she planted a Mimosa, her friend Pat had given her that one, the deer kept trying to kill it but now it's growing and doing pretty good...Pat is in a crypt almost directly across from Mom, she passed away several years back.. 

She had a huge White Pine tree it died and we had to cut it down about 3 yrs ago.  She brought that one back from a trip we made to NC to attend a horse race.  My husband was a fence judge for Steeplechase Racing,  she went along with us that time.  She pulled it out of the ground and brought it home in her purse. Pine Beetles got it. 

I know the history of every tree and shrub and flower she planted for the most part, it is part of her legacy and her history here on this old  homestead. 
There is the Rhododendrons we brought back from the Blue Ridge Mountains, her Rose of Sharon, the Pampas Grass, Grandma's White Irises, The Orange spotted Tiger Lily and a fussy Peonie that rarely blooms anymore, the Azaleas, the day Lilies, the Daffodils...I know the history of each one.  I know where she first planted them and then if they didn't do well she would move them.  It's a history I should write down somewhere..a permanent place. 

Her beloved African Violet died just after she did, she lovingly tended  it for half a lifetime.  It knew, that plant shared her bedroom  for 40 or so years. She raised and lowered the blind daily giving it the light it loved.  She got it from my dad's half sister Katie,  along with a succulent that I am now the care taker of.  My Aunt Katie is buried in the family plot in TN.  

So many of the potted plants I have are from cuttings Mom and I shared with each other..she loved plants and nature and she nurtured and raised a forest of trees...

So many little bits of her love of nature still here hopefully standing for years to come..Many of the deeds we do, outlive us for many centuries and get passed down through generations...hopefully the seeds we sow are done in love and are all good ones..

My Mom passed away one year ago today as you read this Nov 12.  If tears were diamonds I would be a wealthy woman, and so would my sisters.  We have many wonderful memories of our Mom she was such a joy...And we Loved her truly.
Forever and beyond Mom...forever and beyond. 

Falling...

INDOW INTO the FUTURE...

I believe this will be the last nearly/somewhat/almost but not quite fair election we will have in this country if you don't want to be living in a military state run by a dictator run for your life....you better leave now!  The Republican party is placing Ballot Boxes around Los Angeles that are not official...they will pick up those ballots and possibly open and destroy any that are not for their party...They prey on the weak and non attentive American.  The DA has ordered them to stop but they say they will continue to do it. I believe the GOP has become a terrorist organization bent on over throwing this country and they should be stopped...each Rep leader should be stripped of power and the entire party should be disbanded and revamped it's filled with vile, crooked, criminals.

Also hear this, right now before the election Trump adm gave huge subsidies to the farmers 40% of all farm income is now in form of a handout from the US Govt. That is buying loyalty...I personally think farm subsidies should be stopped!!  IF it's not a viable business why is it being done...they have crop insurance!! WTH???? I don't want to support a failing sector of the economy with my tax dollars. 

The GOP push their new judge into a seat that she does not deserve to sit in...they lied to the American public when they said they would not sit a justice in the last yr of the term...Lindsey pretty much signed his own pink slip with that one...Jamie Harrison raised more money this quarter than any other Democrat candidate running!! GO JAMIE you got my vote.

It's Tuesday and Jimmy goes to Denver for what I hope is his last check up he is doing really well...a great success story so there is the good in this picture.  My son has a job again that is good.  The fall weather will return tomorrow that is good...Im looking for some good news here...I don't have corona virus that is good.  

IM heading over to the cemetery today to remove mom's birthday balloon, I don't want it to blow away so I will put it away till next year it may or may not stay inflated hope it does..

Soon it will be time to put the Christmas wreath sis bought for her last year on her crypt...that is probably the only decorating I will do.  Im not in the mood for all the Materialism that has become Christmas, and it's all about family it's only me and my son he has little interest but we will probably have a meal or something...
Last yr my sis who was still here put on a small Christmas for us, that is the kind I prefer the little tree stood on a table, it was 12 inches tall...and we each opened up a tiny prezzie..and we had a simple meal with a toast to our missing loved ones...that's all it needs to be about.  

Since I can't bring myself to believe Jesus was the son of a God it has never had religious significance to me. It was always been about getting together with family and having a day of laughs and good food and good moods. 

Last night I dreamed I moved! I was living somewhere else...and it felt nice.  This morning I looked at homesteads in New Mexico...a house with no electric no running water on 8 acres $35,000 It was in the desert how could you live in there with no AC if I go off grid it has to be at least  8,000 ft to be cool in summer.  I'll keep looking.  

I feel oddly out of sorts mentally today.  I can't put my finger on it, but I feel unsettled I think this election has me questioning my own believe system, the rules I was raised to support and believe in are being tromped to death...it makes one question ,"okay if that's all hogwash now then what am I  supposed to think or feel."  Most of my extended family in TN, MI, and IN support the other side...they are trapped in a time machine that quit moving in 1865. 

 I got in mine and blasted myself into the future...me and my 3 sisters..NO wonder my Mom was so Happy to get out of TN and when she left she told my Dad Im not leaving here you go where you want but this is my home now.  I guess she felt free to be away from that oppressiveness, it is a real feeling when you think you're rights are being manipulated by people who are the exact opposite  of  who you are.  Very helpless feeling. 

Im sure if we had a huge anti GOP demonstration Trump would use F-15's to fry  us on the spot...I mean look at the violence the small protests of the summer caused.  We are watching the fall of a democracy.  It makes me feel really sad and very deflated.  

Well I'm just one person who has no power and my life will soon come to an end...I hope there is some connection to the afterworld cause I want to know...

Many indigenous people believe there is a civilization of humans living below ground...maybe that is where the souls go when we put our loved one beneath the soil..

Friday 13th goblins!

e peel the onion...and shed our tears...
Today was Friday 13th! I think know I am superstitious more so than most. I knock on wood, it has to be good wood my favorite is Maple..and If a black cat crosses my path I will curse aloud and it leaves me visibly shaken! Bad things always come in 3's...and I watch for the evil goblins to make things go bad on Friday 13th, just to name a few of my weird and strange idiosyncrasies.. 
My mom is 91 and losing her memory, it has not been slowly coming on it came on like a freight train...very rapid! At first it did only affect parts of her memory like repeating things she had told me over to me again and then again...but now its affecting all her thoughts... she can't remember how to do simple things like the laundry...its as if her thoughts are incomplete...she will declare she understands and at that moment she does...then seconds later she will have no memory of what we just discussed.

The problem is I fall into the trap of taking for granted she is understanding...like today we had a shopping trip to do I really NO longer enjoy taking my mom on shopping trips and these days shopping for our household means groceries and basic necessaries.  We don't really bother with much else..

On the way she found a $100 dollar bill in her wallet she thought it was a $10. SO I told her she should have just left that at home...but she said that is her lucky $100 bill...okay I understand Lucky and Unlucky! :o) so she tucked it into a secret flap in her wallet. 

So Mom wanted to go into Roses its a small discount store right next door to the grocery store so I got her a cart, took her inside the store and she reassured me she was fine I should go on and do the grocery shopping while she browsed inside the discount store...I kept saying are you sure, "Yes Im fine, I will wait right here for you to come get me when you finish." 
So I shopped and put the groceries in the van, and headed to Roses...I went in and she was right by the door waiting..I could tell something was wrong instantly..

"I've lost my pocketbook"! I don't even know if I had it with me when I came in here." She did cause I made sure it was in her cart...
So I asked where she was when you realized she didn't have it?
She was at the check out and when she went to get her wallet her purse was gone.  So I said let me ask if a purse has been found, cashier said nope..so then I tried to help her retrace her path...she had gone to the bathroom.  That's the first place I checked no bag...then I went back to where she waited and one of the store employees asked if I had lost a bag since one was turned into the office...
It was found in the ladies room....

Every thing was inside, but poor mom was so shaken she could barely stand up all she could think of was her $100 dollar bill!!

So that was probably the last trip alone in a store for mom it makes me sad to see the layers of independence being ripped away one by one...

But we decided to blame the Friday 13th Goblins instead!!

Raising Mom

hy do we try to live so long?
My mom is almost 91 I'm almost 62. I've spent the past 8 years trying to help my mom grow old without killing herself. Since that time she has been hospitalized for pneumonia, with a long rehab of over 30 days, her right hip fractured and had to be replaced that was a 65 days ordeal, she has been to the ER on countless trips for breathing problems, heart problems, and then the left hip fractured and we went through yet another hip replacement with a long rehab time... its Dr's almost monthly and dealing with pain daily! She finally lost her ability to walk unaided 4 years ago....she is on oxygen and she takes a ton of medicine for different ailments.

Teaching her how to grow old is not an easy lesson to learn since now her mind is starting to let her down...the change has come suddenly or did we just deny the early signs? She started putting milk (almond milk) in her potato salad recipe...and she cooked the onions and green peppers.  That was a sign... as her recipe is  for non cooked veggies and certainly no milk. 

She insists on still writing 2 checks per month...I pay all the other bills online....and yesterday the electric company called to say she didn't sign the check...if I hadn't witnessed that call she probably would  have forgotten all about it....
I've been telling her to let me write the checks... her writing is so bad you can't read it and she normally rips up 3 or 4 checks to get one ready to be sent I did check that one, but before she signed it, I could read it;  I handed it back for the signature and I guess she didn't; I realize I really can't take anything for granted at this point. 

 I have made out a new one and its ready to mail this morning.
I constantly nag her about being safe..."always have a phone in your walker so you can call if you need help."  I have my cell phone number on a piece of paper in the walker she can't remember how to use the directory buttons on the phone... but she knows how to dial.  If I'm not home she is supposed to call 911...normally I'm within ear shot MOST of the time but not all the time, how can I be?
2 days ago she thought it would be a good idea if she took a walk into the old pasture; she has a sturdy gizmo called a YuGo for walking outside it has large wheels, brakes, 2 handlebars, and a seat for when you need to sit.  Even with this contraption she caught her toe on an exposed root and came down like a ton of brick face down on the dirt path.

I was in the front yard trying to clip the hedges that had overgrown the front steps and I heard her faint call...I thought she was in the house---so I said "what?" Then she basically screamed H E L P..I realized the sound was outside the house and looked to see her flat on the ground just at the gate area...

She is bruised all over has one large skin tear on the right arm I think she tried to catch the gate on the way down and it ripped a hole in  her skin about 2 inches by 2 inches.  Skin tears are almost a daily thing with her.  The hard part was getting her back up on her feet. Thank goodness I have EMS training and part of that training was moving and lifting people.

My back and my abs are so sore from my effort and with the help of unseen forces I lifted her 136 lbs off the ground with my 2 yr post fractured wrists and now they are aching with pain.  I rolled her over onto her back and then helped her get into a sitting position after we had checked and saw no obviously fracture or injury other than the skin tear...after I got her in sitting position I ran to the house for a bandage to put on the arm...I had her to try and calm down while sitting then I told her exactly what I needed her to do so she could get up....I had her spread her legs in hindsight I should have put one foot between her legs and on off to the side, but I had her spread her legs I stood in between them.  I had her lock her arms around my neck as I leaned down, I wrapped both my arms around her waist and I grasped the waist band of her pants in the back with my hands and lifted using my forearms under her arms and I yelled "STAND UP" to encourage her help in any way. The problem came when she clamped her knees to my legs and nearly caused me to fall on top  of her, I was not expecting that!! That's why I say next time one leg outside her legs. 

Hell I don't ever want a next time...This is the 4th time I've had to get my mom up...only once did I have help and that was when I had my right hand in a cast!

I have decided my job as the parent is MUCH harder than her job was as a parent, she raised a child I'm raising an adult..in 8 more yrs I will have given her the same amount of time as being a parent to her as she gave me...as I left home at 16, and honestly my older sister took care of me and I took care of my younger sister so Mom did very little child rearing. 

I have told my 2 sisters I need help so if they don't help me I have no idea whats going to happen, I can't go on not having a life of my own and trying to lift her when she falls or when she cant get up steps...etc.  I am also aging rapidly-her mind is no longer the sturdy trap it was she asks me if I fed the dogs over and over and she obsesses over the dogs in a strange way she has to know what every scratch is for she has to know what room they are in at all times, she has to  know they are fine. 

 I can NOT stop her from falling I can only be there to pick her up and dust her off and let her keep going. She DID NOT have a phone in her walker when she fell so If I had been away in town doing our shopping she would have had to lay on the ground till I returned!! (normally tho when I go out I say YOU are NOT to leave the house, but she has done that before!!) NO ONE else would or does come by we live in a very rural place and no family lives close my sister is over 2 hr drive away and the other is 2,000 miles away!  She was obscured by heavy woods from the sight of the road in front of the house...IF I had been gone on a half day excursion, as I sometimes do, what would have happened to my mom laying there in the dirt on the ground she couldn't even roll over onto her back without my help.  Ants, or no telling what could have gotten on her!

She is constantly "breaking the rules" I've laid out to try and keep her as safe as possible.. she has been up 2 hrs this morning she has yet to put the phone in her walker...IF I don't do it she never thinks of it, yet she says she can live here alone, I want to move back into my own house its 300 ft away from this one...I bought out my X in the divorce, have been working on it for those 3 yrs and now its almost ready to live in only the bathroom remains gutted.  My son was going to rent the house and move in next door I was thrilled cause it meant more hands to help deal with mom...but his job changed and now his workplace is even farther away so no good moving here.

*sigh*... the difference between raising a child and raising a parent is a child learns, the parent does not...I go over the "rules" all the time its like taking to a wall...I can ask her within 5 mins what did I say about her not using the walker, and she won't remember...the memory loss and the A.D.D. is getting worse by the minute.
She is supposed to go to my sisters house for a month leaving tomorrow...I can only hope she will be safe as they are not as aware that they have to remind her of everything over and over not just once and she gets it she never gets it...and they will take for granted that she has her facilities...when she does NOT she was there 2 weeks ago and fell in their office room due to her sitting in a chair that rolls!! SHE knows she can NOT sit in a chair that moves in any way...but she did--and when she tried to get up it rolled away and she fell Lucky my sister was home for lunch from work, as her husband had gone to run errands normally he is home he works from home...

I will of course remind my sister of this and hope she reminds the BIL and hopefully mom will be safe...I need the break and can't let it worry me as my anxiety is through the roof as it is.

This is not a rant or a bag of complaints its my way of debriefing the situation.