Tell me...

HAT'S IT ALL ABOUT...

Just like Alfie, we will all face the music one day...not just in one way but in every way...,Karma yep.  I swear this summer was set up by last summer, 14 days of covid on the couch dying LoL ok I felt like I was dying I didn't but I think the virus has run amuck inside me and it had it's way with me for 12 months then I was ill twice this year with something similar, does it even matter if it was covid?  I didnt have to go to hospital or even a doctor as long as I didnt try to do ANYTHING I was fine, but NOW the weather is getting better and I want to do things...

Where is my energy, my strength, my will to try harder?  Damn it! 
So Ida swept by here yesterday evening gave us one heck of a thunder storm dropped a few trillion buckets of rain then went on up North to have her with the Yankees...hope she is kind to them. 

Yesterday before she hit I went out to tromp around a hot as hell sod farm.  Yes I hang out at sod farms, sewage ponds, and swamps.  Go figure why I have no friends, 
"Hello, yeah friend of mine, will you meet me at the sewage pond, we'll have lunch on the tailboard and then drive over to the right out in the open hot humid sod farm for drinks of tepid water after." 

Yeah right...just imagine that.  So I went to try for photos of the Upland Sandpiper, there was 2 of them there...but it was Tuesday on a sod farm, so there was telehandlers, tractors, semi's, huge sprinkling systems shooting out tons of water, and there was me off on the verge trying like hell to see 2 upland sandpipers who kept getting spooked by trucks, men, and water systems.  The photos sucked pretty much.  I made that ebird list Private as I don't want Give me a Break to review it. Not a new bird for me, but one I haven't had a look at since the 90's and rare for the area...I may go back on Sunday and hope they don't work on Sunday. 

I thought I was gonna die of heatstroke.  I just can't deal with the summer heat anymore.  So today Im trying to recover, I did give both my dogs a bath...Outside, just used the hose and lathered them up and rinsed them down dried them off and they are on the porch waiting to be dry enough to come inside where it is air conditioned and quite cold if you are damp and wet.  

One year ago on the 3rd our family friend who was my mom's bff passed away YES ITS been a year.  I want to go visit her grave and bring her flowers...tomorrow is supposed to be cooler so I plan to go tomorrow if nothing happens and I actually have the energy to make the trip.  

How soon they forget, the Republicans who goaded George W Bush into sending troops in to get even for the 9/11 terror attack on American Soil...they wanted to kill every Afghan in sight...now they are screaming because 20 yrs later they want us to stay, they got mad because we left? I don't get it.  What do they want...for us to go back?  Like I said before it was never a real war...in a real war you know who your enemy is.  We made a lot of mistakes the biggest was making it a war.  "Quilts for the troops, care packages for the troops, bring home our troops,"....what now it's "make our troops stay there so we can send cookies, quilts, and stream life feeds on their birthday?"  

The second biggest mistake is to believe we can build a nation Unite one WHEN WE ARE SO DIVIDED how the hell can we Unite Afghans when the last President we had tried to overthrow US??? Overtake our  government??? And half the fuckin people in this nation want that ????????????????????? And they wonder why we failed in Afghanistan, OMG it makes me want to barf. We went to kill Bin Laden, it took 10 yrs to actually do that...and then we tried to build a country one that was as divided as our own.  This is the same direction we are headed for petes sake...HALF the freaks in this country want to force the other half to live under their religious fantasies.  ITS NO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!! 

This post is all over the place cause I've already been dragged right back into it,,,,,seen the first 9/11 documentary of 2021, so a lot of Crap is coming back to me that I'd like to forget, it's all wrapped up in one neat little putrid bundle, GW Bush who was an idiot, the planes, the towers, the people jumping, the fear, the realization, the death, the marches, the tears, the piles of flowers and missing posters, then the military strikes, the moving on, the years of soldiers losing a leg, losing a life, losing hope...and then we sure as hell didn't win..... did we? 

Now we remember, and yet we learned nothing.  The GOP will welcome the Afghan refugees?  No they will not....we will see how soon they will start to complain about that, they don't want the refugees on our Southern Border, and they will want the Afghan's to stay put in Germany, Spain, Qatar, and Uzbekistan, there was already 2.2 million Afghan refugees in Pakistan, and 3.3 million  more are being forced to leave or live under Taliban rule.  WHERE will they go?  It will become a humanitarian nightmare  really fast.  And when they get here which side will they be on?  OH yes they will have to chose. 

When Biden tries to ask congress for money to help, JUST you wait and see what they say....its okay to spend trillions for war, but it sure wont be okay with them to help Afghan children, women, men, and families start over due to the mess we made. 

7/10

ATCHING SOME SCI-FI

Im done for the day.,

Second day in a row I went out birding and hiking and to heck with the stuff I should be doing.  That stuff can wait...while the sun is out I want to enjoy it.  We had 11 inches of rain since Jan 1 of this year.  That's not counting all the rain we had last fall and in December.  I tried to find that data and never could get a simple answer or find it..

I took off early to Sandhills, well after the frost was off my windshield...reminds me on Saturday when I went to Bear Island, I had to scrape ice off my windshield...well I tried, my scraper is useless...so I must get a new one.  This is the same one I used in NYC so it's old...heck Ive been back 14 years nearly.  

Anyways it was a chilly day I had intended to go to a different place but the wind and the cold changed my mind.  That place you park you car and hit the trails, and I know I was going to need to rewarm often so I changed to Sandhills so I could drive to various areas and get out and walk around till I got cold then warm up and move to another spot..

I mainly stayed in one area, and birded all sides of it...so I did a fair amount of walking.  Had another owl today! At the photo blind, there is a wood duck box and I heard a little coo- sound come out and at first I wasn't sure but my photos showed me a little Screech Owl, the red morph, in there...some vegetation obscured a good look but it def was  in the box with his face sticking right up out the hole.  OWL power, lets see...it's the symbol of Death,,,Great!! Damn. There's 19 species of OWL in North America so some people shoot for the 19 patch. I have seen only six.  I had tried to see the Snowy Owl on a few occasions and dipped each time.  I did not see the Saw Whet or the Spotted when I went to the PNW, that was disappointing.  Because who knows if I will ever be there again...heck Im running out of time.  

It was a fun day I had 33 species of bird.  I jumped from 70 to 94 species so far this year.  Actually above my number by this time last year.  My birding took a hit with Mom's passing and early Spring of last year I found myself suddenly alone with no family and I went thru some very hard times, crying for hours and just not doing well, depressed and grief stricken. 

Even tho I still cry every day it's not all day now it maybe for 10 minutes, or 1/2 hour but Im handling it better now almost 15 months later.  I spend most of my time alone.  My son has not spoken to me in a week...Im taking a break from  his drama but will contact him tomorrow.  He told me, "my issues are not your fault or your problem to fix, so I need you to stop." So in other words he is DNR.  

Today I went into a Dollar General on my way home and EMS was there getting ready to transport a woman who had a seizure in the store.  I can't tell you how many seizure calls I did where the person suddenly seized while in line in a store or while shopping in a store.  I think the stress of shopping brings it on...and the protocols in NYC is you must be transported, many did not like that. I understand if they have the history of seizure disorder...but maybe they need new meds or a different dosage, in time it does become ineffective. Dilantin was the one we saw on most people's med list.  Watching that call brought back lots of memories to me...mostly bad ones.  PTSD is something I still suffer from.  It goes with the job. 

I pushed this birder named Jason Ward. I was impressed with him...and he had a Youtube channel I watched... I was glad when I found him because he is Black.  There is not many black birders out there.  He was leading the way to a whole new experience for many people especially in urban areas where its hard to connect with nature.  THEN I found out today he has been accused of rape. DAMN....that is not good.  Innocent until proven guilty...but he has already been fired from his ABA position.  Im not sure she filed any charges so we will see.  

I will call the deer Tulip, the one who is in my yard almost everyday she has a bad deformity or damage that healed up weird a broken back ankle, and she now walks on her tip toe on that back leg.  I wanted to give her a name and stop calling her the "deformed deer" she is so much more than her deformity...as we all are. 

So today I came down off my high of yesterday from Ten to a solid Seven. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Good start then

IND CHILL...and clouds rolled in later today

Can you sue your country for PTSD and Stress?  I want to.  I will name Donald Trump and co-conspirators the Republican Party,,,,

Today I needed bird seed forgot it yesterday and I had to pay Mom's house property taxes, next month I will pay mine, I split it up to make it easier on the budget...slowly whittling away at this end of the year  how rude of a County to send out TAX bills due in January,,,do you know how many businesses lay off people in January? Retail hire in Oct fire in Jan...

Modern society is set up for the poor to fail, you must be very lucky  and a very good plan to make ends meet these days.  So the laptop has been scanned 3 days now in the same location it did NOT go out today it's sitting in a post office in Columbia,,28 miles away,  why did it go from N ew Hampshire to Miami? Flew right over me,,,I am not happy with Fed Ex they are the worst shipper to use,  One time they had a package of mine sitting in a town 40 miles away because they had no trucks coming this way,,,,SO I said YOU were paid to deliver it...They are always late and they really don't care,  I like UPS better.

So on the way back from the tax office, I stopped at the Park and did a bit of birding while the sun was still out but boy that wind chill was murder went right thru my light duty clothes,,,But I did see some fun birds, and I actually forgot for a few minutes that an evil dark side is trying to overthrow our Democracy,...I think we should all take what money we have out of the bank because this is what Trump wants OUR money,,,he cares little for anything else.  I hope some country will step up to help us get rid of him.  I wrote to our AG and told him what I thought of him adding SC to that list of SHIT eating states that signed that suit by TX to erase the votes that were cast for Biden.  Barr resigned I guess he finally found his line in the sand or got his Pocket Pardon?

I have the fire going early and will do little else this day.  I accidentally stuck my hand in the fire ouch,,,probably have a blister later. We are in for a very cold night!

Soul Search...

RITE IT DOWN...

That's what I do with my pain.  I write it down.  I am still not feeling whole inside, the trauma of yesterday has brought back all kinds of things I try so hard to forget...how can a creature of innocence and peace die in such a traumatic way?

PTSD.  

I question all my beliefs, and I recall all the bad events roll it all into one bad ball and try to roll it over the hill...

Today I drove to a place of refuge and took a 4.5 mile hike.  I inhaled the Goldenrod, I watched the butterflies and bees, I saw the birds and I tried to reconnect my spirit with my flesh.  I heard the call of the frog, as they croaked back n forth keeping track of their locations, then the Heron flies over looking for the frog....

I write it down....

WHY WHY WHY 

Does it matter

Yes it matters to me...

Time does not heal...it simply makes things fade away...