MY Holiday Wish is...

ILL THIS YEAR PLEASE just end..

Just when I thought things may just get better the rug was pretty much pulled out from under me today...more trouble with the Son's life...My life is completely simple and very easy to manage...his is very complicated and he has made it so by not managing his affairs as a mature adult, but with an I don't care attitude you get out what you put in.  There's more to this than I care to share...BUT today was about as bad a day as he or I  could have.  

On top of that it's cold miserable weather, with drizzly rain the kind of day that makes one want to move to Baja...in order to feel warm.  And to top it all off I was not able to split any wood this week due to rain, and my aching back so it's cold and miserable in here...I went out as early as I could but it was already drizzling a cold rain so I was not able to get any wood ready for the fire...it's hovered at 41F and the humidity is 69% trust me a damp cold is the worst kind and inside it's 61.  Very uncomfortable my hands and feet are cold. I think my nose is cold too...Im about ready to eat some dinner it's only going to be frozen fries I placed in the oven...I stopped at Dollar General and got a pack of fig bars, on my way back  home...so I have something sweet...I can't remember the last time I had some sweets! When I feel this depressed I really can't cook cause my brain refuses to function.  

It just shuts down and refuses to think....when I try to think of something good, that no longer works.  I needed something to get my mind out of this place it's in and so I went to a cemetery...I KNOW what you're thinking, but no.  Cemeteries are a place where there is only what was, not what will be.  So I was there to photo a tombstone for my sisters research...and I found it along with 3 others that  a  photo request was open for...hope that will answer some questions for them. Getting answers can make  you feel better...providing answers can make you feel better...it's a positive thing.  When we ask why we want answers. 

If I had a chance to either go forward or go back in time which would I chose?...I think I would chose to go forward, to the day before I die...and then I would think back on the mistakes I made and did not recognize until it was too late...I would rectify all that in my last hours I would give myself the answers I have and then I would know I was unable to live my best life as none of us can do that.  Some of us are given physical issues, some are given mental issues, some are given social issues...and some of us have all of it and it's beyond our control. 

Tomorrow the sun will come out hope it shines in the sky and on me too...I can use it. I just scarfed down 8 fig bars, and now my mouth is glued shut.