Rather be living...

ITH DREAMS

I've had my share of them for sure...Some terrifying moments when you are like frozen and yet you need to run...glad to be awake from those but some you just wish you could enjoy forever...that you might live inside that dream the rest of your life. 

The other morning at exactly 6:01 am  I awoke shouting, "you came back"
Then I burst into a spell of tear laden grief. 

Because  it was only a dream, I saw myself on my back porch curious about a car that had driven up so I peered  out and was shocked. I saw the driver of the car was MY MOM...I was running with arms open she was out of the car standing beside it, and I was screaming "you drove all this way by yourself, you came back," and just as I got to her, right before I got that hug, that embrace, I woke up because I was yelling, "you came back".

Then the tears, the begging, the pleading, but sleep or dream did not return.  And when I got up I realized I was running a fever and I was in fact quite ill.  So for about 3 days I have barely moved from couch to bed.  Today Im better not well but better.  Its a head cold sneezing, sore throat, sinus congestion, pain, and just general malaise.  I will survive to try and make it through another day.  

 I am tired of being alone and I hate being around people...

I'm between worlds.