hen you turn that clock up an hour tonight what do you think about....I get kinda irritated to think I have to change my schedule lose an hour of my Saturday.....and watch my timing in the mornings when getting ready for work..The ONLY good thing about it is, I wont be so hungry when I get off work!! My body will still be on the "old" schedule...for a while. I will probably feel sleepy and grumpy in the mornings, but trying to look on the "bright" side, more birds will be out when I get up..they love to get at the feeders early. I may actually catch a glimpse of a bald eagle flying over the pond that I pass everyday on my drive in, the early Eagle gets the fish right?
Time is something that I wish I could capture and control...imagine that? "If I could put time in a bottle" I think I would make every day Saturday! HA.
I have a dream for my 'golden' yrs...and that makes me think of the other years the ones behind me...and how cool it would have been to have had a plan, a plot to follow to bring my dreams into fruition, I DID but at the time I didnt know that it actually works!! IF ONLY I knew then what I know now...eh? Wouldnt we all love that. I did have a dream, and worked toward it, but I didnt keep my dream in the foreground....little by little I allowed my dreams (life plan) to become second in my life and bit by bit it disappeared as family life steamrolled right over me... not only did I lose touch with my dream I lost touch with who I was, lost feeling for the man I loved, and lost my zeal to keep trying.
I dont blame anyone for the demise of my dreams...but I sure will blame ME if I dont realize the "rest of them". That old saying if I knew then what I know now really comes into play at this point....well I have to take what I know NOW and put it to use. By thinking I had to be all things to all people I made a right mess of things! I know that unfaltering focus is the only way to get to the place one needs to be in life to bring a dream into reality. IM not talking greed or an uncaring heart---but a focus on what you want..first help yourself then you can help others. I didnt, but sure wish I had.
My dream in a nut shell was to have a horse ranch. WE got close...(I married a man who shared the same love of horses as mine) we bought a small place in the country (10 acres)....we worked hard to built it up little by little and at one point we had 4 horses on our little ranch we called Springbrow--
On Saturday mornings we got up early, just after dawn, fed, groomed, and saddled up the horses....after a cup of coffee we set off for at least a two hour trail ride...it was fun, and the climax of our dream. The early morning rise was so great. The sun brightened everything, the birds sang loudly and the scents of a new day was always strong and Earthy as we headed down the driveway and onto the dirt road...then eventually the trails through the woods and fields.
After the ride with the horses taken care of we would cook a hearty breakfast together and eat outside on the spacious screen porch I had built with my own two hands.... later we'd relax the rest of the day, or spend time doing chores around our little ranch, talking about our dreams for the future...
Then a step child moved in with us from his previous marriage, along came a child of our own, school, more responsibility, work, bills, we drifted apart, and the hurricane of family life dragged me along and I lost the focus of my dream...we lost the focus of OUR dream....as I/we lost focus the dream began to fade...one by one the horses disappeared until the last one passed away in 1996. Then the fences grew old, rusted, and sagged, the roof of the barn rotted and fell in, the children left home and we had grown old and fell silent...nothing remained of our original dream we had nothing in common, and we separated after 26 yrs of marriage, and now we are finally divorcing and selling the place....our beloved little ranch, he wants the money, I want the land, but have no money to buy him out and dont wish to sacrifice my future to save a piece of the past....soooooo...
that dream was realized, burned brightly for a while, and then it went dark---my new dream is to retire at least 2 yrs early and travel. I have purchased a van (its kinda old but Im hopefull) and God willing, I hope to travel slowwwwly and discover America up close and personal....I must focus to make every day "Saturday"!!
hen your brain gets in a fog what do you do? Does it scare you, you start to believe its early dementia, its the precursor to a mental breakdown...today my mind is so unfocused I can barely put one foot in front of the other....well honestly what is really going on is MY brain is in overthink...you know how your subconscious mind normally takes over and you dont think about walking, about moving your arms, about seeing with your eyes, about why you opened a book, about what the phone ringing means...because those things are normally taken care of WITHOUT your conscious thought process having to do anything. Ive decided my subconscious is busy with some very important details and so its giving more responsibility to ME for a little while....maybe its plotting my future?
The truth is when we overload out thought processes with all those little inner 'worries' we are bothering our subconscious and stressing it forcing it to take on extra duties and so it cant just go on auto pilot, it has to come out of "hiding" to help our conscious mind take care of things...and then IT needs to shut down and refresh...so I believe thats what's happened!!
So in reality its my Subconscious Mind that is taking a vacation...and on days such as this I have to think about everything...
Me...."why did I open this book?"
My subconscious ......"You were going to look up the information about the research project you are working on."
Me...."Oh yeah, exactly." and so it goes..
Me..."why did I walk into this room?"
My Subconsious..."You are going outside so put your shoes on..."
Me..."oh yeah Im looking for my shoes."
There are really two Me's one who is active and who is subliminally active...She oversees what im doing but she doesnt bother to tell me why cause thats her JOB..but today she took the day off. What is she doing thats so important she has left ME hanging?? NO she is there telling my heart to pump, my lungs to breath what has happened is I AM not in contact with HER. I've allowed the troubles of things beyond my control to invade our well being...and so it is that now she has disconnected in order to get the outer me back into alignment with the inner me.
The fog has not lifted and it's been 2 days now..I have to return to work tomorrow and so I hope she wakes up and comes with me or IM SCREWED!! Without her I dont know if I can drive my car, interact properly in society, remember how to do my job, or go about my normal day.
The "universal secret" is to allow your subconscious to take over the hum drum of daily living so you can unleash your imagination to create the reality you require and desire! I've known this my whole life. As a child I wanted a horse somuch that it was all I thought about...in my mind I had one, he was beautiful, he was so strong and awesome we ran around all the time together, he rode the school bus with me, he went to bed with me, he was WITH me at all times....and even tho I was born into a very poor family that barely had money to buy food to eat, by age 12, I HAD 3 horses!!!! A way was provided, I didnt have to create the means, I just had to create & believe in the DREAM, the Universe created the means...I had to allow it to happen.
This is the mistake we make so many times we try to control everything, even things that are out of our control...(Like the divorce and property settlement Im currently going through) we get on a plane, we imagine ourselves as being the pilot of the plane...we cant allow the pilot who has the education, the training, the know how to take the controls we have to try and do it ourselves...SO maybe now we know why some planes DONT make it to their destinations---someone else on the plane may have been even more nuerotic about that pilots expertise than you or I!!
I may not get everything I believe I WANT, so what? Maybe if I did it would create a vortex of "other stuff" & I will spin myself in a direction that is contrary to what I REALLY (subconsiously) want for myself...which is freedom, mobility, a carefree life, without bonds and strings.
I do believe we are who/what we think we are...if I can get past the expectations of others or what I believe to be those expectations, then I can become who I want to be by using thoughts to create the reality and the universe to create the means...if only I allow it to happen, let go of the controls and allow the Universe to do it for me...SO i need to put myself on autopilot and then the Universe can take me to the reality I have created for myself with my thought process.
Although I have trouble defaulting to this 100% of the time I keep reminding myself its the true path to a contented life filled with peace and love!!
So in comparrison maybe this is why humanity seems lost, we have disconnected from our subconscious self, the underlying current of Mother Earth as we force a unrealistic reality on the entities of the planet that is not beneficial to all this path wont bring us the content and happy natural state of mind and being that we seek and so we are in a fog....when you stop interacting with a false reality you open the door to the invisible integration of you and the universal law or action and reaction.
WHY is it when we give up looking that we find what it is we are looking for? Maybe its simply because we allowed the results we have been seeking to finally come through.
