Happily Ever After Marriage-

hat makes me happy?  Can I figure out what makes me happy?  Maybe by a process of elimination--take away what makes me unhappy and I should be left in a puddle of bliss, right?  That makes sense to me! So if I take away the things that make me unhappy whats left over is the happy-

All I know is for the most part I'm a happy person.  The very simplest of things makes me happy and brings me joy.  BUT this has changed as I have aged!  I used to be very happy to arrange and be a part of family gatherings...bit by bit that became hard and difficult and did not bring happiness to me personally--my struggle to make others happy made me unhappy...

Now I find that I keep one eye on the clock and breath a sigh of relief when they go home!  Does that mean I dont love my family, cant tolerate them, or that I'm happier when I am NOT with them.  I think the last part is the answer.  I love my family but Im happier when I am not with them--not in demand, not solving group problems, when I have my own needs to take care of and no one else's. 

I have realized that it is when people inject their issues onto me that I become the most UNHappy--I cant solve anyone's problems but my own.
I can't be the quick fix, that makes me unhappy--when I'm in a position where demands are placed on me that I might try to repair someone else's mistakes, oversights, procrastination, or neglect-I get very unhappy!  These type tasks when dumped in my lap depress and suppress me emotionally--SO learning to say NO has helped me to stay happy!

Is that selfishness?  I think it might be, but this is about happiness, not morality, or relationships skills...and since honesty is a big part of happiness- honestly- Im happier when I'm alone and doing whatever I've a mind to and not what I need to do or should do because of family demands.  Thankfully my single child is going to be 30 on his birthday and so my parenting is more about maintenance now.

I am much happier to be separated and almost divorced than I was married.  There were parts of marriage I enjoyed but for the most part I was not happy to be in a marriage.  It was too confining & too much responsibility was put on me, since he took the easier role in the marriage and dumped all the hard parts on me.  Things like taking the lead in all the decision making, overseeing and having to take care of all the daily running of the house, the shopping, all the parenting, teaching our son about the world, money, taxes, insurance, handling all the "difficult" stuff of family life--holiday planning, cooking, decorating, arrangements, everything!! While I was the disciplinarian he was "our sons best friend" so it left me out of the fun stuff entirely. 

Being married to someone like that is like being a single parent of two children!  One who is supposed to be helping, but is only making every process harder by voicing disapproval of how I was handling things while refusing to  help or to handle it himself.  This was psychological abuse but I didn't realize that.  I was doing my best but it was never good enough. I had to face all the hard stuff alone, when it was time for my son to go to college I was so confused and wanted to be sure he got all the grants, scholarships, etc that he was qualified for and my X didn't help with one single thing!  My son was in college for 6 yrs and it was very demanding on me financially, emotionally, and socially.  The X used his lack of education as an excuse for never helping fill out paperwork and not handling the big decisions of our marital life.  All the burden shifted to me and I was not totally prepared for that myself.

So I knew within 10 years I had chosen the wrong partner...but by then I was being dragged along in the river of married life, struggling to raise my son, dealing with running my own business, trying to pay bills, give my son what he needed and in all that mix I lost myself--and I stayed lost for the next 16 yrs. Then suddenly I woke up--came out of the deep sleep that being in an emotionally exhausting marriage had put me in.  It was only in that state of mind that I could remain in the unhappy situation. 

Slowly as my son needed me less I began to recall the parts of life that gave me happiness.  I have always been happiest out in nature, or at the very least interacting in some way...I used to ride horses, hike, ski, camp, bird watch, nature and landscape photography, draw, and spend time with my favorite girl friends. Quite simply I was a Flower Girl who got lost along her way to Shangri~la. 

So now Im happier than Ive been in many years.  It was NOT the people in my life that made me unhappy it was my inability to find that happy zone while trying to make others happy at the same time. These two couldnt exist together in me and the result be happiness.

 I need lots of down/me time!  It took me so long to figure these things out...I took on a lot of guilty thinking-- such as I didn't LOVE my family but that is not true at all I love my family very much, I just cant be everything for them and remain happy--

  So now I can concentrate on what makes me happy and walk away from what brings me unhappiness and find that a state of peace, balance, and harmony  where Im happiest!

When Im out with my camera, exploring, walking my dogs, creating art...IM completely at peace and in a state of bliss...When I have to bend and deal with the demands placed on me by family, society, and social rules I begin to feel stress and then unhappiness sets in until I can get  back to my happy place!

Just figuring out when I am happiest and trying to get to and stay in that state of mind has made a big difference in my life!!  By using the process of elimination, I found what makes me happy by removing what doesn't!!

Civil Unrest on the Horizon?

ELL, today SC inaugurated Nikki Haley a Tea Party Neo Con into office....just when I thought things couldnt get worse with the Gov we had Sanders left office disgraced after leaving the country to have an affair with a Brazilian woman...now we have a woman born of Sikh Indian parents a first generation citizen  for our Governor-I dont think she realizes what party she has aligned herself with!! ITS almost an oxymoron...since she  is NOT white...I did like her state of the State address that she gave and I hope she will follow through...I didnt like the cuts to the Arts we need more of that--she spoke like a true accountant which is her background..they only look at the bottom line, and dont see the faces behind those cuts!  I could find better places to cut!


 I lived through segregation back in the 60's recalling the day black students were brought over to our school from theirs it had to be much harder for them since we at least knew the layout of the school the teachers etc.  Now it seems this nation is trying to go back to the dark ages...Racism is at the very root of this new Tea Party and the only reason it came out was to make sure no Black will become President again...so it was a congress woman who became the target of an angry man armed to the hilt with a weapon that NO One should own...he had enough ammo that he was able to wound 13 and kill 6 before reloading.  I would like to hear the NRA or the deer hunters defend the reasoning behind owning such a weapon.  Weapons like that are designed to kill HUMAN BEINGS period!


How long can we sit on our hands and allow these neo cons white supremacist's continue to organize and to spread hatred?  A movement such as this IS trouble for this country..We have not even figured out how to handle racism and get beyond it yet, so the last thing we need is Apartheid-Segregation all over again..IT IS not for the good of this Nation, but of the Extreme Right Wingers who call themselves conservative? How conservative is it to incite killing to settle ones differences?
Wake County in NC with  newly elected Tea Party members is now trying to  resegregate the  schools to go back to White Schools, Black Schools--


Sarah Palin crawled out from under a rock...she is a danger to our liberty and our bill of rights!  Due to her phony rhetoric about "dont give in re-load" she is creating a opening for the nutz of her Tea Party to rise to the top and act out the crap she is instigating...how can she NOT be held partly responsible for the shootings in AZ...when she DID have a map with Bullet cross hairs on certain parts of this country on her website..that has since been removed..BUT the woman is bad news as is the whole Tea Party--its nothing more than a bunch of angry white people who cant seem to understand they are NOT better than anyone else!!  Sarah Palin thinks its ok to incite riotous behavior..and pull out guns and start shooting? WTH is up with that type thinking?  This is not Iraq...we are not rebels or Mavericks as she and John McCain said they were...THIS is not Dodge City..that type lifestyle died out long ago..and there is NO going back.

Turning back at this point will be suicide to the way of life we all cherish- our civil liberties - to move about this country as we wish, to join groups & assemble, to bare arms (against a foe)  and to voice our opinions, but when violence erupts -SQUASH!  I mean are they advocating an over throw of our system? THE GOP built this current economic mess by allowing corporate greed to control our economy instead of healthy growth in the direction of the future....we are stuck in Coal & Oil and we have to get out of it and move toward the Millenium
Now they (GOP & TP) will do their very best to blame the DEMs for it, the clean up crew has so much to do--we are eons behind the rest of the world already--
ie: education, economic growth, using all this wonderful technology to do something more than send text messages and online videos...(hello my electric bill was $296 last month...why isnt the Tea Party talking about THAT?)

We all learned this in the sandbox for sure....we all get punished and lose our rights and privileges due to ONE bad apple! So the tea party wants to start carrying guns, soon that will cause trouble, and there go the right to bare arms, the rights to assemble--rights that are abused are taken away! geeze HEY Im no gun advocate I will be happy as a pig in sunshine when they go round and confiscate the Guns...Hip Hip Hooray...but I know not everyone is of that same line of thinking..SO now we have that right our job is to PROTECT That RIGHT! not abuse it and use it to kill our neighbors and our politicians, and to incite unrest in a nation still struggling to be UNITED if these Tea Party skin heads dont want to live among people of color why dont they move elsewhere and start their own Super Inhumane Race!


No one would love to go back to some of the old ways better than I, off grid living is part of what I embrace but NOT RUBY RIDGE TYPE OFF GRID, I'm talking in harmony with nature and with my fellow man!! Whole nuther kind of philosophy...more in tune with Thoreau and Stevenson...


WHY cant we adjust to the differences between us and let sleeping dogs lay?  Who are the Neo Cons, the Neo Conservatives are the Bible Thumping God n Country, Gun Toting, Beer Drinking, Animal Hunters tossed in with the KKK, & the Skin Heads Nazis!!! How can that be a good thing? The Tea Party is a threat to our Civil Liberties and our way of life!!