Hard Times

hen hard
times come....who can we trust to do the right thing?
we probably won't realize it when it happens...
This weekend has been sad and emotionally draining for me.  I will explain, in a minute. 
My X who I have separated from for 13 yrs...divorced me in 2011 and forced me to buy out the house....I don't live in it yet...I was trying to fix it up when I fell last year and broke both my arms..

My X's mind has been failing him for a while now...he is quite a bit older than me....I could see signs way back,  but then I didn't know what it was a sign of! He had a hard time learning new things yet he could FIGURE OUT A MIND bender puzzle just like that.  He was forgetful and he lost keys and locked himself out all the time..he had some difficult areas in life...We always just said he is forgetful!  But he had his own business, he always did well and although he had some issues he was able to have a good life, I took care of all the paperwork in our life, and explained things to him that he didn't understand, etc.  He said he was thick headed.  I always felt he just didn't grasp certain things I know many people are like that! He was a blacksmith and he worked with horses his whole life! 

I had always wanted him to stay in our house when we split up, when I moved back to help mom I moved in with her, we were right next door to my X. I figured we could all help each other as we were growing older ...But something in his mind just kept snapping. For years he has been insisting he stay put in the house...I agreed, then suddenly he started to preach how he needed to get out, move to town.  He has a son from his first marriage who had divorced and was living with this woman and she for some reason put this mind worm in both of them that my X needed to divorce me, sell the house, and move into an assisted living situation.  Well he made me the offer to buy the house for 25 grand so I did! He divorced me, told me he planned to move to Virginia and in with his oldest son...but he didnt do that! When he movedout he took nothing but his clothes! He didnt even close the door of the house, and he moved out a week later than the order had said! I kne he had issues so I said nothing I cleaned out his things.

He moved into a small apt in town.  Not long after moving he forgot to renew his drivers license...and he lost his license.  He never tried to retake the test I guess he figured he couldnt pass it, he has major problems with reading comprehension. I would have gladly helped him but I didnt know about it for months later!  I would have gladly looked in on him while he was living here next door but once he forced the divorce and moved I figured he didnt want me involved in his life, so I stayed out.  

He made his oldest son his power of attorney and health care proxy...who took over his finances and i was told my X didn't even have enough money to buy food in his pocket! I was very upset I arranged  an application for senior food assistance.  I was told he refused to do it, saying he would lose the card or forget about it so I don't know why he never followed through with that.  I filled in the paper all he had to do was sign and mail. 

Then he got a bicycle to ride.  He enjoys going to the nearby McDonald's other seniors come there and gather each day and hang out talking while they have coffee.  He has been going there for years he drove in ever day to do that when he lived out here.  

He obviously rode his bicycle to McDonald's on Saturday collapsed in there and they called EMS he was taken in with a diagnosis of stroke, which was wrong!! He is always confused...he has A-fib, and he has Bradycardia, It is my feeling he got too hot, and his heart rate DECREASED AND HE FAINTED! They went with full stroke protocol this hospital here stinks! They transferred him to a stroke center...and called his son in VA. they also called my sister he had her phone number in his wallet. They couldn't get a hold of our son...he was asleep and had his phone on vibrate! 

So now they say he did not have a stroke, but now the great minds who know nothing about him...are making plans to put him in a nursing home! YES he is not functioning as well as some do...but he deserves a chance to stay independent as long as possible.  All I did was cry all day yesterday....because if only he had trusted me...(and they had not put those ideas in his head) I would make sure he got back to his own place.  Yeah its not a perfect life but who are we to judge that?? He is able to take care of his everyday living, the problem is he gets confused when around people! When he speaks he sometimes doesn't make sense.  AND if you don't know him it will make you think this guy is a nut.  BUT its not true.  Even his oldest son who has NOT been around and my X did NOT raise him has no clue.  My son has no authority since he is not the legal Health Care Proxy...so its like he (my X)  tied our hands to help him.  I want to know why his SON wont take him to home in VA if he believes he shouldnt
 be alone...like I said he takes care of himself!! I dont think they realize there is NO assisted living for people who dont have a lot of cash in the bank!! A nursing home at best is all he will get. 

The very first sign that he was not quite all there was he continued to repeat the same thing every time you spoke to him...We had some hard times the divorce got brutal for a while...then we finally got through it, it was all his oldest son's and his girlfriends idea they planted that seed in a struggling mind and made it a big issue and it grew into a horrible mistake! 

I have a health care proxy Im thinking of destroying it!!