Union ---bad justice

here do we draw the line?  I've kinda kept my thoughts to myself on these police killings but the truth is the whole thing reminds me of Mississippi Burning all over again! 

Last year it was that nut cake Neighborhood Watch fellow who blew away a young unarmed black kid cause he had on a hoodie...
Now these more recent killings the Brown boy and Eric Gardner in NY a human being! 

He was murdered by the NYPD right there on camera that fellow had him in a choke hold are we all blind? I don't think so.  And who is the mouth piece for the NYPD-- the Union!! Trust me the Unions of the North keep more dirtbags employed than you can shake a stick at!! I used to work in a Union EMS outfit those EMT's were the worst ... they killed people with their mistakes, as they constantly thumbed their noses at protocols, and then the Unions would make sure they kept their job!!  They would lie and get others to take their side and lie for them.  

Our first amendment right is freedom of speech! I don't care if that guy was smart mouthing the cops its not a KILLING offense for Pete's sake! The Brown shooting...the cop felt threatened..big deal sit in his car and call for back up...his job is to arrest not to KILL someone because they broke a law!

If they get away with it its going to happen more and more...what kind of police society do we have... its almost like the Peace Keepers in the Hunger Games, kill who they want to cover it up and no one holds them accountable.
Strike out against them and they will use deadly force!! 
Self defense is when someone is coming at you with a weapon ready to kill you...aiming a gun, welding a knife, an ax, a machete, a crossbow,  a deadly weapon, here is SC a cop shot a young black man after making a stop for a seat belt violation, the young man was already out of his car the cop asked to see his license and registration he turned to get it from his car and the cop shot at  him 4 times, and he was hit in the hip!!  In that case the cop was fired, and is charged with assault and battery is out on $75,000 bond.

IF we don't speak out against these outrageous miscarriages of justice then where does it end?  They (our law enforcers) must be  held accountable for their actions! You kill for no reason other than an assumption, then you go to jail!!  They are not the JURY, only the law enforcement.  We the People are the Jury but lately the JURY has been turning a blind eye.

So much for our so called Freedom in this country we are free as long as we don't step out of line!!  Best watch where you tread least you get shot in the due process.  Based on what I saw, no weapon was present in any of these big profile cases the cops were GUILTY and should do Hard Time for cold blooded murder!

Hard Times

hen hard
times come....who can we trust to do the right thing?
we probably won't realize it when it happens...
This weekend has been sad and emotionally draining for me.  I will explain, in a minute. 
My X who I have separated from for 13 yrs...divorced me in 2011 and forced me to buy out the house....I don't live in it yet...I was trying to fix it up when I fell last year and broke both my arms..

My X's mind has been failing him for a while now...he is quite a bit older than me....I could see signs way back,  but then I didn't know what it was a sign of! He had a hard time learning new things yet he could FIGURE OUT A MIND bender puzzle just like that.  He was forgetful and he lost keys and locked himself out all the time..he had some difficult areas in life...We always just said he is forgetful!  But he had his own business, he always did well and although he had some issues he was able to have a good life, I took care of all the paperwork in our life, and explained things to him that he didn't understand, etc.  He said he was thick headed.  I always felt he just didn't grasp certain things I know many people are like that! He was a blacksmith and he worked with horses his whole life! 

I had always wanted him to stay in our house when we split up, when I moved back to help mom I moved in with her, we were right next door to my X. I figured we could all help each other as we were growing older ...But something in his mind just kept snapping. For years he has been insisting he stay put in the house...I agreed, then suddenly he started to preach how he needed to get out, move to town.  He has a son from his first marriage who had divorced and was living with this woman and she for some reason put this mind worm in both of them that my X needed to divorce me, sell the house, and move into an assisted living situation.  Well he made me the offer to buy the house for 25 grand so I did! He divorced me, told me he planned to move to Virginia and in with his oldest son...but he didnt do that! When he movedout he took nothing but his clothes! He didnt even close the door of the house, and he moved out a week later than the order had said! I kne he had issues so I said nothing I cleaned out his things.

He moved into a small apt in town.  Not long after moving he forgot to renew his drivers license...and he lost his license.  He never tried to retake the test I guess he figured he couldnt pass it, he has major problems with reading comprehension. I would have gladly helped him but I didnt know about it for months later!  I would have gladly looked in on him while he was living here next door but once he forced the divorce and moved I figured he didnt want me involved in his life, so I stayed out.  

He made his oldest son his power of attorney and health care proxy...who took over his finances and i was told my X didn't even have enough money to buy food in his pocket! I was very upset I arranged  an application for senior food assistance.  I was told he refused to do it, saying he would lose the card or forget about it so I don't know why he never followed through with that.  I filled in the paper all he had to do was sign and mail. 

Then he got a bicycle to ride.  He enjoys going to the nearby McDonald's other seniors come there and gather each day and hang out talking while they have coffee.  He has been going there for years he drove in ever day to do that when he lived out here.  

He obviously rode his bicycle to McDonald's on Saturday collapsed in there and they called EMS he was taken in with a diagnosis of stroke, which was wrong!! He is always confused...he has A-fib, and he has Bradycardia, It is my feeling he got too hot, and his heart rate DECREASED AND HE FAINTED! They went with full stroke protocol this hospital here stinks! They transferred him to a stroke center...and called his son in VA. they also called my sister he had her phone number in his wallet. They couldn't get a hold of our son...he was asleep and had his phone on vibrate! 

So now they say he did not have a stroke, but now the great minds who know nothing about him...are making plans to put him in a nursing home! YES he is not functioning as well as some do...but he deserves a chance to stay independent as long as possible.  All I did was cry all day yesterday....because if only he had trusted me...(and they had not put those ideas in his head) I would make sure he got back to his own place.  Yeah its not a perfect life but who are we to judge that?? He is able to take care of his everyday living, the problem is he gets confused when around people! When he speaks he sometimes doesn't make sense.  AND if you don't know him it will make you think this guy is a nut.  BUT its not true.  Even his oldest son who has NOT been around and my X did NOT raise him has no clue.  My son has no authority since he is not the legal Health Care Proxy...so its like he (my X)  tied our hands to help him.  I want to know why his SON wont take him to home in VA if he believes he shouldnt
 be alone...like I said he takes care of himself!! I dont think they realize there is NO assisted living for people who dont have a lot of cash in the bank!! A nursing home at best is all he will get. 

The very first sign that he was not quite all there was he continued to repeat the same thing every time you spoke to him...We had some hard times the divorce got brutal for a while...then we finally got through it, it was all his oldest son's and his girlfriends idea they planted that seed in a struggling mind and made it a big issue and it grew into a horrible mistake! 

I have a health care proxy Im thinking of destroying it!! 

Three Days in Three Ways

HEN it comes will you believe?

I get antsy!  Meanwhile summer rushes toward fall! Imagine that.  I had high hopes of having my project house finished and rented by fall and winter yet it sits with walls missing, and all the projects still undone.  It's like a long pause is in progress....a pause in my life, in my living, but no pause has happened in time and in the length of my time on the Earth.... 

"Sigh" oh well.  I have learned one thing..you cant do what you cant do, yet! So I wait for healing, help, and who knows what is coming my way.  I've been watching a DVD that I was led to from the Other Side! Do you believe in metaphysical energy?

I had a dear friend who lived in Washington State.  We knew each other via an old blog pool...I was living in NYC when I discovered him...so its been along time ago...I had hoped to be able to meet Richard but it never happened.  I had planned a trip to MT signed up for a Park Passport in Time project working  on old Dude Ranch Cabins near Yellowstone Park.  I had applied & been accepted to the program and was excited to go.  THEN the economy fell apart, I lost my then job at the hospital and gas went through the roof, I had to cancel my trip..

Richard had planned to come from WA to MT down with his teardrop camper and spend a couple days exploring I was kinda afraid to meet him...to be honest--I mean who knows exactly how someone is just from online discussions? We loved so many of the same things and he seemed completely genuine!  

Then a couple years passed and Richard and I kept in touch even when the blog pool we had been a part of fell through!! We kept in touch via Facebook, I sent him books he sent me videos, of special stuff...we became pen pals as well as e-pals.  Richard was a good 6+ yrs older than me, so he was already retired..Next yr I will retire and even tho I am now unable to work to due to a disability I will be retiring next yr. I am not working but that only means I have no income...I hope once I do have income again I can travel to his old stomps and see for myself! 

See Richard contacted me via email and told me he was sending me a great book by Louise Hay...he said it had opened his eyes to so many of the issues he had..although I don't really think Richard had issues.  He was so calm and yet he was not a hermit, he loved being around people but he never wanted to be the center of attention.  He quietly went about his life with his dog Star.  I was always excited to know what he and Star were up to and he shared his life with me through email and messages on Facebook, and the occasional letter via US mail. 

I want so much to be traveling on the road, it was something we BOTH wanted...yet he spoke of family responsibility and I had plenty of that myself...I had plans to go see Richard...so in 2009 I headed for AZ to see a friend and I mentioned it to Richard that we should meet...but he was on a trip with his bike club friends into Idaho...so it wasn't happening that yr...Time passed, I felt our friendship had mellowed to the point that we were no longer afraid of each other but we grew comfortable & drew apart a bit...like a comfortable pair of old shoes that you pull out when you feel you need a hug--- that was us..

Then out of the blue Richard emailed me he was so excited about this book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.  

"I'm going to send you a copy so be looking for a package from me!" 

Awesome!! I was planning another trip to the west that spring...2011 and I was determined to ask if he wanted to meet in Wyo. or somewhere in between CO & WA just needed Winter to get out of the way so I could make the cross country trip...

The book never arrived...I thought oh well I guess he forgot.  Then he posted on Facebook he was going to his grandson's baseball game...and I thought 'ohhh he is busy with family and he will mail the book when he gets un-busy." 

No book came...then it was a few days later a message popped up from Richard on Facebook...

only it was not Richard it was his son...

"I wanted to let all of my dad's Facebook friends know my dad passed away on Feb 15, it was a sudden thing and we are all in shock." 

OMG NO!!! How can this be...my dear friend gone from this Earth? NO it's a really awful joke...but it wasn't a joke..as the days unraveled more of his local friends came to leave their condolences to his family on his Facebook page.  I did get to email his sister...she told me Richard had died in his bed after the ball game! HE had acute pancreatitis, and he bleed to death in his sleep! No one knows if he felt sick he was MIA for 3 days before they found him. 

 OH Horrid--I didn't even want to know anymore.  BUT then I realized a blessing had been bestowed on Richard he died the way we all want to die! Asleep, no long illness, without pain or knowledge of the impending event.  How lucky!! He did make at least one trip with his brand new teardrop trailer!! So he was cremated, his house sold, his dog Star went to live with a friend and even she was put to sleep last yr...I don't know what happened to his truck and teardrop or his new Harley Davidson that he was so in love with...or the land he had out in the country....he loved it there.

So last week at the library I went to get a few DVD's to watch.  I picked up one and for some reason it seemed familiar to me..I brought it home and when I picked up the box it came rushing back...Louise Hay! You can Heal Your life!
Sign number one.  It was a great message, I had listened to the Secret and it has the same premise...you are what you think you are! So I think Richard is trying to tell me I'm worthy--as lately I've been thinking I am not.

I cried literally for weeks after Richards death I did go out west in May of 2011...and I had him in my thoughts the entire time...

Then the second sign..

Richard had some really great hiking friends.  He enjoyed many times hiking to the Dungeness LightHouse ...exactly one day after seeing the Louse Hay DVD I opened up my blog reader and there was a post from someone-- I read about her hike to Dungeness Lighthouse! Richard's favorite hike!  I recognized the scenery from all the photos of Richard's I had admired! He knew I liked lighthouses and I told him I really wanted to see it...we talked of taking a long car trip over into Oregon..and beyond....I felt Richard was saying don't forget this is on your bucket list!! Get Busy---Ask, Believe, Receive.

The Third Sign.

The next day another blog friend's blog posted photos and she was visiting Port Orchard Richard's home town!  She was taking the ferry to Bremerton where his Bike club was located, the same ferry I'm sure he rode when he made the trip to the monthly meetings! Finally I got to see it!  I just felt he was trying to send me a message from the other side...

I think he is  saying "don't give up on yourself...keep your dream alive, if you don't it may die before you get to meet it face to face."

3 days and 3 signs, I waited 3 days for the news of the book being mailed, the stone was rolled away 3 days later----and he was gone.

the Fabric of Life...

hat if you chose a mate like you do a bathrobe?

I washed my old bathrobe this morning...its been my cozy friend for more than 25 years! Thinking back to when I acquired it, and why I never felt the need to replace it, got me to thinking this...does one person really need to hang onto more than one bathrobe through out adult life?

I think I'm a prime candidate to answer that question! I found this bathrobe in Kmart many years ago.  I didn't buy it, I picked it up admired it and put it back on the rack...my Mom was with me.   She noticed my admiration and later came back alone and bought it, wrapped it up, and gave it to me as a Christmas present.  The robe came with slippers and a sash to tie.  It was made of 100% cotton terry with a creamy color background and pale stripes of color running up and down and had two large pockets.  The size was a bit big for me, a generous 2X, Mom didn't check the size since it was the last one on the rack! 

YES, I was surprised to see the robe I had admired now mine! I tried it on, the sleeves were long and had to be rolled up, the sash was abundant and had to be tied up in a bow to use up some of that length, but the robe was very comfortable and durable! It had a nice sturdy loop in the collar to hang it up...so I put it into use.  

The slippers lasted less than one year...I think I'm a little too rough on slippers! I have been known to walk outside in my slippers... to the mailbox which for me means a long trip up the dirt driveway, across the deep sandy road, and back. So these slippers went into the trash way before Christmas rolled around again. I did push them around on the floor of my closet for a while before tossing 'em in sympathy for the now "lone" robe. 

Each shower ended with the robe snugly swaddled around me, and between times it was draped on a brass hook in the bathroom, right next to my husband's robe. Every now and then on a cold night I stayed wrapped up in it till bedtime, and then it went back on the hook.  It hung next to his as our child grew up, went off to college, and moved away from home.  I packed it in my suitcase when our marriage crumbled.  It took up a lot of space, I had to sit on the case to get it zipped, but it was coming with me no way around that. 

Then it hung on a new hook in a new to me bathroom, alone.  I washed dishes in my little studio apartment wearing my one bathrobe. It dried me after showers, it warmed me on snowy nights, it comforted me while I watched sad movies and I reached into the pocket for tissues.  When I went to bed sometimes I spread it over my quilt for extra warmth.  It did double and triple duty.  

I shed many a tear, laughed many times, shook in fear, ate many a meal, cuddled up with many a book or movie while wearing my tattered but not torn friend...the familiarity of the cozy cotton sometimes substituted as a hug from missed loved ones.  When the healing was well under way the bathrobe and I moved again...back to my home town.  This time it fit better in the case one now not so full of excess baggage.  It saw me through new hard times...getting that new job, then getting fired, depression, sickness, divorce, more depression, accidents, good, bad, ugly, and always a to comfort me.

I realize the reason this bathrobe is the ONLY one I've had for many years is it was the right one for me.  The fit is flexible, the color just right, the material perfect.  There is no reason to replace something that is the right one...if it had not been the right one, maybe it would have hung in the dark corner of my closet for an appropriate amount of time then sneaked off to the Goodwill to become the fave of some other woman.  It may have been cut into cleaning cloths, or been re-gifted... ya know. None of the above happened.  It was not replaced by many other robes, it didn't become one in a stable of many choices, it was MY ONE robe.  I was attached the moment I saw it, but I left it behind...it found a way to get to me anyway! That got me thinking. 

What if we chose a mate like we chose a bathrobe? One per lifetime...maybe we pass it up to see if it will find it's way to us.  It has to be a good fit, flexible, made of the right stuff, and be attractive to us...if it doesn't do those things does it hang around until we can find a way to get rid of it? Do we secretly despise it while we go about our life adding other robes to try, looking for other things (alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, saddness, depression, violence, rage) to satisfy that empty need, that desire, for the perfect fit? I think so! Then I have to ask this...right away we know if its a keeper or one to toss back. It's not the right fit, its snug and confining, the sleeves are to short so we cant reach out, its stiff, inflexible, and uncomfortable.  Other people are uncomfortable when they are around us in that robe, they see the ill fit... yet we hang it on the hook and we hope it will become the right size, the right texture, the right stuff...but the only thing that happens is it becomes tattered, torn, old, and even uglier. 

SO the lesson here is... if you don't want that bathrobe get rid of it quickly!   Let it go when there is still bright color in the fabric, softness and springiness to the loft, and while there is plenty of time left to hang on the right person's hook and be appreciated each and every day for a life time.  Don't allow it to hang there and become droopy, dirty, old, and worn out with nothing left to offer. Give it away, set it free, pass it on when it still has a life in front of it.  Why hold on to something that really and truly is not yours and you know it!  Get yourself a new robe right away hang it up proudly with the knowledge that a life time of comfort is on your horizon.

My robe is tumbling in the dryer getting all fluffed and clean.  When I take it out I will give it a shake, place the long sash back through the waist loops, and hang it on the hook in the bathroom, the one hook.  And that is the lesson I learned....I'm a one hook person!  There is a lesson for life in every thing around us, it applies across the board, its up to us to put those lessons into action. 

So are you going to hang onto that ill fitting robe, wash and hang the one you love,  or buy a new one?  The choice is up to you.