Deflections....

hen I first began blogging it was due to a literary agent in NYC telling me to start a blog to push my books, I was on a quest to become a writer. But it didn't take me long to figure out my entire life is a quest and I can't single out one thing that gives me warm n fuzzes, I get that from many points of my life's compass! I gain inspiration from others, other people, other places, other ideas, generations past and present...and sometimes it's the not so good parts of others that pushes me in the direction I need to go in, I'm deflected Toward the Place I need to go.

So it was that I began a blog on Yahoo! at the recommendation of a friend. I had a blog on MySpace which was a nightmare for me! And I went about it all wrong by posting my feelings and my opinions, and my political ideas, my spiritual beliefs, and got very little feedback and most was negative...

SO I moved to Yahoo!...found myself in the middle of this tight little group that was so critical & competitive (always in One Up Mode) AND somehow I found myself constantly seeking their approval and when I didn't get it, I was unhappy in my real life!!! And I didn't realize that little group had a ring leader who wanted to always come out on Top...I had no idea that the group was actually a group of Groupies of this one individual..but that was revealed later---BUT I had no idea of how I stumbled into this group and why they even accepted me in the beginning, LOL It was Dumb luck, or maybe more like Murphy's Law~

Many troubles arose from that involvement and I couldn't figure out exactly what I was doing wrong, I was trying so hard to fit in, (equality) yet somehow I managed to always become entangled in drama--I picked sides (because I don't like fence riders for me its better to know where I stand, but most people keep their truth hidden until Suddenly you are in their face with an opinion they totally disagree on) and I know in this highly volatile world one cant do that, UNLESS you wish to alienate yourself...which is sometimes better! I didn't know that I stumbled into a snake's den, sort of~~There should have been a sign somewhere and there was I didn't read it right!!!!

Then Yahoo announced they were removing the blog--so a large group made a move to Multiply, and again I tried to "fit in" and it just never happened, I felt as if I was outside the circle looking in, and no matter how hard I tired to be accepted, I was not! Or I got that feeling, I had some support, but mostly I drew lots of arrows and spears in my direction...

When the elections of 2008 came along it opened my eyes that the group I had tried so hard to be a part of was full of racists and people who would judge someone based on skin color, economic status, and religion, and not on their merits. That's when it became abundantly clear to me WHY I had never been able to fully incorporate into that little group!!

So I left Multiply and came to Blogger, and made the decision that I would stick to posting my art, photography, travel, and the parts of my life that hopefully were not open for Discussion!! Not that I don't want to debate policy, and belief systems, its that I don't want to draw negative attention and arrows again!! I no longer wish to defend my ideas on how I personally view the world and "if Only"... and try to create understanding and education where there is no room for it!! (giving audience to unforgiving mind) IF someone pushes negative energy toward you, then why would you want to be around that person?

I have reached out on occasion and found that most people are very self centered and only want to talk about them and they don't share-- they make many blog entries,-- you visit and comment and they never reciprocate-why is that? They want an audience, they want to be center stage, and hear the cheers and no jeers, I guess these are the people the universe revolves around--lol

AND in the end that is just it, see the Universe does revolve around Each of US!! WE are the Center of OUR Universe!! Its up to us to try to reach through the atmosphere and be happy with what we bring back from the hunt..if we are not then maybe we have ventured into the wrong camp, and we will be deflected to the right place in the end, only if we hold true to our own belief system!!

So I made a rule of thumb, I encourage the belief systems I agree with I don't bother to debate the ones I don't, and I move on...somewhere out there, there are others LIKE ME!!