ALLING My maiden name which I resumed...
Getting divorced has changed my life of course...and I find myself being challenged to figure out the rest. I am a big planner. I make lists, I ponder, and I think about it all. In spite of all that plans get twisted, turned, and do an about face.
Are we ever actually able to stay on course? My whole life has been off course...on my way to my freedom, I found a man and was hitched for many years. So now I'm free again to do whatever I want and IF I can figure that out all will be fine.
Ive had many discussions with people about destiny. I do and dont believe in destiny. I feel each of us has one to fullfill but very few of us are able to do that. Staying on course, on track, is the conduit.
Its almost like on the way to the airport, I stopped at the bus station or something. I had a plan-- all was going according to plan, I made a 3 year budget plan, I knew what I wanted and when I was going to implement all the steps along the way of my "big Plan" to put me where I wanted to be by the yr 2014...yeah thats NEXT YR..
I would work and pay my debts OFF, again! YEAH then take the money I was using to pay said debt off into a fund to buy myself a nice small camp trailer so WHEN 2014 came I'd work half the yr then I'd ride off into the sunset and retire...see all those wonders Ive missed out on.
Then BANG, my x whom I'd been separated from for 13 yrs Filed for divorce! Threatened to sell the marital home and I realized I didnt want that place to be sold. SO I bought it. DUH.,,,now there goes my plan up in smoke. Back into debt, and confusion again. Plan on the back burner, life on hold, why?
Wish I knew the answer. SO meanwhile Im refurbishing the old house with the money I should be saving so I can retire! Damn. Have I lost my way or am I simply taking the scenic route? I know I'm learning how to DO so many things Im learning to trust myself, and Im learning how strong and disciplined I can be.
I hope these are tools I am going to need WHEN I do retire which has probably been extended at least a yr.
Damn!
